求助作文修改

lsj19851219UID: 2776783

Q:what are some important qualities of a good supervisor(boss)?
我的策略是：尽量把文章都写成比较对比型！


Now critics writing in the Journal Economist, which is the leading source of analysis on international business, show that nearly eighty percent of presidents of companies hold the belief that it is the amount of profit they can acquire that reflects the capacity of a boss. In my opinion, contrary to the belief is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that one individual, as a leader, should possess some more valuable characteristics, such as placing emphasis on the quality of products, on communicating with employees and on intensifying personal knowledge, even though there are one or two more advantages to obtaining profits.

Admittedly, most of bosses can reap a large amount of money from the ideology of aggregating interests exclusively. On the one hand, without money, there is no chance to improve employees’ welfare. When it comes to an attracting company for workers, it means initially a rich president and then higher wages or bonus. On the other hand, an increasing development of a corporation must rely on the sufficient funds. For example, Oracle, a famous company in IT industry, was once a small firm; however, through a period of fortune accumulating continuously it has become a world-wide company. And therefore receiving money exclusively has played a vital role in the development of most companies, particularly in small-scaled companies.

Even though the idea of how to acquire maximum profits is quite essential for a leader, there are other more important personalities on the comparison with the former. The quality of products seems as much part of firms’ life as breathing and eating. Viewing from long term perspective, a better reputation of companies is conducive to appealing an expanding number of customers who spend money on their money. For instance, Microsoft, the one among top 500 companies of the world, took a strategy previously that decreasing the price of its product but increasing the quality of products. It is the previous strategy that helps Microsoft to attract enormous customers until now. In contrast, some firms adopt fraudulent ads in order to gain maximum profits. In sum, a good boss should pay more attention on the quality of products rather than his income.

Last but not least, a good leader should be equipped with adequate knowledge in his region. Take Bill Gates as an example, he always insists on updating his expertise every month. Moreover, communicating with employees frequently is another essential personality to a good boss. If one leader is able to positively listen to employees’ opinions and adopt them, employees will contribute themselves to ordinary work with no hesitation.

Numerous although the favorable points that the idea of gaining profits exclusively leads to are, they cannot compete with the advantages for a boss that emphasizing the quality of products and associating with employees positively brings about, if a long term perspective is taken to consideration. Consequently, a good boss should possess these critical characteristics mentioned above.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Now critics writing in the journal Economist, which is the leading source of analysis on international business, show that nearly eighty percent of presidents of companies hold the belief that it is the amount of profit they can acquire that reflects the capacity of a boss. In my opinion, contrary to the belief is my heartfelt agreement with the idea (It is totally unclear that which 'belief' or 'idea' you're referring to. Plus, to use 'contrary' and 'agreement' in the same sentence needs particular attention to make sure readers know what you're 'contrary'-ing with and what you're agreeing with.) that one individual, as a leader, should possess some more valuable characteristics, such as placing emphasis on the quality of products, on communicating with employees and on intensifying personal knowledge, even though there are one or two more advantages to obtaining profits.

Admittedly, most of bosses can reap a large amount of money from the ideology of aggregating interests exclusively?? (I'm really trying to guess this. Do you mean 'monopoly'?). On the one hand, without money, there is no chance to improve employees’ welfares. When it comes to an attractive company for workers, it means initially a rich president? ('A rich president' will be the first thing that makes a company 'attractive' for workers'? Even more important than huge salaries?) and then higher wages or bonuses. On the other hand, an increasing development of a corporation must rely on the sufficient funds. For example, Oracle, a famous company in the IT industry, was once a small firm; however, through a period of continuous fortune accumulation, continuously it has become a world-wide company. And therefore receiving money exclusively (I'm still trying to guess what you mean by 'exclusively'.) has played a vital role in the development of most companies, particularly in small-scaled companies. (I thought we were to discuss qualities of a boss. Why does the paragraph end on how money-making is important for development of a company instead?)

Even though the idea of how to acquire maximum profits is quite essential for a leader, there are other more important personalities on the comparison with the former. The quality of products seems as much part of firms’s life as breathing and eating (I understand you're trying to use an analogy, but no, it just isn't right. Because firms don't breathe or eat. People do. So if your analogy is to be right, you should be mentioning 'people' somewhere.). Viewing from long term perspectives, a better reputation of companies is conducive to appealing an expanding number of customers who spend money on their money?. For instance, Microsoft, the one that's among top 500 companies of the world, took a strategy previously that  is to decrease the prices of its products but increase the quality of products (Wow. Did Microsoft ever do THAT?). It is the previous (Again, I'm still guessing what you're trying to express by 'previous' and the previous 'previously'. Do you mean 'early'?) strategy that helps Microsoft to attract enormous customers until now. In contrast, some firms adopt fraudulent ads in order to gain maximum profits (What does 'fraudulent ads' have to do with quality of products? You can have fraudulent ads and very good products. The two are not mutually exclusive.). In sum, a good boss should pay more attention on the quality of products rather than his income.

Last but not least, a good leader should be equipped with adequate knowledge in his region. Take Bill Gates as an example, he always insists on updating his expertise every month. Moreover, communicating with employees frequently is another essential personality to of a good boss. If one leader is able to positively listen to employees’ opinions and adopt them, employees will contribute themselves to ordinary work with no hesitation.

Numerous although the favorable points that the idea of gaining profits exclusively leads to are, they cannot compete with the advantages for that a boss that who emphasizes the quality of products and associates with employees positively brings about, if a long term perspective is taken to consideration. Consequently, a good boss should possess these critical characteristics mentioned above.

总结：

这位童鞋你的句子和词汇很长很美很华丽，但是你的文章让我看得一个头比三个大。。因为你的表意完全被不知所云的用词和高大空的语言掩盖掉了。。

另外，问题问的是good supervisor(boss)，而不是good CEO..这个boss甚至不需要是任何区域总裁类或者什么CXO之类的人物，只要他手下有管着人，他就是boss。不要因为你开篇用的例子是presidents就偷换了题目的概念。。=.=