9月2日交 vera~~~

ttttz1UID: 2889937

9月2日交   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.



Following this society more competitive and more hard survive. People get job so hard when they are gratuated.
People begin take part-time jobs since they are still studying in universities.
The part-time jobs have many benefits to those students in universities.
So, there are many more people perfer to give up rest time but take these jobs.
Earning money, having experiences and learning teamwork are important reasons to take it.
In my opinion, take part-time jobs will make poeple suit and step in early society.

Firstly, nowadays, it is difficulty to find jobs that companies interview people only few one achieved. These companies focus on those gratuated people whether they have more experiences or not. People who have jobs experiences that companies will consider he/she can go thorough tough enviroment to suit. As a result, there are more people take part-time jobs when they are still in collegues.
I have saw a piece of newpaper, reported un-graduated students in many countries like United Stated, Japan and SouthKorea are going to take part-time jobs. Because they can get a lot of experiences which is good for having a job. “It is easy to get more chance than others”. One said.
They do not care how hard the part-time job is, they only concern about whether can find a good job in furture.
      
Equally important is, take part-time jobs can teach how to get along with others in teamwork.
Teamwork is important thing and never appear in textbooks.
It's all accumulated by daily work.
And promote developing of sociability.
A celebrity's achievement came from practice of teamwork. He began sell shoes, so talktive and friendly with colleagues. Then had a good public praise and colleague trusted him. He have seted up own shoes's factory and a half of excellent colleagues be with him in that factories. That is the reason why he so rich now.

Secondly, students always feel tension in universities. The stress influence efficiency.
The way to take part-time jobs not only rilief stress, but also aquire anothers achievements.
My father is a typical example.
He was young and take part-time job in a hospital, the purpose is just for nothing.
Someday, one was illed but doctor was not in there.
He felt depressed and just leaved.
My father asked what is worong then check his condition, and told him what medicine needs. Few days later, the people acclaimed and my dad and
be recommend by a director to a famous hostipal.
It is so gorgeous.
      
Although there are still some people not interesting in part-time jobs, they felt bored and gained nothing.
But, I think the gained that depend on long-term period not short- time period.
Taking art-time job is giving a different way to live, to understand how hard working parents used to be.
To be successd, then need more experiences for working and gratitude.

llljjjlllUID: 2745282

Following this society more competitive and more hard survive.第一句语法和表达有问题  People get job so hard people can hardly get job应该顺点吧when they are gratuated people ^3 w. b, u" s0 V
People begin take？应该是taking part-time jobs since they are still studying in universities.- m- X- `$ Y6 O" C( p, w3 g
The taking？part-time jobs have many benefits to those students in universities.& ~/ z. j% I% g7 B
So, there are 拿掉 不然有语病的many more people perfer to give up rest time but take these jobs.( v4 H( z! z2 V" t' S& ]
Earning money, having experiences and learning teamwork are important reasons to take it. 这句可以短点清楚点比如And earning money, experience and cultivating team spirit is the reason
In my opinion, take part-time jobs will make poeple suit and step in early society.
  f' p0 D2 p6 N. f# F
Firstly, nowadays, it is difficulty difficult 吧to find jobs that companies interview people only few one achieved. These companies focus on those gratuated people whether they have more experiences or not. People who have jobs experiences that companies will consider he/she can go thorough tough enviroment to suit.这句语法有问题 哪个是主语？As a result, there are more people take taking part-time jobs when they are still in collegues.
I have saw read a piece of newpaper,加个which reported un-graduated students in many countries like United Stated, Japan and SouthKorea are going to take part-time jobs. Because they can get a lot of experiences which is good for having a job. “It is easy to get more chance复数 than others”. One said.
They do not care how hard difficult the part-time job is, they only concern about whether can find a good job in furture. ) e, _5 J5 r# b) ]       9 h% {, c: t/ m  `0 H
Equally important is, take part-time jobs can teach how to get along with others in teamwork.
Teamwork is important thing and never appear appears in textbooks.
It's all accumulated by daily work.- d- j# N7 x) _  V, x8 l- V0 m
And promote developing of sociability.
A celebrity's achievement came from practice of teamwork. He began sell shoes, so talktive and friendly with colleagues. Then had a good public praise and colleague trusted him. He have seted up own shoes's factory and a half of excellent colleagues be with him in that factories. That is the reason why he so rich now.
) l+ b: W1 [2 O+ X. i, l7 m
Secondly, students always feel tension in universities. The stress influence efficiency.; P1 e0 q; w. f& n$ O7 L
The way to take part-time jobs not only rilief stress, but also aquire anothers achievements.
My father is a typical example.
He was young and take part-time job in a hospital, the purpose is just for nothing.
Someday, one was illed but doctor was not in there.( }& R: ?0 C4 m
He felt depressed and just leaved.5 E% L0 f4 M5 M+ p( _% @  j/ L1 ?
My father asked what is worong then check his condition, and told him what medicine needs. Few days later, the people acclaimed and my dad and
be recommend by a director to a famous hostipal.
It is so gorgeous.
      
Although there are still some people not interesting in part-time jobs, they felt bored and gained nothing.' ]" s4 u5 b( r% j' N
But, I think the gained that depend on long-term period not short- time period.
Taking art-time job is giving a different way to live, to understand how hard working parents used to be.
To be successd, then need more experiences for working and gratitude.


总体思路清楚 但基本的语法问题比较多 这个一定要注意
没有改完  
因为个人建议LZ能自己先改一遍 这样进步是最快的
加了个油！