[Big Fish]03月16日Issue207--By rokre2tt

rokre2ttUID: 2714355

According to the statement of the speaker, the rituals and ceremonies which help to identify a culture can enforce the sense of belonging to societies or groups of people. Undoubtedly, rituals and ceremonies are some symbols of humanity, but people can't reinforce the sense of who they are only through these rituals and ceremonies, integrating into the group with conscious in the ordinary life are more important and effective.

Admittedly, for a long time, rituals and ceremonies maintain the commutation of people, and they have an important effect to the generation and development of human civilization. To the primitives, they communicate with each other not conveniently like today, so such a ritual-totemism-is an important content in their daily lives. Through such a ritual, the primitives can assemble in integrity to enforce their ability to defend the harsh environment. Furthermore, our predecessors form their ideology based on the primitive totemism, which is the prototype of today's civilization. Provided there are no rituals in the ancient time, there will be no such civilization today which can be proud by us.

However, people won't have sense of belonging to the group only through the rituals and ceremonies. In generally, rituals and ceremonies are only symbols, no realities in them. Except those who are religious persons, most people take rituals as a routine process. Hardly imagine such process can leave people deep impression to influence their behaviors. As we all know, there are many crimes who are Christians, but they also take part in the mass every week. And there are also many Islam extremists who often make terrorist activities in the world to defy the existing international order. We cannot simply consider that they have strong sense of belonging to our society because they are religious saints who often join in the rituals.

Furthermore, people's sense of belonging to the society depended on their motives. Though rituals and ceremonies can reinforce the sense, but people's personal attitude is the decisive factor. If he/she doesn't want to convert his/her intention, any enforcement through rituals or ceremonies can't be effective. Only when people want to approach to the society, can these methods work. Of course, the long term isolation from the society may lead people not gregarious, rituals and ceremonies could help them sense the warm of group, but only after they want to make a alteration, they can be accepted by the society, and have the real sense of belonging to the society.

In addition, compared with the symbolic rituals and ceremonies, the trivial practice in common life to integrate into the society can reinforce people's sense of who they are. The practice can generate a direct sense of belonging, which can't be substituted by symbolic rituals and ceremonies. To most persons, if he can do something which is accepted by others, he will have a particular sense that he is an effective person to society. In the contrast, rituals and ceremonies only make him feel that he is a social member, but if he isn't popularize in the practical society, he will have a psychological gap, which is not good for him to integrate into the group.

In summarize, rituals and ceremonies are surely important to the cultures and people's sense of belonging to the society, but they are not all. These things are only some representations of human civilianization. People can get to know cultures through rituals and ceremonies, but if they want to reinforce their sense of who they are, only with these things are not sufficient, more practical work to integrate into the society are necessary.

隐雾UID: 2776185

According to the statement of the speaker, the rituals and ceremonies which help to identify a culture can enforce the sense of belonging to societies or groups of people. Undoubtedly, rituals and ceremonies are some symbols of humanity, but people can't reinforce the sense of who they are only through these rituals and ceremonies, integrating into the group with conscious in the ordinary life are more important and effective.
简洁有效的开头！

Admittedly, for a long time, rituals and ceremonies maintain the commutation of people, and they have an important effect to the generation and development of human civilization. To the primitives, they communicate with each other not conveniently like today（和today对比，是不是应该用过去时态？）, so such a ritual-totemism-is an important content in their daily lives. Through such a ritual, the primitives can assemble in integrity to enforce their ability to defend the harsh environment. Furthermore, our predecessors form their ideology based on the primitive totemism, which is the prototype of today's civilization. Provided there are no rituals in the ancient time, there will be no such civilization today which can be proud by us.

这一段时态整个有点混乱。是古今对比呢还是也牵扯了将来？建议再校正一遍

However, people won't have sense of belonging有点怪，动名词用法要慎重 to the group only through the rituals and ceremonies. In generally, rituals and ceremonies are only symbols, and there is no realities in them. Except those who are religious persons, most people take rituals as a routine process. Hardly imagine such process can leave people deep impression to influence their behaviors. As we all know, there are many crimes who are Christians, but they also take part in the mass every week. And there are also many Islam extremists who often make terrorist activities in the world to defy the existing international order. We cannot simply consider that they have strong sense of belonging to our society because they are religious saints who often join in the rituals.

这一段的例子我个人认为不大合适，不仅有点宗教攻击的感觉（可能是我太敏感），而且主要是本身没多少说服力。比如，怎么把犯罪的行为和题目的culture联系起来呢，或者是关于who they are？都还欠缺一个说明

Furthermore, people's sense of belonging这种难道是native用法？我没详查…望LZ告知 to the society depended on their motives. Though rituals and ceremonies can reinforce the sense, but people's personal attitude is the decisive factor. If he/she doesn't want to convert his/her intention, any enforcement through rituals or ceremonies can't be effective. Only when people want to approach to the society, can these methods work. Of course, the long term isolation from the society may lead people not gregarious, rituals and ceremonies could help them sense the warm of group, but only after they want to make a alteration, they can can they be accepted by the society, and have the real sense of belonging to the society.

In addition, compared with the symbolic rituals and ceremonies, the trivial practice in common life to integrate into the society can reinforce people's sense of who they are. The practice can generate a direct sense of belonging, which can't be substituted by symbolic rituals and ceremonies. To most persons, if he can do something which is accepted by others, he will have a particular sense that he is an effective person to society. In the contrast, rituals and ceremonies only make him feel that he is a social member, but if he isn't popularize in the practical society, he will have a psychological gap, which is not good for him to integrate into the group.

In summarize, rituals and ceremonies are surely important to the cultures and people's sense of belonging to the society, but they are not all. These things are only some representations of human civilianization. People can get to know cultures through rituals and ceremonies, but if they want to reinforce their sense of who they are, only with these things are not sufficient, more practical work to integrate into the society are necessary.

开头很有力，结尾可以更简短一些照应开头简洁的感觉。

Sense of belonging to……且不说这种用法好不好，全文至少用了5次，而且不是一个小词而是比较长比较显眼的结构，写多了让人感觉很不好。

此外，rituals and ceremonies也不断重复出现，虽然是key words，但是是不是可以考虑用代词或者复合句使其尽量少地出现呢？