Issue6 同主题；昨天写的，今天修改；请抽空帮看，thx^_^

chenda8201UID: 171368

…………题目…………
Issue6
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

…………正文…………
The mainstream of contemporary culture is belonging to the middle-ager and the elderly in our human society. While the trends of youth is just one component of the contemporary culture, an avant-courier of the culture in the future. To understand the contemporary culture should be focus on the adults and the elderly. Therefore, the most effective way to understand contemporary culture is not to analyze the trends of youth but the culture that belongs to the adults and the elderly.

Nowadays, the middle-ager and senior citizen, who are in all kinds of important positions of the human society, control the ideology of our society. The ideas of their culture penetrate every aspects of the society, such as laws, morals. The trends of youth, or the youth culture, just can be stand for the trends of the development of the culture in the future. The relationship of the senior culture and the youth culture is like the father and the son. The father sets rules for the daily life and is the genearch of the family, as the senior-ager makes laws for the public and is in the important position of the society. While the son is the future of the family but now he is a kid who should obey the father’s words in the family, as the trends of youth is the avant-courier of the contemporary culture and mainstream culture belongs to the senior-ager. So, analyzing the trends of youth cannot be an effective way to understand the contemporary culture, as analyzing the kids in a family cannot be an effective way to understand that family.

Moreover, the senior culture is the deposits of the career of life and the development of the society. The evolution of the whole human world can be contained in the contemporary culture because the adults and the elderly put their experiences into the old culture and formed the contemporary culture. At the contrary, the youth culture may be lack of experiences of life and notions of the society. The trends of youth can be call fashion, which may soon disappear for misunderstand this world or may continue to development and popular among the youth. The youth culture which create by the media and youth themselves, may full of creativities that eager to change this world. Yes, history has proved that the evolution of a society always be started from the youth. But before they get the control of the world, they are always the minority and their culture is just a portion of the contemporary culture, and analyzing it should not be considered as an effective way to understand the culture at that time.

However, when analyzing the contemporary culture, the trends of the youth should never be ignored. Admittedly, the youth culture is always a non-mainstream culture in the world. But as the development of our society, the youth culture has been considered more and more important. In the history, most important evolutions are leaded by the youth and then influenced the world and also the culture, such as “5.4 Movement” in China in the early days of last century. The youth made a huge impact on the culture at that time. In addition, the youth is the future of our human society and their trends may become mainstream culture in the future while at that time the youth become old. Therefore, the trends of the youth should be put in a position that cannot be ignored.

In sum, the mainstream of the contemporary culture is not the trends of youth but the adults and the elderly culture, and analyze the youth culture won’t be an effective way for understanding the contemporary culture. However, while studying the contemporary culture also should not ignore the youth culture. (624)



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fircattyUID: 166248

先仔细看看，一会贴修改~~

fircattyUID: 166248

The mainstream of contemporary culture is belonging to the middle-ager and the elderly in our human society. While the trends of youth is just one component of the contemporary culture, an avant-courier of the culture in the future. To understand the contemporary culture should be focus on the adults and the elderly.这句话的语法真的没有问题吗？？？ Therefore, the most effective way to understand contemporary culture is not to analyze the trends of youth but the culture that belongs to the adults and the elderly.

Nowadays, the middle-ager and senior citizen, who are in all kinds of important positions of the human society, control the ideology of our society. The ideas of their culture penetrate every aspects单数 of the society, such as laws, morals. The trends of youth, or the youth culture, just can be stand for the trends of the development of the culture in the future. The relationship of the senior culture and the youth culture is like the father and the son. The father sets rules for the daily life and is the genearch请教，这个词是什么意思？没查到 of the family, as the senior-ager makes laws for the public and is in the important position of the society. While the son is the future of the family but now he is a kid who should obey the father’s words in the family, as the trends of youth is the avant-courier of the contemporary culture and mainstream culture belongs to the senior-ager. So, analyzing the trends of youth cannot be an effective way to understand the contemporary culture, as analyzing the kids in a family cannot be an effective way to understand that family.这个例子好像很牵强，青年文化（如你所说的）也有渗透到当代文化中去，并且得到肯定，影响到中年人的审美等等，比如流行歌曲，染发已经不是青年人的专利了，另外law是国家政府制定的，不一定是the culture that belongs to the adults and the elderly.的反应吧

Moreover, the senior culture is the deposits of the career of life and the development of the society. The evolution of the whole human world can be contained in the contemporary culture because the adults and the elderly put their experiences into the old culture and formed the contemporary culture. AtOn the contrary, the youth culture may be lack of experiences of life and notions of the society. The trends of youth can be call fashion, which may soon disappear for misunderstand this world or may continue to development and popular among the youth. The youth culture which create by the media and youth themselves, may full of creativities that eager to change this world. Yes, history has proved that the evolution of a society always be started from the youth. But before they get the control of the world, they are always the minority and their culture is just a portion of the contemporary culture, and analyzing it should not be considered as an effective way to understand the culture at that time.

However, when analyzing the contemporary culture, the trends of the youth should never be ignored. Admittedly, the youth culture is always a non-mainstream culture in the world. But as the development of our society, the youth culture has been considered more and more important. In the history, most important evolutions are leadedleaded or led？？？ by the youth and then influenced the world and also the culture, such as “5.4 Movement” in China in the early days of last century. The youth made a huge impact on the culture at that time. In addition, the youth is the future of our human society and their trends may become mainstream culture in the future while at that time the youth become old. Therefore, the trends of the youth should be put in a position that cannot be ignored.

In sum, the mainstream of the contemporary culture is not the trends of youth but the adults and the elderly culture, and analyze动名词 the youth culture won’t be an effective way for understanding the contemporary culture. However, whilehowever加while是不是有点重复 studying the contemporary culture also should not ignore the youth culture. (624)
来个总结吧，你的全文精髓是把文化分为the senior culture和the youth culture,关于这一点，我不知道可不可以这样，因为文化是一个整体的体系，就算这样分的话，也会有交融的部分阿，你是怎么区分的呢？贴上一个昨天同主题的词汇解说，我写的时候采用的是第五条解释，你看看如何。
5 a : the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon man's capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations b : the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group c : the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes a company or corporation
另外，倒数第二段是让步，说youth的trends不重要但又不能ignore,感觉很怪。我觉得改成它不是most effective 但仍然effective,这样会不会好一些

fircattyUID: 166248

个人意见哈~~
不对的还请见谅~~~

chenda8201UID: 171368

Originally posted by fircatty at 2005-7-12 16:55
个人意见哈~~
不对的还请见谅~~~

先多谢啊^_^
呵呵～没关系，尽管批；
我批人也狠
之前好像还没看到你贴了issue6这篇，只看到issue121
有issue6的话，我也去看看:handshake
我来自己琢磨你的批改～

fircattyUID: 166248

好啊
在修改中
一会儿贴上来给连接~~
先谢了

chenda8201UID: 171368

Originally posted by fircatty at 2005-7-12 16:47
To understand the contemporary culture should be focus on the adults and the elderly.这句话的语法真的没有问题吗？？？

确实有问题的，我写的时候也想不出放个什么词进去作为focus on的宾语，也想youth前用个trends吗？或者用idea思想，即改成To understand the contemporary culture should be focus on the ideas of the adults and the elderly. 可否？还是值得再推敲吧

The father sets rules for the daily life and is the genearch请教，这个词是什么意思？没查到 of the family, ……

genearch 家长，族长

So, analyzing the trends of youth cannot be an effective way to understand the contemporary culture, as analyzing the kids in a family cannot be an effective way to understand that family.这个例子好像很牵强，青年文化（如你所说的）也有渗透到当代文化中去，并且得到肯定，影响到中年人的审美等等，比如流行歌曲，染发已经不是青年人的专利了，另外law是国家政府制定的，不一定是the culture that belongs to the adults and the elderly.的反应吧

例子只是作为一种类比，不是facts类型的论证咯～
从广义上来考察文化，我本意是想说，laws中渗透有culture的ides之类的吧，而这些ideas不是youth的，而是abluts和elderly的；但是我表达成英语就很有问题，没说清楚
另：贴个我看到的culture的定义：
Paul G. Hiebert, in Anthropological Insights for Missionaries, Baker, 1985, suggests a definition of culture: "Culture is the more or less integrated system of ideas, feelings, and values and their associated patterns of behaviour and products shared by a group of people who organise and regulate what they think, feel and do."

However, while however加while是不是有点重复 studying the contemporary culture also should not ignore the youth culture.

我之前就只是用了While，不过后来是觉得这里while的意思是当...的时候，所以再来个however来转折；当然我也是知道while有“然而”的转折意思；是否多余呢？

来个总结吧，你的全文精髓是把文化分为the senior culture和the youth culture,关于这一点，我不知道可不可以这样，因为文化是一个整体的体系，就算这样分的话，也会有交融的部分阿，你是怎么区分的呢？贴上一个昨天同主题的词汇解说，我写的时候采用的是第五条解释，你看看如何。
5 a : the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon man's capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations b : the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group c : the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes a company or corporation

全文把culture分成youth culture和senior culture——首先，我是看到有youth culture这个定义的——
The Formation of Youth Culture
In terms of the creation of youth culture there are two views: (1) Youth culture is created by the media - youth today are manipulated by an industry that markets music, fashion and images to the. It is these adults who give youth the means to be different. (2) Youth culture is created by young people - youth use the media to create meaning for themselves as they use the symbols offered by the media - ie. hairstyles, clothing or language - to create their own particular style. Both views have a point. While youth are affected by the media as they construct their own style, they are still involved in the decision making process.

然后那个senior culture就是我想当然放进去的，这是否可行，我暂时也没看到资料有提到这种说法的

另外，倒数第二段是让步，说youth的trends不重要但又不能ignore,感觉很怪。我觉得改成它不是most effective 但仍然effective,这样会不会好一些

我文中并没有说the trends of youth is not important，我说的是non-mainstream，即非主流，但是不能ignore，这样没有矛盾啊～

fircattyUID: 166248

帖上来了
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
有空就狠狠的批吧:)

fircattyUID: 166248

不如改成To understand the contemporary culture，we should focus on the ideas of the adults and the elderly.

chenda8201UID: 171368

Originally posted by fircatty at 2005-7-12 17:43
帖上来了
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
有空就狠狠的批吧:)

好～
已经保存下来，晚点来看:)

alcestisUID: 2101945

恩……拍得没什么水准 见谅
The mainstream of contemporary culture is belonging to the middle-ager and the elderly in our human society. While the trends of youth is just one component of the contemporary culture, an avant-courier of the culture in the future. To understand the contemporary culture should be focus on the adults and the elderly. [主谓不搭配]Therefore, the most effective way to understand contemporary culture is not to analyze the trends of youth but the culture that belongs to the adults and the elderly. [is to analyze not the trend……这样似乎表意更清晰]

Nowadays, the middle-ager and senior citizen, who are in all kinds of important positions of the human society, control the ideology of our society. The ideas of their culture penetrate every aspects of the society, such as laws, morals. The trends of youth, or the youth culture, just can be stand for the trends of the development of the culture in the future. The relationship of the senior culture and the youth culture is like the father and the son. The father sets rules for the daily life and is the genearch of the family[and 前后调换似乎更好], as the senior-ager makes laws for the public and is in the important position of the society. While the son is the future of the family but now he is a kid who should obey the father’s words in the family, as the trends of youth is the avant-courier of the contemporary culture and mainstream culture belongs to the senior-ager. So, analyzing the trends of youth cannot be an effective way to understand the contemporary culture, as analyzing the kids in a family cannot be an effective way to understand that family.
[类比不错哦~~佩服并学习中……]
Moreover, the senior culture is the deposits of the career of life and the development of the society. The evolution of the whole human world can be contained in the contemporary culture because the adults and the elderly put their experiences into the old culture and formed the contemporary culture[没懂这句的逻辑 and前后是并列还是递进？如果并列则提到前者意义似乎不大 而如果是递进则似乎前者后者之间实质上不具备递进关系]. At the contrary, the youth culture may be lack of experiences of life and notions of the society. The trends of youth can be call fashion, which may soon disappear for misunderstand this world or may continue to development and popular among the youth. The youth culture which create by the media and youth themselves, may full of creativities that eager to change this world. Yes, history has proved that the evolution of a society always be started from the youth. But before they get the control of the world, they are always the minority and their culture is just a portion of the contemporary culture, and analyzing it should not be considered as an effective way to understand the culture at that time.

However, when analyzing the contemporary culture, the trends of the youth should never be ignored. Admittedly, the youth culture is always a non-mainstream culture in the world. But as the development of our society, the youth culture has been considered more and more important. In the history, most important evolutions are leaded by the youth and then influenced the world and also the culture, such as “5.4 Movement” in China in the early days of last century. The youth made a huge impact on the culture at that time. In addition, the youth is the future of our human society and their trends may become mainstream culture in the future while at that time the youth become old. Therefore, the trends of the youth should be put in a position that cannot be ignored.
[让步是不是应该放在前面？那样文章结构更加稳定]
In sum, the mainstream of the contemporary culture is not the trends of youth but the adults and the elderly culture, and analyze the youth culture won’t be an effective way for understanding the contemporary culture. However, while studying the contemporary culture also should not ignore the youth culture。

把文化分为the senior culture和the youth culture好像是有点割裂 不过我觉得可以自圆其说 不用以对待argue的态度看自己写的issue

edgarluUID: 203648

The mainstream of contemporary culture is belonging to the middle-ager and the elderly in our human society. While the trends of youth is just one component of the contemporary culture, an avant-courier of the culture in the future. To understand the contemporary culture should be focus on the adults and the elderly[one should be focusing on]. Therefore, the most effective way to understand contemporary culture is not to analyze the trends of youth but the culture that belongs to the adults and the elderly.

Nowadays, the middle-ager and senior citizen, who are in all kinds of important positions of the human society, control the ideology of our societyp[control改成 are incharge of 或是dominate会不会更好]. The ideas of their culture penetrate every aspects of the society, such as laws, morals. The trends of youth, or the youth culture, just can be stand for[can only stand for] the trends of the development of the culture in the future. The relationship of the senior culture and the youth culture is like the father and the son. The father sets rules for the daily life and is the genearch of the family, as the senior-ager makes laws for the public and is in the important position of the society. While[while一般用于同一句中，这里宜用meanwhile] the son is the future of the family but now he is a kid who should obey the father’s words in the family, as the trends of youth is the avant-courier[avant-courier这个词了解的不是很透彻，不过感觉用在这儿point不是合拍，纯属感觉] of the contemporary culture and mainstream culture belongs to the senior-ager. So, analyzing the trends of youth cannot be an effective way to understand the contemporary culture, as analyzing the kids in a family cannot be an effective way to understand that family. [cool analogy]

Moreover, the senior culture is the deposits of the career of life and the development of the society. The evolution of the whole human world can be contained in the contemporary culture because the adults and the elderly put their experiences into the old culture and formed the contemporary culture.[这一句话的意思我不是很明白，是社会演化过程还是社会演化结果融入在当代文化中？] At the contrary[on the contrary], the youth culture may be lack[lacking] of experiences of life and notions of the society. The trends of youth can be callp[called] fashion, which may soon disappear for misunderstand[their misunderstanding to] this world or may continue to development and popular[develop and popularize] among the youth. The youth culture which create[is created] by the media and youth themselves, may [be]full of creativities that [are]eager to change this world. Yes, history has proved that the evolution of a society always be started[starts] from the youth. But before they get the control of the world, they are always the minority and their culture is just a portion of the contemporary culture, and analyzing it should not be considered as an effective way to understand the culture at that time.

However, when analyzing the contemporary culture, the trends of the youth should never be ignored. Admittedly, the youth culture is always a non-mainstream culture in the world. But as the development of our society[as our society keeps developing], the youth culture has been considered more and more important. In the history, most important evolutions are[were] leaded[led] by the youth and then influenced the world and also[and 用太多了，不如试试as well as] the culture, such as “5.4 Movement” in China in the early days of last century. The youth made a huge impact on the culture at that time. In addition, the youth is the future of our human society and their trends may become mainstream culture in the future while at that time the youth become old[when they become old and take over]. Therefore, the trends of the youth should be put in a position that cannot be ignored.

In sum, the mainstream of the contemporary culture is not the trends of youth but the adults and the elderly culture, and analyze[analyzing] the youth culture won’t be an effective way for understanding the contemporary culture. However, while studying the contemporary culture also should not ignore the youth culture. [the youth culture should never be ignored in the study of contemporary culture]


总体感觉：（既然是拍，那主要还是砖）
1、楼主的一些语法错误还是要多多注意，蝼蚁虽小多亦撼树啊。比如主动被动语态运用的失误，写长句子时的从句主语不一致现象以及以上标出的一些小问题。
2、若干句子重复使用，建议同一句可以多变换几种形式，否则虽然是用在不同的地方论证不同的观点，批者可能会觉得你只是在简单重复

文章结构还是比较清晰的
不知是否限时完成？

[ Last edited by edgarlu on 2005-7-12 at 23:06 ]

songwei1765UID: 202658

拍的人已经很多了，把这些意见总结一下，自己再识别一下，已经够忙很久了，偶就不凑热闹了~~