issue 38 求改，我也回改

aoweiUID: 2848764

提纲：
观点：阅读仍然重要。
1、电视能给我们带来许多学习上的帮助
2、电视学习的不足、书本知识的优点
3、书本和电视以不同的方式和内容帮助我们的学习
4、重申观点

our education styles are changed within this electronic era, and everyday, we will find the differences. television, which has already be a necessarity in every family, bring us exuberant and abundant information. we learn a lot such as cooking, shopping, and other living knowledge from it. but we can not think that television can replace the books, which has being a major style in our education system for thousands of years. meanwhile, great notice should be placed on the difference between the contents of televison programs and books. no matter what conditions will be, I pesonally think reading is as much importance as usual.

first, the merits of television are obvious. the colorful and broad programs, such as cartoons for children, cooking for housewife, cars for adults, and landscapes for tourists and lots of channels cater all public needs. besides, when absent from our busy working, it is rejoiceful to share our recreation with our family by watching tv: teach our children to recognize some animals they never see in current lives, and accompany our lovers with sharing a touching telepaly. moreover, too much useful  informations are presented in front of us in a short moment which saving us much time. even the introduction of them are superficial and condense because of every programs have its regulated time, television programs may just serves as an leader who teach us more than the knowledge itself: the feasible ways about which we never think for our studying and living.

but most importantly, we need more self-thinking to digest what we obtain from televisions. since television may tell us some history or natural sciences with vivid images and magnective voice of preety host, we are more willing to spend our precise time in front of TV instead of boring white books. but the interval time left for our thinking is too little to just tidy those harsh informations breaking into our minds. it is our thoughts make us progress. without thoroughly and effective thinking, what we saw and heared may vanish in seconds.

compare to the instantaneous character of knowledge in the televison programs, books may satisfy us much to investigate questions more deeply and help us to get personal opinions. reading is interactive process through which we can sliently ponder our question more deliberately, while tv is monodirectional communication impelling us to be receivers. it is hard for us to rashly determine which is more useful for our learning between tv and books: they tell us different things in different ways. meanwhile, as the popularity of computers, internet has also becomes a resource of increasing importance. so many approachs for the knowledge are provided, the only factor that may hinder our learning lies in ourselves. we should concede that our ability to process huge volumes of information is naturally limited and we may be lost and hesitate among varities of news and research achievements. for everyone of us, a balance between taking or leaving must be called for and a clearly schedual for study need be set down to prevent us from distracted by irrelevant things. only rational choices are made can we utilize them at best.

as a whole, what we care is knowledge but not the studying means. now that none could definitely assert they can obtain lively information and classic theory within the help of tv or books alone, what we should do is just arrange our time properly to use them more effectively.

一木菩提UID: 2390164

issue 38 求改，我也回改
本帖最后由 aowei 于 2010-8-8 13:33 编辑
in the age of television, reading books is not as important as it ones was. people can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.

提纲：
观点：阅读仍然重要。
1、电视能给我们带来许多学习上的帮助
2、电视学习的不足、书本知识的优点
3、书本和电视以不同的方式和内容帮助我们的学习
4、重申观点

our education styles are changed within this electronic era, and everyday, we will find the differences. television, which has already be a necessarity in every family, bring us exuberant and abundant information. we learn a lot such as cooking, shopping, and other living knowledge from it. but we can not think that television can replace the books, which has being a major style in our education system for thousands of years. meanwhile, great notice should be placed on the difference between the contents of televison programs and books. no matter what conditions will be, I pesonally think reading is as much importance as usual.这个开头不错，背景介绍挺好，引入主题也自然，最后也亮明了自己的观点。

first建议你再找找表第一第二第三的词，换几个花样丰富的效果更好，恩。, the merits of television are obvious我相信你这一段的主题不是说明电视的好处很明显，而是具体电视有什么好处。故而我建议你使用it is obvious that television给我们带来了什么什么好处.另外建议以后对待Top sentence的时候也更为细致些。the colorful and broad programs, such as cartoons for children, cooking for housewife, cars for adults, and landscapes for tourists and lots of channels cater all public needs. besides, when absent from our busy working, it is rejoiceful to share our recreation with our family by watching tv:（冒号前的这句话使得例证的导向偏了，再看看issue题目的要求，是谈论电视对学习的作用；尽管你冒号下的例子有关于teach children的，但是你这个recreation, rejoiceful的应用就是得例证偏题了。你可以说，电视可以寓教于乐，让人们放松愉快地学习知识。但不要单纯谈电视recreation方面的作用） teach our children to recognize some animals they never see in current lives, and accompany our lovers with sharing a touching teleplay (这个accompany lovers并不能算作是电视帮助学习的例子，所以有点偏了). moreover, too much useful  informations are presented in front of us in a short moment which saving us much time. even the introduction of them are superficial and condense because of every programs have its regulated time, television programs may just serves as an leader who teach us more than the knowledge itself: the feasible ways about which we never think for our studying and living.

but most importantly, we need more self-thinking to digest what we obtain from televisions. since television may tell us some history or natural sciences with vivid images and magnective voice of preety host, we are more willing to spend our precise time in front of TV instead of boring white books. but the interval time left for our thinking is too little to just tidy those harsh informations breaking into our minds. it is our thoughts make us progress. without thoroughly and effective thinking, what we saw and heared may vanish in seconds.这一段我很喜欢，如果说之前的一段谈论电视的好处，那么这一段紧接着进一步分析了电视的不足；同时引出了下面讨论书本重要性的部分。

compare to the instantaneous character of knowledge in the televison programs, books may satisfy us much to investigate questions more deeply and help us to get personal opinions. reading is interactive process through which we can sliently ponder our question more deliberately, while tv is monodirectional communication impelling us to be receivers. it is hard for us to rashly determine which is more useful for our learning between tv and books: they tell us different things in different ways. meanwhile,meanwhile这段看得我有点突兀。为什么要突然谈论到网络呢？第一段讲电视对学习的益处，第二段分析了电视的一定缺陷，我以为你第三段会跟进第二段地分析，突出书本能够弥补电视不足的地方。然而有点遗憾的是这里你并没有用足够的笔墨分析书本的益处。而花了大段时间引入了一个新的比较对象--网络。 其实从题目看，我觉得仅仅只比较电视和书本在学习方面的作用比较切合题目。但是呢，如果你从促进学习这个立意出发，确实书本，电视，网络--任何means of learning都可以被引入的。但是我的建议是，如果你引入了新的means of learnin，如这里的Internet；最好是1.在body最后一段 “in addition，balabalabla”这样作为补充，2字数不要太多，提出这个仅仅是用来表明你思维严密性的，着得笔墨多了一则浪费二则喧宾夺主三则你没那么多时间的， as the popularity of computers, internet has also becomes a resource of increasing importance. so many approachs for the knowledge are provided, the only factor that may hinder our learning lies in ourselves. we should concede that our ability to process huge volumes of information is naturally limited and we may be lost and hesitate among varities of news and research achievements. for everyone of us, a balance between taking or leaving must be called for and a clearly schedual for study need be set down to prevent us from distracted by irrelevant things. only rational choices are made can we utilize them at best.

as a whole, what we care is knowledge but not the studying means. now that none could definitely assert they can obtain lively information and classic theory within the help of tv or books alone, what we should do is just arrange our time properly to use them more effectively.

总体来看还好。主要是段内的一些小问题。加油，加油。

aoweiUID: 2848764

多谢多谢
有时候自己写着写着就蒙了，还半天回不过神来
确实，我也感觉到主题句的声明以及围绕分论点的展开很重要
没几天了， 我也加紧练练
主要是打字跟不上啊，痛苦

2# 一木菩提