【big fish】2月25日Argument238--by topran

topranUID: 2310216

作业迟到了
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TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
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In this memorandum , the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) conclude that in order to help MVC's graduates to find employment , the college's board  of trustees should offer more courses in bussiness and computer technology and haire additional job counselorsto help students with their CV's and interviewing skill. To support this conclusion , the author point out that in the neiberhood college Green Mountain College(GMC) , 90 percent of its graduating seniors has got job offers from prospective employers last year . In comparison MVC which has less bussiness courses and counselors that GMC only got 70 persent of the seniors informed the placement office got full time offers within three months after graduation and 50 percent of these graduates' jobs did not relavent to their major. Close scrutiny of each of htese facts , however , reveals that non of them lend credible support to the comclusion.

First , by the fact of 90 percent of GMC's grasuating seniors got offers from prospective emplyers , we can not speculate that it has closely related to the bussiness courses and job counselors . Though I addmite that bussiness courses and job counselors do have certain influce to job hunting procesure , I can not help to ask the question is there any other influencing factor exist ? of course  yes . The reputation of the college , the quanlity of instruction , the specialty of the reaseach area , the help of the alumnus and so on , all these factors has significant influce to the job hunting . So the author can not rushly make the conclusion that the difference between the quantity of two college is the major reason to cause the difference between the number of employment .

Second , do those two college really has disparity in the statistic number of employed graduates? Through the information which author provied , we can not make sure that the certain gap do exist . The data of  MVC is from the placement office which may only collect part of the student of MVC ,so if the data of GMC is based on all gradusting senior students , the 70percent and 90 percent are not compareable in this case .Even  if we assum that the placement office do collect all the graduates's information , we can also queation that is the data of GMC comes within the three months after graduation, without same range of data collection , the situation of two college can not be compared .Even if we negalect all the unreasonable factors before,there still  an other flaw we should point out, it is possible that the job offers of GMV 's graduates contain a lot intership or part-time work offers .  For these type of offers , we can not assum all the offer takers can be promoted to full time work , it is highly possible that some of the intern or part-time worker will be dischaged when the time is done. Based on the above analysis, the data in this artical dose not necessarily indicate the difference between tow college is exist.

Third, the anthor cites that in GMC only half of the job offers were related to student's major . Can this situation be changed by GMC offers more bussiness courses and hire more job counselors ? It is a common phenomenon that what we learn in college does not directly useful in our job. One improtant function of higher enducation is to help people to gain the ability to learn new things . For most of the people , they will divoted more time to the career than the time they spend on campus , so it is impossible for college to teach all the skills and methods which will be useful in their whole life cereer , we need to keep learning and adjust .To cultivate ability , that is the role of college in our life .  So this phenomenon does not show the negetive of GMV , and obviously  there is not direct relavent between bussiness course and job content.

To sum up , the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. Based on the exist imformation,we can not conclude that GMC dose not have adequate bussiness curriculum and job conselors . To bolster the memorandom , the president need to provide us more convincing fact to show the relavent between bussiness courses and job hunting . And more accurate details in the camparison study.

rachelwang712UID: 2757860

In this memorandum , the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) conclude that in order to help MVC's graduates to find employment , the college's board  of trustees should offer more courses in bussiness and computer technology and haire additional job counselorsto help students with their CV's and interviewing skill不错的paraphrase. To support this conclusion , the author point out that in the neiberhood拼写以及用词都不大对哦 college Green Mountain College(GMC) , 90 percent of its graduating seniors has got job offers from prospective employers last year . In comparison MVC which has less bussiness courses and counselors that GMC only got 70 persent of the seniors informed the placement office got full time offers within three months after graduation and 50 percent of these graduates' jobs did not relavent to their major. Close scrutiny of each of htese facts , however , reveals that non of them lend credible support to the comclusion. 有一个小问题，PARAPHRASE的话可以不用这么详细的吧，因为我觉得你的开头和后面的每一段的长度比例有些失调了。 First , by the fact of 90 percent of GMC's grasuating seniors got offers from prospective emplyers , we can not speculate that it has closely related to the bussiness courses and job counselors . Though I addmite拼写，还有就是我觉得你用ONE会比I好一些吧，因为毕竟你的反驳是要得到对方的认可的说 that bussiness courses and job counselors do have certain influce to job hunting procesure , I can not help to ask the question is there any other influencing factor exist ? of course  yes . The reputation of the college , the quanlity of instruction , the specialty of the reaseach area , the help of the alumnus and so on , all these factors has significant influce to the job hunting .这句反驳很好的说，一针见血 So the author can not rushly make赞一下rushly the conclusion that the difference between the quantity of two college is the major reason to cause the difference between the number of employment . Second , do those two college really has disparity in the statistic number of employed graduates? 话说我一直有一个疑惑，TS可以用问句么？还是一定要用陈述的。Through the information which author provied , we can not make sure that the certain gap do exist . The data of  MVC is from the placement office which may only collect part of the student of MVC ,so if the data of GMC is based on all gradusting senior students , the 70percent and 90 percent are not compareable in this case .Even  if we assum that the placement office do collect all the graduates's information , we can also queation that is the data of GMC comes within the three months after graduation, without same range of data collection , the situation of two college can not be compared .Even if we negalect拼写again，555 all the unreasonable factors before,there still  an other flaw we should point out, it is possible that the job offers of GMV 's graduates contain a lot intership or part-time work offers .  For these type of offers , we can not assum all the offer takers can be promoted to full time work , it is highly possible that some of the intern or part-time worker will be dischaged when the time is done.哎呀，这一点我没有想到。。。Based on the above analysis, the data in this artical dose not necessarily indicate the difference between tow college is exist. Third, the anthor cites that in GMC only half of the job offers were related to student's major . 这一点我依旧没有想到，反驳地很犀利啊Can this situation be changed by GMC offers more bussiness courses and hire more job counselors ? It is a common phenomenon that what we learn in college does not directly useful in our job. One improtant function of higher enducation is to help people to gain the ability to learn new things . For most of the people , they will divoted more time to the career than the time they spend on campus , so it is impossible for college to teach all the skills and methods which will be useful in their whole life cereer , we need to keep learning and adjust .To cultivate ability , that is the role of college in our life .  So this phenomenon does not show the negetive of GMV , and obviously  there is not direct relavent between bussiness course and job content. 这句是TS么？ To sum up , the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands.这句我收了Based on the exist imformation,we can not conclude that GMC dose not have adequate bussiness curriculum and job conselors . To bolster the memorandom , the president need to provide us more convincing fact to show the relavent between bussiness courses and job hunting . And小错误 more accurate details in the camparison study用studying and comparing会不会更加妥当一点呢？. 弱弱地说，你的A没有I惊艳哦，也一样有找不到TS的问题。 不过一些反驳的点还是很精到的，也是有说服力的，但是我觉得可以更加彻底地阐述一下。 以及，一些很赞的句子啊~真好。

topranUID: 2310216

In this memorandum , the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) conclude that in order to help MVC's graduates to find employment , the college's board  of trustees should offer more courses in bussine ...
rachelwang712 发表于 2010-2-27 10:28

嗯 不知道a怎么写能出彩点 也是花了很多功夫写 不停气查字典
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