5.17 独立写作练习，加油！

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

呜呜，刚写时间太长了，一点提交全没了。。。重新开始写，加油！
5.17 07.12.89 G) Y- l* t+ T; c6 u6 m/ n
Advertisements are a waste of company's money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy.
21:00
If there were no advertisements, it'll be rather troublesome when we go shopping. Advertisements have been existing for a long time. In the ancient China, merchants would proberly hang pieces of cloth in front of their store introducing features of their products and make aggressive speeches to attract customers' attentions. Advertisements have played a vital role both in the market and in the society ever since.

Nowadays, industries develop rapidly with the help of science and technology. Super-markets, shopping malls and street-corner stores are filled up with all kinds of goods produced by different companies. Generally there would be several brands of products for each kind of good, and it's hard for the customers who are not specialized in these fields to tell which one is better, for the packages, usage instructions and shapes of the product look so similar. That's the point where advertisements could work. An dependable star or an authorized specialist stands out and gives clear suggestions to the confused customers, who are already dazzled. Then the company can sell out all its goods, and the customer can also buy satisfied articles. Advertisements here bridge the gap between companies and customers and make both sides get what they want. For example, the war between Coca Cola and PEPSI is a typical advertisements competition. Both of the companies have spent lots of money in inviting celebrities to advertise their products. And the investment in advertisement affect the companies' sales directly. It's also true in the purgation industry, electronics industry, service industry, etc.

There is an old proverb in China that says: the fragrancy of the wine would attract customers to the remote tavern. I think the fragrancy itself is a kind of advertisement. Customers always want to buy the products that satisfy them most, and advertisements are just made to meet their needs. It's not a waster of money and energy for company to advertise, on the contray, it's an efficiant way to win in the fiercely competing market and improve the quality of people's life.
22:01

mill123UID: 2782062

沙发  万分感谢楼主
有这么多好的资料我都不好意思考不好饿

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

2# mill123 惶恐ing，加油加油！每天写一篇！

canoe03UID: 2786666

If there were no advertisements, it'll be rather troublesome when we go shopping. Advertisements have been existing(existed) for a long time. In the ancient China, merchants would proberly(?what’s meaning) hang pieces of cloth in front of their store introducing features of their products and make aggressive speeches to attract customers' attentions. Advertisements have played a vital role both in the market and in the society ever since.

Nowadays, industries develop rapidly with the help of science and technology. Super-markets, shopping malls and street-corner stores are filled up with all kinds of goods produced by different companies. Generally there would be several brands of products(这个可以删掉) for each kind of good(goods), and it's hard for the customers who are not specialized in(don’t specialize in) these fields to tell which one is better, for the packages, usage instructions and shapes of the product look so similar. That's the point where advertisements could work. An(a) dependable star or an authorized specialist stands out and gives clear suggestions to the confused customers, who are already dazzled(这句话不知道是什么意思). Then the company can sell out all its goods, and the customer can also buy satisfied articles. Advertisements here bridge the gap between companies and customers and make both sides get what they want. For example, the war between Coca Cola and PEPSI is a typical advertisements competition. Both of the companies have spent lots of money in inviting celebrities to advertise their products. And the investment in advertisement affect(affects) the companies' sales directly. It's also true in the purgation industry, electronics industry, service industry, etc.

There is an old proverb in China that says: the fragrancy of the wine would attract customers to the remote tavern. I think the fragrancy itself is a kind of advertisement. Customers always want to buy the products that satisfy them most, and advertisements are just made to meet their needs. It's not a waster(waste) of money and energy for company to advertise, on the contray(拼写错误), it's an efficient way to win in the fiercely competing market and improve the quality of people's life.

(楼主这篇作文中部分语法错误，基本还是很好的。个人觉得中间那段话可以拆成两段这样会比较好。还有那个百事和可口可乐的例子不大有说服力，因为说的不大具体。加油！)

yixin5690UID: 2790180

1# chrysoidine

If there were no advertisements, it'll be rather troublesome when we go shopping. Advertisements have been existing for a long time. In the ancient China, merchants would proberly hang pieces of cloth in front of their store introducing features of their products and make aggressive speeches to attract customers' attentions. Advertisements have played a vital role both in the market and in the society ever since., w2 `, o. @2 v! d' t# l0 C

% d: T) o9 _+ @& ~# n# |Nowadays, industries develop rapidly with the help of science and technology. Super-markets, shopping malls and street-corner stores are filled up with all kinds of goods produced by different companies. Generally there would be several brands of products for each kind of good, and it's hard for the customers who are not specialized in these fields to tell which one is better, for the packages, usage instructions and shapes of the product look so similar. That's the point where advertisements could work. An dependable star or an authorized specialist stands out and gives clear suggestions to the confused customers, who are already dazzled. Then the company can sell out all its goods, and the customer can also buy satisfied articles. Advertisements here bridge the gap between companies and customers and make both sides get what they want. For example, the war between Coca Cola and PEPSI is a typical advertisements competition. Both of the companies have spent lots of money in inviting celebrities to advertise their products. And the investment in advertisement affect the companies' sales directly. It's also true in the purgation industry, electronics industry, service industry, etc.. U: X3 T5 j& z: a& t" c& O- y

, s' n  s, O/ b$ j; @' c  kThere is an old proverb in China that says: the fragrancy of the wine would attract customers to the remote tavern. I think the fragrancy itself is a kind of advertisement. Customers always want to buy the products that satisfy them most, and advertisements are just made to meet their needs. It's not a waster of money and energy for company to advertise, on the contray, it's an efficiant way to win in the fiercely competing market and improve the quality of people's life

楼主全篇都在讲广告的好处，而题目上说广告浪费钱是在人们已经知道该买什么的前提下， 要反驳的话建议加一段说大多人根本不清楚自己要买什么，有时就是跟风而已，文章很流畅。 其它的的跟canon03意见一样

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

4# canoe03
受用ing，谢谢！明天整理一下得出修改稿～

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

5.18 09.6.21 Technology makes people's lives simpler in turn to make people's lives more complicated.

Technology has brought human beings lots of convenience and helps ever since it came up for the first time. The emergence of steam engine (?) freed laborers from heavy manual work; and computers did do most of the computing for scientists, engineers, economists, etc. In my opinion, technology makes people's lives simpler rather than more complicated, and we shouldn't blame the human's own faults on technology itself.

People's lives become much easier in this technology widely-used era. Advanced agricultural machines provide us with sufficient food and clothes; skilled architects designed compact buildings with new technologies; Cars, trains and air-crafts can take us wherever we want to go. A recent survey shows that the average life span of human beings is 8 - 10 years longer than ever before, and apparently that's the contribution of technology, which provides us with simple but efficient life styles and spares us more time to enjoy lives. Besides, without the help of advanced technologies, I were probably walking on the road to take the TOEFL examination like the old intellectuals went to the Capital to pursue their fames with a bunch of luggage and a boy Friday. But now I'm just sitting in front of a computer and could submit my answers through the Internet to the ETS center directly.

Technology helps us to explore the unknowns much simpler. Where we came from, where we should go, unlike the other creatures in the world, human beings tend to ask a lot of questions about everything around them. To get all the answers, generations and generations of people have sacrificed their whole life inventing tools, designing experiments and developing theories; and just because of their efforts, we can walk on the moon and send satellite to the Mars to seek the secrets of the universe. It's technology that makes it easy for all of our fancy thoughts to come true.

Of course, everything has two sides. We shouldn't neglect the disasters which the misuse of technology brings. Dying out species, global warming and earthquakes are warning people of the excess exploration of the natural resources. We should take advantage of technology properly in a sustainable way.


Of course, we cannot deny that the more advanced the technology is, the more choices we have. And making choices is also a tough task. Thus someone may say that technology makes people's lives more complicated, for it's hard to make decisions. Well, that may be his own problem not the technology's.

That's all how I think about technology. We should make good use of it and lead a simpler and better life.
后面写的有点小跑题。

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

5.19 09.6.12  Sdudents should work ar part-time jobs when attending the university.
20:34

With the widespread of college education, more and more youngsters could go to the university for further study in China. Since students are traditionally deemed as intellectuals living in the Ivory Tower, it's considered to be improper for college students to work at part-time jobs. However, I don't think so.


Firstly, part-jobs can foster the practical abilities of students. Textbooks describe knowledge abstractly; even with the help of teachers, learners still cannot understand a concept vividly, unless they try it in practice in person. Working at part-time jobs can compensate the shortcomings of the college education. For example, when I finished my programming lessons, I could only write console applications with C++, and I thought that was all that C++ could do, but after I had worked at the laboratory as a part-time job, I found what I had learned was so limited and there were many other applications in the programming field, which I had never met in the textbooks or in the classrooms.


Secondly, college students can support themselves with the money they earn in the part-time jobs. Attending university means you should pay for the tuition, the rent and the food. It's not a good idea to ask parents for money, since most students are grown-up and at the age of independence. There are a lot of successful people begin to earn money earlier in their lives, such as Ma Yun, the CEO of the Alibaba Corporation, Steve Paul Jobs, the CEO of Apple, etc.


Lastly, it provides the college students with chances to plan their whole life. Many students go to the university without knowing what they will do in the future. Part-time jobs can give them insights into the world and make them clear about how the future would be like. If they dislike their majors, they would change it as early as possible instead of being tortured for the rest of their lives. Working at part-time jobs when attending the university is just like the virtual machine running on the Windows Operating System, and you can try Debian, Ubuntu and finally find your favorite.


Considering all that I said above, we know college students should go out to work at a part-time job. As long as you spare proper time and energy on jobs and classes, a bright prospect is awaiting for you.
10:06

ggj_lllUID: 2796021

5.19 09.6.12  Sdudents should work ar part-time jobs when attending the university. h5 R
With the widespread of college education, more and more youngsters could go to the university for further study in China. Since students are traditionally deemed [这个词用的很好]as intellectuals living in the Ivory Tower, it's considered to be improper for college students to work at part-time jobs. However, I don't think so.
Firstly, part-jobs [part-time jobs] can foster [你的词汇好丰富，用了不少亮点词汇] the practical abilities of students. Textbooks describe knowledge abstractly; even with the help of teachers, learners still cannot understand a concept vividly, unless they try it in practice in person. Working at part-time jobs can compensate the shortcomings of the college education. For example, when I finished my programming lessons, I could only write console applications with C++, and I thought that was all that C++ could do, but after I had worked at the laboratory as a part-time job, I found what I had learned was so limited and there were many other applications in the programming field, which I had never met in the textbooks or in the classrooms. [很好，长短句式结合，还有很有说服力的例子]
Secondly, college students can support themselves with the money they earn in the part-time jobs. Attending university means you should pay for the tuition, the rent and the food. It's not a good idea to ask parents for money, since most students are grown-up and at the age of independence. There are a lot of successful people begin to earn money earlier in their lives, such as Ma Yun, the CEO of the Alibaba Corporation, Steve Paul Jobs, the CEO of Apple, etc.[这个例子很好]
Lastly, it provides the college students with chances to plan their whole life. Many students go to the university without knowing what they will do in the future. Part-time jobs can give them insights [很好的词汇]into the world and make them clear about how the future would be like. If they dislike their majors, they would change it as early as possible instead of being tortured for the rest of their lives. Working at part-time jobs when attending the university is just like the virtual machine running on the Windows Operating System, and you can try Debian, Ubuntu and finally find your favorite.[这个例子类比的很贴切，但是Debian和Ubuntu对于非计算机爱好者而言可能就比较陌生了，不知道ETS的老师能否理解，我是在网上google之后才知道他们的具体意思。Anyway, 这个例子还是很好的]
Considering all that I said above, we know college students should go out to work at a part-time job. As long as you spare proper time and energy on jobs and classes, a bright prospect is awaiting for you.


总结：你的词汇运用和造句能力很强。我很羡慕你能自如地运用贴切的词汇表达你的意思，还有你列举的例子也很好，除了一个比较专业之外。总之，你的文章很好。

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

真的非常感谢你的修改，例子的确不够通俗，以后我多加注意！

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

5.21  09.2.14 To be well-informed people should get information from many different information sources.

20:54计划在9：30写完

Information has played an important role ever since it was come up with, and with the rapid development of the society, it has become the key word to mark the era we live in. To get well-informed, lots of countries have invested a large amount of money in developing advanced information technologies; consequently, Internet, mobile phones and all the other communication devices came out to support the need for multi-source information. In the generation of information, success depends on all kinds of information we can get, so we should collect information in many different sources to achieve our goals.

As far as I am concerned, multi-source information provides people with different recommendations, which could help them find the best way to solve their problems. Generally, all roads lead to Rome, but there are always some easy ways. People's judgements usually base on their experience and thoughts, which are very limited,  so it's a wise decision to collect information from many sources first and raise proposals secondly. For instance, when I attended the JA Management and Economic Simulation Exercise classes, information from the company and industry reports, business consultants, and even the simulation software decides whether you could win or not, because these messages could remind you of different factors in the commercial competition and then affect your final strategy.

On the opposite, however, if we turn a deaf ear to the information from different sources, the results will be very terrible. Sometimes, there would be some rumors around us, and it's hard to tell whether they are true. If we choose to believe it without considering other sources of information, the result is doomed to disaster, like the panics for epidemic diseases, earthquakes, etc.

Considering what I've said above, people should get information from different sources to be well-informed, and then they can lead a happy, secure and successful life.

canoe03UID: 2786666

Information has played an important role ever since it wascome up with, and with the rapid development of the society, it has become thekey word to mark the era we live in(brilliant!). To get (tobe) well-informed, lots of countries have invested a large amount ofmoney in developing advanced information technologies; consequently, Internet,mobile phones and all the other communication devices came out to support theneed for multi-source information. In the generation of information, successdepends on all kinds of information we can get, so we should collectinformation in many different sources to achieve our goals.

Asfar as I am concerned, multi-source information provides people with differentrecommendations, which could help them find the best way to solve theirproblems. Generally, all roads lead to Rome,but there are always some easy ways. People's judgements usually base on theirexperience and thoughts, which are very limited, so it's a wise decision tocollect information from many sources first and raise proposals secondly. Forinstance, when I attended the JA Management and Economic Simulation Exerciseclasses, information from the company and industry reports, businessconsultants, and even the simulation software decides whether you could win ornot, because these messages could remind you of different factors in thecommercial competition and then affect your final strategy.

Onthe opposite, however, if we turn a deaf ear to the information from differentsources, the results will be very terrible. Sometimes, there would be somerumors around us, and it's hard to tell(confirm)whether they are true. If we choose to believe it without considering othersources of information, the result is doomed to disaster, like the panics forepidemic diseases, earthquakes, etc.(写到这里没有了，有点突然)

Consideringwhat I've said above, people should get information from different sources tobe well-informed, and then they can lead a happy, secure and successful life.

行文很好，语法比较完善(我要多多像楼主学习！)，就是在第三段中论证有些微弱，还有就是楼主似乎没有怎么强调become well-formed，
信息来源多元说的比较多。我要多多像楼主学习！加油！

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

嗯，是这样子的，写到后来时间太长了，意兴阑珊，就草草结尾，速度是我的硬伤。

ggj_lllUID: 2796021

Information has played an important role ever since it was come up with, and with the rapid development of the society, it has become the key word to mark the era we live in. To get well-informed, lots of countries have invested a large amount of money in developing advanced information technologies; consequently, Internet, mobile phones and all the other communication devices came out to support the need for multi-source information. In the generation [改成age会不会更好些？]of information, success depends on all kinds of information we can get, so we should collect information in many different sources to achieve our goals.

As far as I am concerned, multi-source information provides people with different recommendations, which could help them find the best way to solve their problems.[很好] Generally, all roads lead to Rome, but there are always some easy ways. People's judgements usually base on their experience and thoughts, which are very limited,  so it's a wise decision to collect information from many sources first and raise proposals secondly. For instance, when I attended the JA Management and Economic Simulation Exercise classes, information from the company and industry reports, business consultants, and even the simulation software decides whether you could win or not, because these messages could remind you of different factors in the commercial competition and then affect your final strategy;
On the opposite, however, if we turn a deaf ear to the information from different sources, the results will be very terrible. [转折承上启下，连贯自然]Sometimes, there would be some rumors around us, and it's hard to tell whether they are true. If we choose to believe it without considering other sources of information, the result is doomed to disaster, like the panics for epidemic diseases, earthquakes, etc.

Considering what I've said above, people should get information from different sources to be well-informed, and then they can lead a happy, secure and successful life.


总结，文章写得很流畅，层次清晰，遣词造句水平很高。只是文章第二个分论点在加一个例子或其它，会显得更完善。（这个题目的例子比较难找，郁闷）。
此外，谢谢你给我修改文章并提出好的建议。

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

谢谢！加油，共同进步！