【Flyer杀G作文组】6.22-Issue50-By jingjing017

jingjing017UID: 2734491

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 533
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-6-23 18:49:23

Tht speaker claims that to improve the quality of the college's instruction, all faculty should spend some ot their time to work outside the compus in the relevance courses they teach, in my view, the speaker's claim is well-received , after all, the aim of collage's education is raise students' coreer abilties. in some academic field, the experices of workship is definitely neccessary. however, i concede the speaker's conclusion is out of range, in some certain cases, the parcitise experices is not indepensable.
Generaly, there are two catogaries of disclpin of edcuation with different porpous in the universities. one is to train students with partical skills which put them in the more advantage position at the job market, such as engineering, economic,law, and intenet technlogy school. another aim at cultiving well-round person and seems less particuly, such as history, polidopher, literature and so forth. the former requires more partical experience in order to adjust the charecters of job, however, the latter requires aboudant theroy knowlege rather than paritcal experience.
Consider the faculty of the economy, during this study time, they might learn numberious economic principles, take the supply and demand raltionship as an example, by memories the rote priciples and numberous formules. students attained a skethy picture, yet when comes to the real cases. students will find it is too diffical to understand, in this case, the paritcal experice expresses its importance. compare to the roted principles, real work experices plays more importan role. Consider anther examples of law school student, as we all konw, they must remeber million and million priciples and docrtines, however, the paritcal experience is as well neccessary as the econmic student , when they are adress the real cases, they will find
not all facts equate with the priclpins, To become an effective lotyer, they need adqut expenriece befor they can adrees the cases solely.
When comes to the faculty of history or physical subjects. partical experience might be less importance. in fact, most famous schoolar of these fields make great attribution only depend on theory knowleg.
the history is replete with the examples who were well-educated without partical experenic. The man like Aristotle who is most famous phiosopher, during his life he works on legic, matematics, natural science and so forth, his contribute attribute to the theory knowleg, we can find without partical work experience, he also makes great contribution. samily, nicai, nidun, are also convied examples.
Adimittedly, Partical experienc does very important, However, undue emphasis on the working experience might indicate some disadvantage results. such as waste the time to learn theory, or something else.in fact,Lack the enough theroy knowledge as an basement, partical exprenice might developed to a abivate ways. thus, the blance of these two is more important.
To sum up, in different cases, partical experience plays the diffent roles. In order to imporve the qulity of colleges' instruction, it might be well-balance the patical experice and theory learning.

红绡UID: 2839171

1# jingjing017

修改——by潇:



“The speaker claims that to improve the quality of the college's instruction, all faculty should spend some of their time to work outside the campus in the relevance courses they teach. In my view, the speaker's claim is well-received, after all, the aim of collage's education is raise students' career abilities. In some academic field, the experiences of workship is definitely necessary. However, I concede the speaker's conclusion is out of range, in some certain cases, the parcitise experices is not indispensable.”

如果修饰courses的话是不是该用relevant形容词呢，感觉有点不太通，建议改成：in the relevant field they teach
is to raise
workship改成collaboration
practical experiences

  “Generally, there are two categories of discipline of education with different purposes in the universities. One is to train students with partical skills which put them in the more advantage position at the job market, such as engineering, economy, law and internet technology school. Another aim at cultivating well-round person and seems less particular, such as history, philosophy, literature and so forth. The former requires more practical experience in order to adjust the characters of job, however, the latter requires abundant theory knowledge rather than practical experience.”


with partical skills改成to gain strong practical skills
in an advantageous position
in job market
such as engineering, economy, law and internet technology school. 这个地方不太理解。列举行业时，最后一个internet technology school不理解。

Another aim at cultivating…… : another改成the other这里的aim是用成名词还是动词。语法有些记不清了，但是感觉这里不太通。 The other is aiming at cultivating …and it seems…
well-round: 不明白要培养哪种人…

以上这一段可以稍微展开一下

  “Considering the faculty of the economy, during this study time, they might learn numerous economic principles, take the supply and demand relationship as an example, by memories the rote principles and numerous formulas. Students attained a sketchy picture, yet when comes to the real cases. Students will find it is too difficult to understand, in this case, the practical experience expresses its importance. Compared to the roted principles, real work experiences plays more important role. Consider another examples of law school student, as we all know, they must remember million and million principles and doctrines, however, the practical experience is as well necessary as the economic students. When they are address the real cases, they will find not all facts equate with the principles, To become an effective
lawyer, they need adequate experience before they can address the cases solely.”


Numerous重复
Practical experience重复
Principles 重复/原理还可以用：principium, theory, fundamentals, elements/ theorem尤指数学定理
million and million :Tens of thousands更合适吧
The: 这里需要用么？没有特指
第一个Address:建议用encounter，第二个Address: 是想表达处理事务么？建议用：handle, manage, deal with, transact等等
Solely: 用independently 更合适



  “When comes to the faculty of history or physical subjects. Practical experience might be less importance. in fact, most famous scholars of these fields make great attribution only depend on theory knowledge.The history is replete with the examples who were well-educated without practical experience. The man like Aristotle who is most famous philosopher, during his life he worked on logic, mathematics, natural science and so forth, his contribute attribute to the theory knowledge, we can find without practical work experience, he also makes great contribution. Samily, Nicai, Nidun, are also convied examples.”



practical experience 全文重复：可用hands-on experience, 或换种表达方法
玫红标记的话有点别扭.
The man like Aristotle who is one of the most famous philosophers/a notable/illustrious philosopher…
so forth 重复
Nicai, Nidun: 不知道有没有理解错，Nietzsche and Newton
convied是什么？？

  “Admittedly, practical experience does very important. However, undue emphasis on the working experience might indicate some disadvantage results such as waste the time to learn theory, or something else. In fact, lack the enough theory knowledge as a basement, practical experience might develope to a abivate ways. Thus, balance of these two is more important.”

waste the time，这里waste是动词，改成动名词形式，且 time 前面不用the。而且感觉用浪费这个词来形容理论研究不合适。


However, undue emphasis on working experience may induce some disadvantages which may pay for one’s whistle such as spending too much time on theory study disregarding the importance of practice.

Theory 重复

这句不通。建议：In fact, if one lacks in speculative knowledge which is groundwork, he could hardly encounter and settle the problems faced under practical working.
practical experience might develope to a abivate ways:看不懂

最后一句改写，不要见怪哈：Thus, preserving balance between theoretical/fundamental study and actual operation is of capital importance.

  “To sum up, in different cases, practical experience plays the different roles. In order to improve the quality of colleges' instruction, it might be well-balance the practical experience and theory learning.”

P.S.:红色未加批注的地方有拼写错误，均已改正

格式基本符合标准
第三、四段举例过渡的不好。建议先说明一下观点再引申出例子，并增强下逻辑衔接性。
拼写错误太多，重复使用词语现象也较多。


===============================================



修改的不当请多多修正哈，共同学习~~~^-^

jingjing017UID: 2734491

2# 红绡


谢谢了~~ 改的非常详细
我应该在word里面先修改一下拼写的错误，~ 语法方面和同义词替换方面还很需要加强