lingmin66的作文贴，共勉！！

lingmin66UID: 2404789

9月14日交
2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.


Some people think that money is important, so they tend to have a job with high salary but being easy to lost, but others prefer living a leisure life so they would love to have a job with low paying salary and being high secure. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the last point since I don't want to get nervous that my job is easy to lost.

To begin with, working is not all about the salary, it is away that we enjoy our life. In such explanation, with low paying salary job but being high secure is appealing to me because I can live on less pressure and enjoy my life. Since the job is secure, I can have more time to do things that I like. For example, I can spend more time to attend my family activities, play sports with my friends, travel around the world, learn things that I am really interested in, and more importantly, work on things that I am really good at other than the job. As by saying that, take my friend as example, he is a math teacher which is less pay but secure job for him, he like this job because he can have extra energy to play basketball that he is fascinated at. Then after two years playing absketball, he got into a national basketball team that he had dreamed it for years. I consider this as the valuable life that he enjoyed.

Secondly, People can get very nervous when they do not feel secure about their jobs. On the other hand, People tend to be more productive when they have less stress with secure jobs. Only when you feel comfortable with your job, you work more effectively and productively. For example, when I was a sales representative, my boss paid me with low salary but no missions on me, so every time I talked to clients, I felt very comfortable and easy to catch the clients' attention. But one of my colleagues, he had a lot of missions with high salary, and our boss said if he could not achieve the missions, he might lose his job. And the result is, I saled much more products than he did. And this is most likely because I performed well with less pressure.

To conclude, money is just an addition to our life, it's the tool to be living, but not the tool to live on a quality life. We should manage to have less stress and work more effectively. Thus, based on foregoing reasons, I believe that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

第一次交作业是吧？不错！

9月16日交4 I5 p9 c; b+ C+ t0 p
2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.


Some people think that money is important, so they tend to have a job with high salary but being easy to lost, but others prefer living a leisure life so they would love (like) to have a job with low paying salary (payment) and being highly secured. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the last point (latter) since I don't want to get nervous that my job is easy to lost (lose).

To begin with, working is not all about the salary,(not at all 完全否定，有点绝对了，我觉得改成not all about money比较好，而且全文salary这次反复出现，建议做一定的同义词替换) it is also a way that we enjoy our life. In such explanation, with low paying salary job but being highly secured is appealing to me because I can live on less pressure and enjoy my life. Since the job is secure(同义替换), I can have more time to do things that I like. For example, I can spend more time to attend my family activities, play （do） sports with my friends, travel around the world, learn things that I am really interested in, and more importantly, work on things that I am really good at other than the job. As by saying that, take my friend as example, he is a math teacher which is less pay (paid) but secure job for him, he like this (the) job because he can have (spare) extra energy (time) to play basketball that he is fascinated at (in). Then after two years playing basketball (basketball), he got into a national basketball team that he had dreamed it (of)
for years. I consider this as the valuable life that he enjoyed.（这句话有点Chinenglish）

Secondly (Besides 更好), People can (may) get very nervous when they do not feel secure about their jobs. On the other hand, People tend to be more productive when they have less stress with secure jobs. (这个观点有点缺少铺垫有点牵强，不知老外会不会这么仔细考究论点的内容，建议做个解释比较好) Only when you (注意前后叙述人称的一致性)feel comfortable with your job, you work more effectively and productively. For example, when I was a sales representative, my boss paid me with(删除) low salary but (gave me) no missions on me(删除), so every time I talked to clients, I felt very comfortable and easy to catch the clients' attention（这句话建议单独拿出来）. But(建议不用but,转折语气太强烈了，这前后没有那么大的转折关系，建议改成while) one of my colleagues, he had a lot of missions with high salary, and our boss said if he could not achieve the missions, he might lose his job. And the result is, I saled（sold） much more products than he did. And this is most likely because I performed well with less pressure. （例子不错，很生动，但这段的论证，内部不是很连贯，可能跟你的连接词选用不够准确有关系，要是我写，可能会这样:Besides, people may get nervous when they do not feel secured about their jobs. People might tend to less productive when they are in great pressure. Take my own experience for example, when I was a sales representative, my boss gave me rarely missions with scarce payment while attributed plenty of missions to my another college with sufficient salary. However, according to the rules of our company, anyone who failed the mission may lose their jobs. To everyone’s surprise, I sold far more products than my college.
I guess the secret lies in that without the worry about losing my jobs, I felt quite relaxed and nature to communicate with my clients, which made my clients comfortable and made me more reliable as well.）

To conclude, money is just an addition (appendage) to our life, it's the tool to be living, but not the tool to live on a quality life. (建议改，表达不清) We should manage to have less stress and work more effectively. Thus, based on foregoing reasons, I believe that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

文章结构，论证都不错。建议在句型和转折词及论证逻辑上再下一点工夫，文章就更好了。一起努力，说得不对的地方请多谅解。
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langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

呵呵，记得改我的哦

teresaliqUID: 2371296

修改贴Some people think that money is important, so they tend to have a job with high salary but being easy to lost, but others prefer living a leisure life so they would love to have a job with low paying salary and being high secure. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the last point(改为latter point) since I don't want to get nervous that my job is easy to lost.(没见过get nervous 后面用从句，这句改为I don't want to worry that my job is easy to lost.)句 e0 K! W1 W+ [+ y0 l- n& g
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To begin with, working is not all about the salary, it is away that we enjoy our life. In such explanation, with low paying salary job but being high secure is appealing to me because I can（用would like 表达更好吧） live on less pressure and enjoy my life. Since the job is secure, I can have more time to do things that I like. For example, I can spend more time to attend my family activities, play sports with my friends, travel around the world, learn things that I am really interested in, and more importantly, work on things that I am really good at other than the job.（这句到底要表达什么意思呢？） As by saying that, take my friend as example, he is a math teacher which is less pay but secure job for him, he like（likes） this job because he can have extra energy to play basketball that he is fascinated at(fascinate后面不加介词). Then after two years playing absketball, he got into a national basketball team that he had dreamed it for years. I consider this as（is） the valuable life that he enjoyed.
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Secondly, People can get very nervous when they do not feel secure about their jobs. On the other hand,（on one hand在哪呢？） People tend to be more productive when they have less stress with secure jobs. Only when you feel comfortable with your job, you work more effectively and productively. For example, when I was a sales representative, my boss paid me with low salary but no missions on me, so every time I talked to clients, I felt very comfortable and easy to catch the clients' attention. But one of my colleagues, he had a lot of missions with high salary, and our boss said if he could not achieve the missions, he might lose his job. And the result is, I saled much more products than he did. And this is most likely because I performed well with less pressure. 3 s1 H2 T! Q! ~& o4 n, u  p

To conclude, money is just an addition to our life, it's the tool to be living, but not the tool to live on a quality life. We should manage to have less stress and work more effectively. Thus, based on foregoing reasons, I believe that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.




文章结构框架很不错，分析也是有理有据，就是有一些小的语法错误，还有就是开头很模板化


总体来说很不错