I50+A17【六人行7.26】by Eileen

Eileen312UID: 2648750

I50【六人行7.26】
I50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

【字数】471
【时间】2h
【正文】
Of all the opinions on how to stimulate the improvement of higher education, I object the most to simply drive all teachers out of the academia and force them to work in fields related to the courses they are teaching, as is claimed by the speaker. From my point of view, the faculty’s outside work could possibly, but not necessarily, enhance the educational quality in practical courses, and bring adverse effects to some other pure theoretical courses.

To start with, the faculty’s taking professions outside the academic sphere could benefit the educational instruction to some extent, especially when their causes are connected practical operation. First, abstract concepts in the textbook in combination with the teacher’s vivid experience outside the campus could effectively motivate the students’ interest. For instance, when it comes to a new terminology in the law class, the students are more apt to follow the lecturer if he cites the related cases that he is dealing with in a law firm. Second, teachers frequently connected with the enterprises or organizations beyond the academic field could not only collect considerable amount of first hand career information for students, but also directly introduce them workplace attachment opportunities. One related case here is my senior who successfully started her career in the Citibank NA with the help of our instructor. At last, the faculty’s observation in practice could also help students who are interested in academic study choose proper research topics.

However, the measure of requiring faculty to get occupations outside campus cannot guarantee better educational quantity, even if in the causes mentioned above. The most obvious reason is that there are always some teachers who are born miserable speakers; thus whether work outside or not makes their boring lectures no different. Further more, overdone is worse than undone. That is to say some teachers may probably get so addicted to the exciting and well-paid professions outside campus that they compress the time which should be used to prepare for classes and instruct students. Additionally, on-the-spot teaching, which means students attend the operation of corporations or factories with the instruction of their teachers, could contribute more to the colleges’ or universities’ education than asking faculty work outside.

What is more, it is unnecessary and unreasonable to compel teachers involved in pure theoretical instruction into social related work. The original purpose of the working outside measure is to introduce practical knowledge into class, which makes no sense for causes like mathematics, philosophy and literature because deep thought and light heart are more significant here. The enforcement could undoubtedly make the professors or instructors exhausted and distracted, consequently, the students neglected and disappointed, which is absolutely contrary to the object of improving educational quality.

In conclusion, I disagree with the speaker’s assertion that is too absolute, divorces from reality, and fails in all-round consideration.


A17
【字数】388
【时间】40min
【正文】
In this letter, the author advises the Walnut Grove’s town to continue the contract with EZ Disposal, but rather turn to ABC Waste. In order to support his recommendation, his firstly points out that although EZ claims 500$ more than ABC each month, it collects one more time than ABC. Then he mentions EZ is going to add more trucks. Also, the author cites a survey as evidence, which illustrates that 80 percent of the respondents are satisfied with EZ. As far as I am concerned, the author’s suggestion is unwarranted.

First, the author fails in informing us whether the citizens care more about the collect times or the monthly fee. If the latter is of more importance than the former for the citizens, the 500$ charge added gives one reason for the tow to stop the cooperation with EZ. What is more, without demonstrating whether one collect each week is enough to clear the trash, the author can not take it for granted that twice is better than once.

Second, the EZ’s additional trucks could not be used here to support for EZ, because it is quite possible that the added trucks are not going to be used for trash collecting. Even if all the trucks are for trash collecting, without the information of whether ABC have also ordered more trucks, the quantity of trucks is invalid evidence here.

Finally, the survey introduced in the letter is also questionable. A single percentage here is uninformative, without guarantee us that the respondents are sufficient and could representative of the whole Walnut Grove’s town. Moreover, simply saying that 80 percent of the objectives are satisfied with EZ’s service is not persuasive in judge people’s attitude toward EZ, as a result of we do not know how the questionnaire is designed. Probably, the so called satisfaction is limited to one factor of less importance, such as whether collect the trash on time. If the same question of ABC is asked, the percentage could possibly 100 percent.

In conclusion, the advice in the letter is problematic and unsound. In order to perfect it, the author should offer more information about the critical factors that the citizens care about when choosing a trash dealing company, the distribution of the trucks of both EZ and ABC, and the detailed information of the survey.

crazyjooUID: 2805124

I50【六人行7.26】
I50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

【字数】471
【时间】2h
【正文】
Of all the opinions on how to stimulate the improvement of higher education, I object the most to simply drive all teachers out of the academia and force them to work in fields related to the courses they are teaching, as is claimed by the speaker(as the speake claimed). From my point of view, the faculty’s outside work could possibly, but not necessarily, enhance the educational quality in practical courses, and bring adverse effects to some other pure theoretical courses.

To start with, the faculty’s taking professions outside the academic sphere could benefit the educational instruction to some extent, especially when their causes are connected practical operation. First, abstract concepts in the textbook in combination with (用的好) the teacher’s vivid experience outside the campus could effectively motivate the students’ interest. For instance, when it comes to a new terminology in the law class, the students are more apt to follow the lecturer if he (指代不明，用teacher)cites the related cases that he is dealing with in a law firm. Second, teachers frequently connected with the enterprises or organizations beyond the academic field could not only collect considerable amount of first hand career information for students, but also directly introduce them workplace attachment opportunities.（好例子） One related case here is my senior who successfully started her career in the Citibank NA with the help of our instructor. At last, the faculty’s observation in practice could also help students who are interested in academic study choose proper research topics.

However, the measure of requiring faculty to get occupations outside campus cannot guarantee better educational quantity, even if in the causes mentioned above.(even if这句貌似不完整，或许想要表达...cannot guarantee better educational quantity in despite of the benefits brought by such measure  mentioned above么） The most obvious reason is that there are always some teachers who are born miserable speakers; thus whether work outside or not makes their boring lectures no different. （感觉不大恰当,或许可以这样表达：To work outside is not different from to make..)Further more, overdone is worse than undone. That is to say some teachers may probably get so addicted to the exciting and well-paid professions outside campus that they compress the time which should be used to prepare for classes and instruct students. Additionally, on-the-spot teaching, which means students attend the operation of corporations or factories with the instruction of their teachers, could contribute more to the colleges’ or universities’ education than asking faculty work outside. (感觉这个例子不好，怎么说呢，毕竟这样的老师是miniority,这种以偏概全的方法不大好；当看到some teachers who are born miserable speakers。。我觉得ets老师要生气了。。呵呵。而我在那个socialization的issue里头用的中国奥赛功利老师虽然也是黑化老师。。但是这是中国普遍存在的。有一个特定范围，人家ets能接受。而你这个就有点扩大化了。个人意见哈）

What is more, it is unnecessary and unreasonable to compel teachers involved in pure theoretical instruction into social related work. The original purpose of the working outside measure is to introduce practical knowledge into class, which makes no sense for causes like mathematics, philosophy and literature because deep thought and light heart are more significant here. The enforcement could undoubtedly make the professors or instructors exhausted and distracted,（为什么会exhausted呢？有点主观臆断哦。不如说The enforcement could undoubtedly deprive the professors valuable leisure time and make them exhausted...） consequently, the students neglected(？什么意思？） and disappointed, which is absolutely contrary to the object of improving educational quality.

In conclusion, I disagree with the speaker’s assertion that is too absolute, divorces from reality, and fails in all-round consideration.  (结尾草率得有点过分。结尾的作用是统领全文，而不是仅仅一句回帖 “鉴定完毕” ）


A17
【字数】388
【时间】40min
【正文】
In this letter, the author advises the Walnut Grove’s town to continue the contract with EZ Disposal, but rather turn to ABC Waste. In order to support his recommendation, his firstly points out that although EZ claims 500$ more than ABC each month, it collects one more time than ABC. Then he mentions EZ is going to add more trucks. Also, the author cites a survey as evidence, which illustrates that 80 percent of the respondents are satisfied with EZ. As far as I am concerned, the author’s suggestion is unwarranted.

First（ly), the author fails in informing us whether the citizens care more about the collect times or(than) the monthly fee. If the latter is of more importance than the former for the citizens, the 500$ charge added gives one reason for the tow to stop the cooperation with EZ. What is more, without demonstrating whether one collect each week is enough to clear the trash, the author can not take it for granted that twice is better than once.

Second（ly), the EZ’s additional trucks could (probably,之类的词汇，不然太绝对了）not be used here to support for EZ, because it is quite possible that the added trucks are not going to be used for trash collecting. Even if all the trucks are for trash collecting, without the information of whether ABC have also ordered more trucks, the quantity of trucks is invalid evidence here.

Finally, the survey introduced in the letter is also questionable. A single percentage here is uninformative, without guarantee us that the respondents are sufficient and could representative of the whole Walnut Grove’s town. Moreover, simply saying that 80 percent of the objectives are satisfied with EZ’s service is not persuasive in judge（judging) people’s attitude toward EZ, as a result of (the fact that we..)we do not know how the questionnaire is designed. Probably, the so called satisfaction is limited to one factor of less importance, such as whether collect the trash on time. If the same question of ABC is asked, the percentage could possibly 100 percent.

In conclusion, the advice in the letter is problematic and unsound. In order to perfect it, the author should offer more information about the critical factors that the citizens care about when choosing a trash dealing company, the distribution of the trucks of both EZ and ABC, and the detailed information of the survey.

文章条理很清晰，个别表达比较chinglish。而我语法很差。。也不会修改。。请多注意用英文思考，而不是中文到英文的映射。这样not only提高写作速度，还能避免不地道的表达

共同进步加油加油！！

Eileen312UID: 2648750

However, the measure of requiring faculty to get occupations outside campus cannot guarantee better educational quantity, even if in the causes mentioned above.
是想表达：the measure…can not guarantee better educational quantity, even if in the causes mentioned above(即便是对于上段提到过的实践性课程).

thus whether work outside or not makes their boring lectures no different.
改为：thus whether work outside or not makes no difference to their boring lectures.

The enforcement could undoubtedly make the professors or instructors exhausted and distracted, consequently, the students neglected(？什么意思？）
and disappointed,
省略句：make…exhausted and distracted, consequently, (MAKE) the students neglected
and disappointed,

其他意见提的很有道理，我稍后改一下，谢谢啦O(∩_∩)O~