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mangohahaUID: 2758178

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money, agree or disagree？

Personally, the topic can be summarized as one saying that the basic goal of businessmen is money. Grantedly, I agree with the statement that money is one of main purposes for businessmen as the topic says. Right and responsibility also play key roles for businessmen in the process of reaching their goals.

From personal perspective, acctually, parts of businessmen who look money as their final pursuit. In modern society, no one can deny that profit is an essential standard to judge a person if he is successful and that capical, in some degree, reflects the power of a company. Considering these factors, it is reasonable for a businessman to fight for his motivation, money. Furthermore, with the help of money, businessmen can develop their careers, also, can make their families live a better life and even gain anything they want. From this angle, money is worthy to be an effective motivation.

However, besides, motivated by the desire of money, there are numerous businessmen who see the right as the ultimate success. Common sense informs that once a person who has achieved his goal would like to receive respect from others. Here I’ll take an examples in my city. As the development of economy in my city, several successful businessmen want to switch their roles, to be officials. In particular, they can use their money to do some things for the government, thus
can get positions they want. Although, at last, they have been punishment by laws receiving the deserved aftermath; from this case, we can see right is also a motion for some businessmen.

Lastly, I even can admit that some buisnessmen stare at money and right which would be of benefit to themselves. Nevertheless, the majority of businessmen regard the social responsibility as the major energy and source of companies’ development. No one can deny that a series of successful businessmen spare no effort to conrtibute to the society, ranging from building schools and paving roads to supporting the poor family and students. I am convincing that they are the real heroes in mondern era. Generally, that is not to say that movtation only is the thing which can benefit ourselves, that would be selfish. Responsibility should be the fundamental motivation for businessmen.

Lastly, I concede the topic’s assertion that some businessmen are drived by the movitateion of money. Nonetheless, right is also being chased by a large unmber of buisnessmen. Futhermore, any buisnessmen with great ideal should set the responsibliety of society as the real movation.

mangohahaUID: 2758178

跑题了( ⊙ o ⊙ )啊！

luofayiUID: 2325524

Personally, the topic can be summarized as one saying that the basic goal of businessmen is money. Grantedly, I agree with the statement that money is one of main purposes for businessmen as the topic says(says改成said). Right（权利应该是power而不是right） and responsibility also play key roles for businessmen in the process of reaching their goals.

From personal perspective, acctually（actually）, parts of businessmen who(去掉who，否则句子不完整) look money as their final pursuit. In modern society, no one can deny that profit is an essential standard to judge a person if he is successful and that capical（capital）, in some degree, reflects the power of a company（if后这个是状语从句吧，那么that后算什么呢？如果是另一句的话我觉得应该在successful后加标点）. Considering these factors, it is reasonable for a businessman to fight for his motivation, money. Furthermore, with the help of money, businessmen can develop their careers, also, can make their families live a better life and even gain anything they want. From this angle, money is worthy to be an effective motivation.
1 a7 [5 j, h% |- N% ~! z6 o
However, besides, motivated by the desire of money, there are numerous businessmen who see the right as the ultimate success. Common sense informs that once a person who has achieved his goal would like to receive respect from others. Here I’ll take an examples in my city. As the development of economy in my city, several successful businessmen want to switch their roles, to be officials. In particular, they can use their money to do some things for the government, thus1 H, C; H9 ^# @; j( _' t
can get positions they want. Although, at last, they have been punishment by laws receiving the deserved aftermath; from this case, we can see right is also a motion for some businessmen.
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Lastly, I even can admit that some buisnessmen（businessmen） stare at money and right which would be of benefit to themselves. Nevertheless, the majority of businessmen regard the social responsibility as the major energy and source of companies’ development. No one can deny that a series of successful businessmen spare no effort to conrtibute（contribute） to the society, ranging from building schools and paving roads to supporting the poor family (families) and students. I am convincing that they are the real heroes in mondern（modern） era. Generally, that is not to say that movtation（motivation） only is the thing which can benefit ourselves, that would be selfish. Responsibility should be the fundamental motivation for businessmen.
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Lastly, I concede the topic’s assertion that some businessmen are drived（driven） by the movitateion（motivation） of money. Nonetheless, right（power） is also being chased by a large unmber（number） of buisnessmen（businessmen）. Futhermore, （furthermore）any buisnessmen （businessmen）with great ideal should set the responsibliety （responsibility）of society as the real movation.


语言功底不错，有些拼写错误和用词不当。

从内容来看，好像有点跑题。

cp19880313UID: 2643174

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money, agree or disagree？

Personally, the topic can be summarized as one saying that the basic goal of businessmen is money. Grantedly, I agree with the statement that money is one of main purposes for businessmen as the topic says. 话题是说钱是唯一的动力Right and responsibility also play key roles for businessmen in the process of reaching their goals.
From personal perspective, acctually, parts of businessmen who look money as their final pursuit. In modern society, no one can deny that profit is an essential standard to judge a person if he is successful and that capical, in some degree, reflects the power of a company. Considering these factors, it is reasonable for a businessman to fight for his motivation, money. Furthermore, with the help of money, businessmen can develop their careers, also, can make their families live a better life and even gain anything they want. From this angle, money is worthy to be an effective motivation.
这段有几句话读着绕口，感觉好像语法有点问题，是不是可以换一种方法说，也许会更好一些。

However可以去掉了, besides motivated by the desire of money, there are numerous businessmen who view the right权利？改成honour更好吧 as the ultimate success. Common sense informs that once a person who has achieved his goal would like to receive respect from others. Here I’ll take an examples in my city. As the development of economy in my city, several successful businessmen want to switch their roles, to be officials. In particular, they can use their money to do some things for the government, thus can get positions they want. Although, at last, they have been punished by laws receiving the deserved aftermath这句话不通顺; from this case, we can see right is also a motivation for some businessmen.

Lastly, I even can admit that some buisnessmen stare at money and right which would be of benefit to themselves. Nevertheless, the majority of businessmen regard the social responsibility as the major energy and source of companies’ development. No one can deny that a series of successful businessmen spare no effort to conrtibute to the society, ranging from building schools and paving roads to supporting the poor family and students. I am convincing that they are the real heroes in mondern era. Generally, that is not to say that movtation only is the thing which can benefit ourselves, that would be selfish. Responsibility should be the fundamental motivation for businessmen.

Lastly上段就是,本段可以换一个 I concede the topic’s assertion that some businessmen are drived by the movitateion of money. Nonetheless, right is also being chased by a large unmber of buisnessmen. Futhermore, any buisnessmen with great ideal should set the responsibliety of society as the real movation.
我感觉整篇文章句式有些单一，似乎多数是that的从句，或许可以来些别的句式搭配更好些，还有就是有几句话确实是有些问题，让人无法理解，一些小错误就是拼写错误和单复数问题。
我说话比较直接，加油啊

mangohahaUID: 2758178

3# luofayi

O(∩_∩)O~ O(∩_∩)O谢谢批改
不好意思让你帮我改错了。。。
哎。。。我自己已经改过了，。。。还是那么打错的。。。晕
谢谢了

mangohahaUID: 2758178

4# cp19880313
O(∩_∩)O~ 谢谢批改
垃圾文章。。。辛苦了