寄托天下
查看: 2219|回复: 2
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[a习作temp] argument 57----欢迎拍文 [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
202
注册时间
2010-7-7
精华
0
帖子
3
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2010-7-22 21:16:40 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 neverjust 于 2010-7-22 21:27 编辑




TOPIC: ARGUMENT57 - The following appeared in a newsletter on nutrition and health.



"Although the multimineral Zorba pill was designed as a simple dietary supplement, a study of first-time ulcer patients who took Zorba suggests that Zorba actually helps prevent ulcers. The study showed that only 25 percent of those ulcer patients who took Zorba under a doctor's direction developed new ulcers, compared to a 75 percent recurrence rate among ulcer patients who did not take Zorba. Clearly, then, Zorba will be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers and if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well."


WORDS: 383



The argument presented above suffered from several flaws. The author's conclusion that Zorba (Z) pill can be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers is ridiculous. But firstly, the study the author said cast doubt on it, and he did not supply any evidence to prove Z was effective on preventing ulcers. What’s more, He fails to consider the differences between the two groups of patients. Let me discuss it below.



To begin with, the study provided by author was open to doubt. The author did not supply all information about those patients who have taken Z, like what kind of ulcer they have got, how serious the ulcer is etc. Thus we could not evaluate whether those patients who attended the study are representative. So the author should not make the summarization too hasten.



Secondly, no evidence was showed to prove that Z is the reason that makes those patients doesn’t developed new ulcers any more. There may be some alternative explanations were ignored by the author. It may due to the doctor's treatment. It is possible that those patients have got other medicine to cure the ulcer. What's more, maybe some kinds of ulcer are just healed naturally, and by the protection method which taken by the patients, the ulcer have got no chance to come again. So he just fail to establish a casual relationship between taking Z and no new ulcers were developed again.



Last but not the least, there may be some differences other than taking Z between the patients who took the pills and the ones did not were ignored by author. From the argument we know the patients who got Z because of doctor’s directions. And maybe the doctor’s description included some medicine and the function of preventing ulcer was made by the mixture of several kinds of medicine. In addition, the people who did get the ulcer again may result from some other reason, like eat some other medicine, or have a inappropriate life style, or live in an environment which was more likely to make people get ulcers. So just conclude the situation by the unreliable study was invalid.



In sum, this argument is unpersuasive, to strengthen it, the author should check more information and analyze the whole situation carefully, then make the final summarization.

0 0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
119
注册时间
2010-7-11
精华
0
帖子
0
沙发
发表于 2010-7-22 23:46:43 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 heartleading 于 2010-7-22 23:53 编辑

The argument presented above suffered from several flaws. The author's conclusion that Zorba (Z) pill can be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers is ridiculous. But firstly, the study the author said cast doubt on it, and he did not supply any evidence to prove Z was effective on preventing ulcers. What’s more, He fails to consider the differences between the two groups of patients. Let me discuss it below.


To begin with, the study provided by author was open to doubt. The author did not supply all information about those patients who have taken(taking) Z, like what kind of ulcer they have got, how serious the ulcer is etc. Thus we could not evaluate whether those patients who attended the study are representative. So the author should not make the summarization too hasten( hastful )(溃疡种类及严重程度未知 故没有代表性)(这段是用来攻击study 那攻击点应该着重于:样本可能不充足; 调查者是那个医生+被调查者可能是病人-->被调查者可能回答预期的答案 ;观察期不够久-->那些taking Z的而没复发的人 很可能是在观察期较长情况下就复发了 其真正复发的人数可能与未服用的人相差无几。溃疡严重程度用在两组差异更适当)(如果这段建立在攻击study不合理 那么两组差异应该也考虑在内 而非单独成段 因此 此处的攻击点设置过大 会令文章分布失衡 不妨此段攻击how the study was conducted)



Secondly, no evidence was showed to prove that Z is the reason that makes those patients doesn’t developed new ulcers any more. There may be some alternative explanations were ignored by the author. It may due to the doctor's treatment. It is possible that those patients have got other medicine to cure the ulcer. What's more, maybe some kinds of ulcer are just healed naturally, and by the protection method which taken by the patients, the ulcer have got no chance to come again. So he just fail to establish a casual relationship between taking Z and no new ulcers were developed again.(他因 如其他用药导致复发率低)


Last but not the least, there may be some differences other than taking Z between the patients who took the pills and the ones did not were ignored by author. From the argument we know the patients who got Z because of doctor’s directions. And maybe the doctor’s description included some medicine and the function of preventing ulcer was made by the mixture of several kinds of medicine. In addition, the people who did get the ulcer again may result from some other reason, like eat some other medicine, or have a inappropriate life style, or live in an environment which was more likely to make people get ulcers. So just conclude the situation by the unreliable study was invalid.(两组差异)


In sum, this argument is unpersuasive, to strengthen it, the author should check more information and analyze the whole situation carefully, then make the final summarization.(尾端太过万能句式 模板痕迹太重 没有实质内容.)

首段很干净 还是不错的。

但文章里有一处严重错误遗漏:即攻击最后一句------preventing recurrence differs from preventing first-time 即使Z对预防复发有效 也不可推断 可以预防first-time ulcer。


加油!

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
202
注册时间
2010-7-7
精华
0
帖子
3
板凳
发表于 2010-7-23 21:07:34 |只看该作者
2# heartleading
谢谢建议~!!:loveliness:

使用道具 举报

RE: argument 57----欢迎拍文 [修改]

问答
Offer
投票
面经
转发
转发该帖子
argument 57----欢迎拍文
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1126881-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
回顶部