【Big Fish】习作-2.21 Issue27-By JeniusHe

jenius4869UID: 2659821

Issue固定题目：No.27 No one can possibly achieve success in the world by conforming to conventional practices and conventional ways of thinking.



The speaker asserts that the unconventional practices and distinguishing ways of thinking are the only approach for people to achieve success. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that a myriad amount of great advancements of our society and technology are almost the contribution of unfettered imagination and extraordinary thinking. However, one problem with this statement is how we define success. For a normal individual, who may not even think about making a remarkable contribution to our community or to the development of our human beings, the success could merely be a appreciate job or a comfortable living condition. Therefore, it seems that the people conforming to conventional practices and ways of thinking can also achieve success.



Turning first to scientific inventions and significant discoveries, one sees the scientists and researchers who find the truth hidden behind some regular phenomenons can always think in a different way from others who even do not pay attention to them. Notable individuals ranging from Isaac Newton to Copernicus come immediately to mind. Clearly, the amazing wonders are always found by distinct ways of thinking of those people. Another typical example is the classic experiment made by Galileo Galilei, who challenged the dominant theory that the heavy objects fall faster than lighter ones at the same height thought by Aristotle. To demonstrate Galileo's own idea that the falling time of an object has nothing to do with its mass, he dropped balls of the same material, but different sizes, from the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Undoubtedly, those two balls hit the ground at the same time. Without his distinct ways of thinking and practices, we may find this truth hundreds of years later.



In considering the artistic field, it might be more likely to agree with the speaker. After all, the most famous artists in our memories are those create a totally different painting or carving style or technique. Consider Jackson Pollock, a influential American painter who is also a major figure in the abstract expressionist movement. Just think about his way of painting, can the work created by a person who jumped upon a canvas laid out on the floor and used sticks, trowels, knives instead of usual tools such as brushes, easel and palette to accomplish his action painting be called art? Definitely, the abstract work done by Pollock do attract lots of people no matter lived in that period or nowadays. He achieved his career success in such an unconventional style of painting, basically, a particular way of creativity and thinking.



Although our history are repleted with the incidents that one can achieve success through distinguishing and outstanding thinking, there are also many exceptions of the people who do the regular work but obtain a great achievement in their lives. One only need observe the people who work hard in various occupations, for instance, a lawyer tries his/her best to win the legal cases, a teacher devote his/her endeavors to helping students get a better education, or an environmentalist sacrifices his/her own time that could be used to accompanied with family in order to make a better condition for human beings to live. Each of them could achieve their own success and realise their dreams which different from making a big advancement of our society and such results should be considered successful achievement.



To sum up, I fundamentally agree with the speaker since most of great accomplishment are made by the people who do not conform to the conventional practices and usual thinking. Yet what equally important is the form of success can vary from many aspects, just judging on the basis that whether an individual has an distinct thinking is not fair for those who also gain much accomplishment in their own way, no matter how conventional it might be.




635 words.  2.5hour（天知道我怎么要写这么久。。。）

topranUID: 2310216

Issue固定题目：No.27 No one can possibly achieve success in the world by conforming to conventional practices and conventional ways of thinking.



The speaker asserts that the unconventional pr ...
jenius4869 发表于 2010-2-24 02:15

写得太好了，读得我都快泪流满面了
堪比范文呢
太厉害了

greekyUID: 2605662

1# jenius4869

开始
The speaker asserts that the unconventional practices and distinguishing（换一个词好不好 比如unique） ways of thinking are the only approach for people to achieve success. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that a myriad amount（这个~~ 可以没有） of great advancements of our society and technology are almost the contribution of unfettered imagination and extraordinary thinking(it minght be tempting~~~个人感觉这么用有点Chinglish). However, one problem with this statement is how we define success. For a normal individual, who may not even think about making a remarkable contribution to our community or to the development of our human beings, the success could merely be a appreciate job or a comfortable living condition. Therefore, it seems that the people conforming to conventional practices and ways of thinking can also achieve success.



Turning first to scientific inventions and significant discoveries, one sees the scientists and researchers who find the truth hidden behind some regular phenomenons can always think in a different way from others who even do not pay attention to them. Notable individuals ranging from Isaac Newton to Copernicus come immediately to mind. Clearly, the amazing wonders are always found by distinct ways of thinking of those people. Another typical example is the classic experiment made by Galileo Galilei, who challenged the dominant theory that the heavy objects fall faster than lighter ones at the same height thought by Aristotle. To demonstrate Galileo's own idea that the falling time of an object has nothing to do with its mass, he dropped balls of the same material, but different sizes, from the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Undoubtedly, those two balls hit the ground at the same time. Without his distinct ways of thinking and practices, we may find this truth hundreds of years later.



In considering the artistic field, it might be more likely to agree with the speaker. After all, the most famous artists in our memories are those create a totally different painting or carving style or technique. Consider Jackson Pollock, a influential American painter who is also a major figure in the abstract expressionist movement. Just think about his way of painting, can the work created by a person who jumped upon a canvas laid out on the floor and used sticks, trowels, knives instead of usual tools such as brushes, easel and palette to accomplish his action painting be called art? Definitely, the abstract work done by Pollock do attract lots of people no matter lived in that period or nowadays. He achieved his career success in such an unconventional style of painting, basically, a particular way of creativity and thinking.



Although our history are repleted with the incidents that one can achieve success through distinguishing and outstanding thinking, there are also many exceptions of the people who do the regular work but obtain a great achievement in their lives. One only need observe the people who work hard in various occupations, for instance, a lawyer tries his/her best to win the legal cases, a teacher devote his/her endeavors to helping students get a better education, or an environmentalist sacrifices his/her own time that could be used to accompanied with family in order to make a better condition for human beings to live. Each of them could achieve their own success and realise their dreams which different from making a big advancement of our society and such results should be considered successful achievement.



To sum up, I fundamentally agree with the speaker since most of great accomplishment are made by the people who do not conform to the conventional practices and usual thinking. Yet what equally important is the form of success can vary from many aspects, just judging on the basis that whether an individual has an distinct thinking is not fair for those who also gain much accomplishment in their own way, no matter how conventional it might be.

看完了，总结一下。 一、语言：不管是词汇变化还是句式变化，都做的很好了。有一些小问题，比如多个定语的逻辑安排之类的就不多说了。二、结构。开头陈述观点---正文（中心句+议论性文字+论据+总结）----结尾总结陈词  的结构很清晰 这个也没有太大问题。 三、论证逻辑。 感觉有一点问题 我读完开头段感觉论点相当清晰了：就是要反驳。因为第一段的大概意思是在指出作者的逻辑弱点:过于绝对化。但是正文阶段上来的两段是从两个方面先肯定了作者的观点，这就和总论点相悖了。其实既同意又反对的态度已经很明显了，需要的就是改一下首段，在首段加上一句肯定的话，让步一下“admittedly,~~~~~"，然后再继续就OK啦。  
不管怎么讲，已经是很棒的文章了:)

jenius4869UID: 2659821

3# greeky

嗯 很对  又看了看，首段确实在同意的成分上还不够，搞得后面的侧重点好像跟主题反了咧.

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