petercsm的独立作文贴

petercsmUID: 2437300

8月7日 09.06.12NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

Generally speaking, students who choose to enter universities for study should mainly concentrate on the work of learning rather than the off-class job. However, I believe it will not be harmful for students to take part in some part-time jobs if they have time and opportunity. The following points provide the reasons that I disagree with the statement.

First of all, maybe some students cannot afford the whole cost of the university at a time, including tuitions and fees. As reported, the family in China which is not so rich always hopes that there will be at least one member who can have a chance to enter a university in order to improve the living status of the whole family. In my country, every year before they go to universities, many students need economic supports from others such as a loan from banks or its extended families. After entering colleges, besides studying in class they have to participate in some part-time jobs to be sure they can stay there for the period of four years. I believe it is unfair for these students to eliminate this part-time opportunity in universities.

Moreover, part-time jobs provide students with good opportunities to touch more resources including companies and social organizations outside the college. The combination between practices and theories is significant during the stage of advanced study. Especially for students who major in engineering and production, the practical experiences off campus offer them a wonderful complement to the study in class. For example, during the part-time job, students are very likely to get to know how a company makes a product and what a production pipeline really consists of, which will be helpful to their future careers.

Finally, off-campus jobs can help students accumulate social experience and interpersonal relations. For example, a student who is employed as an intern by a multi-national company will be more likely to continue to stay there than those who don't try to do any job while studying in the university. As for those who study the science of management or society, especially, there is no doubt that how to use what they learn in class into the practical operation in the future is more important.

Above all, I basically deny the statement above, because whether student should take part-time jobs during the study in colleges depends on the conditions of themselves and their family, as well as what they major and what they want to do after graduation.

不好意思，貌似不能上传附件

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本帖最后由 petercsm 于 2010-8-8 09:18 编辑 * b/ c9 H, d1 c$ N) L# S
' I3 m8 t  n/ o
8月7日 09.06.12NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.


Generally speaking, students who choose to enter universities for study should mainly concentrate on the work of learning rather than the off-class job. However, I believe it will not be harmful for--->to students to take part in some part-time jobs if they have time and opportunity. 这个句子不太好。后面拖的太长了。The following points provide the reasons that I disagree with the statement.- G% l4 C. j9 S; z

First of all, maybe some students cannot afford the whole cost of the university at a time个人觉得这个放这里挺多余, including tuitions and fees.这一句话本应是中心句，但是你却没有呼应你的观点，要接着写。这个只是一个原因，导出来的结果是因此做part-time job很有必要。As reported, the family in China which is not so rich always hopes that there will be删 at least one member a who can have--can get the chance to enter a university in order to improve the living status of the whole family.前面这一句话很长。其实也没有什么太高的语法技巧，但是却写的很长，有些啰嗦。建议精简一下，斟酌一下你到底想说啥，然后核心的说出来。再其实，你这句话跟你的这一段的核心观点联系不大，你主要想说缺钱然后需要打工呗，其实说家里望子成龙改善生活没啥太大意义。In my country, every year before they go to universities, many students need economic supports from others such as a loan from banks or its extended families. After entering colleges, besides studying in class they have to participate in some part-time jobs to be sure they can stay there for the period of four years. I believe it is unfair for these students to eliminate this part-time opportunity in universities.后面这两句才是正儿八经地在论证，但是ets需要details或examples，你只是自己在自说自话，说借了钱，需要钱，所以需要打工。不够有说服力。其实你可以尝试换一个方式。先把你本段第一句继续写完，点题到打工。然后第二句那句废话删掉。in my country那句留着，后面那个说他们在学校里需要打工挣钱，用一个实例来说明。这样更有说服力。最后再总结一下。p.s例如after entering colleges这种状语实在让人看着很尴尬，也没啥错，但是觉得挺扎眼的。

Moreover, part-time jobs provide students with good opportunities to touch more resources这个中文直译的吧，太诡异了。 including companies and social organizations outside the college.这句中心句后面搭配太诡异了，像你这么写还不如就写最俗气的那几个短语，啥broaden their horizons and widen the scope of knowledge....类似的。 The combination between practices and theories is significant during the stage of advanced study. Especially for students who major in engineering and production, the practical experiences off campus offer them a wonderful complement to the study in class. For example, during the part-time job, students are very likely to get to know how a company makes a product and what a production pipeline really consists of, which will be helpful to their future careers.这个例子不错。但是这一段的语言，总感觉很怪啊，似乎很少见美国人这么说话。

Finally, off-campus jobs can help students accumulate social experience and interpersonal relations. For example, a student who is employed as an intern by a multi-national company will be more likely to continue to stay there than those who don't try to do any job while studying in the university. As for those who study the science of management or society, especially, there is no doubt that how to use what they learn in class into the practical operation in the future is more important.其实这一段和上一段意思差不多，考虑合在一起，再斟酌下语言的组织。

Above all, I basically deny the statement above, because whether student should take part-time jobs during the study in colleges depends on the conditions of themselves and their family, as well as what they major and what they want to do after graduation.结尾可以再充实一下。、建议开头可以稍微再让个步。

整体来说，语言需要丰富一下，论证方式后面两段都其实还好。
加油~

petercsmUID: 2437300

8.14作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.


Many parents nowadays, help make decisions for their children and even determine children's future for them. Because of their more experience on things that children have not been involved in, they believe they must provide their children with a splendid future. Others, however, still allow their children to make their own choices on many things of the future. I suggest that parents let children make some significant decisions on their own instead of determine everything for them.

First, children, generally after 18, usually have reached puberty and became mature enough both physically and mentally to make their own choices. In my country, for example, 18-year-old children have graduated from high school and start to decide whether to enter university for further study or to find a job for their independent living. Because the twelve years of junior education are enough for them to find things they are interested in and teach them how to choose a career, they have thought of things independently and been qualified to make a decision for their future.

Secondly, it is not possible for parents to decide all things for their children's future. Children from fifteen to eighteen years old like to have some privacy in their lives and to live in the way and style that they like. Since that time, children start to realize that eventually they must leave their parents for living without parents' help. They need to think about where they live, who to be their friends and even what to do for living. In recent years of my country, for instance, more parents have come to realize the importance of children's ability to live independently in the future.

Last but not least, children are facing a rapidly changing world that differ s greatly from their parents' environment. So, parents and even their children do not know what they should prepare for facing the world when they are adult. For example, I wanted to choose computer engineering as my major after my graduation from high school because I am very interested in this area and eager for being an engineer. But, the computer had not been popular in China when my parents were young and they even had not seen it before. Thus, they have to allow me make my own decision out of my interest.

Above all, in some way children must place their future on their own hands rather than those of their parents for many factors such as children's mature and changing environment for the living. Children should convince their parents they can make good choices on their own and fulfill themselves at last.

还不能发附件，不好意思了！

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