issue130 【ForOneReason小组8】7.21

AlmightyEricUID: 2855660

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行走天下UID: 2855381

I agree with the speaker's broad assertion that socialization has important role in raising children and contributing to the development of society. However, thespeaker's field of vision is narrow and totally ignores other indispensable oreven more crucial factors which affect the development of society. Moreover, I can't have the consensus with speaker about his opinion that we have notlearned how to raise children who can construct a better society. Admittedly,it's important for the construction of better society to get children socialized.Socialization is a distinct character of a social man. Skills to communicate aremomentous part of socialization.（社会化是一个过程，在这个过程中获得交流能力，可以说具有能力是社会化的表现） In business entrepreneurs need to communicatewith clients, discuss with his coworkers and negotiate with hiscollaborators and rivals. Better communication skills make enterprisers havegreater chances to make more profit, which makes great contributions to thesociety such as more taxes, ,more positions to be provided for the workers and more prosperous market.(这句很好，时刻与贡献社会相连 扣题) In political life theinfluences of socialization are more apparent and necessary. Every politicianand is role model of children who were well-socialized from childhood.需要举例支持 That’swhy they can participate in the society and deal with the most complicatedpolitical affairs.有些泛泛 But weshould not only focus on the socialization and have naive ideas that socializationcan determines the destiny of society. Actually individual factors to affect society arevarious such as socialization, technology, innovation, and specialization. Aswe all know, technology a primary productive force to propel the development ofsociety and give the whole society earthshaking changes. Look back on thehistory, the development of human beings is the development of technology. Dueto the Industrial Revolution, western countries can enter the capitalism, whichis definitely the most profound change of society. Great scientists are thosewe should be proud of and honor forever. As a matter a fact some of them areabsorbed in labs and their own majors, which means some of them actually arenot good at socialization. 但是很多创造性的理论实践起来，需要社会化的努力，否则很难贡献社会，而只是停留在理论阶段Take an extreme example, some children who have the disease called autism are really not well-socialized but they have some unparalleled talents like brilliant memory. They can also make contributions to the whole societyin their unique ways. Moreover,I am not on the side of speaker about his assertion that we haven't learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. The assertion completely makes no sense when we look back on the continuing development of society.How can human being make progress generation by generation if this generationdoesn’t know how to teach their descendant? From the development of human being, human being has formed a effective and systematic education system to teach the next generation. Although theeducation system is unexceptional and have many flaws the merits of human beingare to find the flaws to correct them and keep abreast of the current society. In sum,the importance of socialization can't be neglected and should also have a broadperspective to making future better. As long as we make sure all the positivefactors come into effect there is no doubt that future society will be a dream society.

逻辑线索很清楚，结合题目的表述顺序，先肯定SOCIALISATION的重要，再指出并非唯一的必要因素，驳斥其是充要条件的观点。然后否定我们不会教育孩子的论断。但是需要进一步推敲的是断言性的文字需要有EVIDENCE支持，而非主观表述，最好再展开些。语言上 可以看出ERIC在有意识的使用模板和高级词汇，加油，诸如重要，有好处，发展之类的词汇多多积累哈

AlmightyEricUID: 2855660

2# 行走天下
谢谢啊，非常感谢！很有收获