ivycxh issue130 【Cracking AW】3.17

ivycxhUID: 2684552

The speaker claims that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.  In my view, how children are socialized which may influence the whole society, but it's not the crucial factors. Nowadays, our educational method to some extend are good for our children.
     Admittedly, the socialization of the contemporary children has value in creating a better society. The socialization of children not only need to learn about cultural knowledge but also need to absorb the peer culture and how to play different roles on different occasion. Through socialization, it may establish the foundation of children's value and train them become self-sufficiency. It is more efficient to do some social work, especially in business and media which play key roles in development of society. On the contrary, a child without socialization may be unhealthy in psychology.
    However, socialization is not the only factor influencing society. It is unnecessary to educate all the children to be socialized people because some important roles in society do not desire as much socialization as others. For example, in art, the Dutch Post-Impressionist painter Vicent van Gogh painted a lot of work which have a far-reaching influence on 20 century art for its vivid colors and emotional impact while he merely communicate with any people except for writing letters to his brother. He once lived with a Spanish painter, and his roommate are forced to move away because of lacking communication. He is such an unsocialized man but a great artist who make great contribution to the development of society. As a result, other factors which also determine the destiny of society, like most of children's potential, are more important than socialization.
     From the perspective of the social development and progress, people have learned to educate their children to create a better society. Children are born with different gifts, so we should educate children in accordance with individual differences instead of teaching them all to be socialized. There is no doubt that children who can make most of their potential and make full use of advantages in the future will bring about a better society. However , it's no deniable that some problems existing in our education system. We need to figure out where the problem is and try to create a better environment for our children.
     In sum, socialized children play important roles in constructing a better society, however, the destiny of society do not be simply determined by socialized children,it decided by various children, like artists and scientists who are not somewhat socialized

chrisplynUID: 2446236

有问题我们再讨论哈！

sunmintijmuUID: 2692476

The speaker claims that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.  In my view, how children are socialized which may influence the whole society, but it's not the crucial factor. Nowadays, our educational method to some extend is good for our children——结合题目的第二个观点吧，这样有点突兀.     Admittedly, the socialization of the contemporary children has value in creating a better society. The socialization of children not only needs to learn about cultural knowledge but also need to absorb the peer culture and how to play different roles on different occasions. Through socialization, it may establish the foundation of children's value and train them become self-sufficiency. It is more efficient to do some social work, especially in business and media which play key roles in development of society. On the contrary, a child without socialization may be unhealthy in psychology.
    However, socialization is not the only factor influencing society. It is unnecessary to educate all the children to be socialized people because some important roles in society do not desire as much socialization as others. For example, in art, the Dutch Post-Impressionist painter Vicent van Gogh painted a lot of work which have a far-reaching influence on 20 century art for its vivid colors and emotional impact while he merely communicate with any people except for writing letters to his brother. He once lived with a Spanish painter, and his roommate is forced to move away because of lacking communication. He is such an unsocialized man but a great artist who makes great contribution to the development of society. As a result, ——不恰当other factors which also determine the destiny of society, like most of children's potential——如果说了最好举例子，要不就不要说了, are more important than socialization.
     From the perspective of the social development and progress, people have learned to educate their children to create a better society. Children are born with different gifts, so we should educate children in accordance with individual differences instead of teaching them all to be socialized. There is no doubt that children who can make most of their potential and make full use of advantages in the future will bring about a better society. However, it's no deniable that some problems existing in our education system. We need to figure out where the problem is and try to create a better environment for our children.
     In sum, socialized children play important roles in constructing a better society, however, the destiny of society do not be simply determined by socialized children, it is decided by various children, like artists and scientists who are not somewhat socialized.
大体上面观点是清楚的，但是在阐述的时候不是很清楚，句子和句子间的联系不是很紧密。我想这是大多数人都会犯的错误，包括我自己，写着写着都不知道自己在写什么了；另外这里面的句子不是都出自你自己之手吧，我也喜欢把看似很厉害的句子拼在一起，但是这样文章就失去了整体性。我也正在致力于如果解决这些之间的矛盾。作文真的是所有中国人心里面的痛，大家加油！！
BTW:注意简单的语法。单复数的问题。