issue48 同主题的，有拍必回，拍无止尽，字字斟酌(刚发错了，忘写标题了----）

ardorousUID: 2115432

刚发错了，甘受惩罚，忘写标题了---History , a permanent topic on the page of human progress which reflects a course filled with delight and distress, pride and humility , profound cognition and superficial thought . However , to be men engaged in history , mostly , they pay extravagant attention on the people who act as  catalyst in an authentic fact, while deliberately ignore the real groups who devotes their life to build a documentary new age.

first of all , to essentially understand which functions groups of people truly perform ,let us immerse ourselves into a historical events and retrospect what really happened .As it is known to all ,part of civilians praise for the booming of industrial revolution , for its power of changing the multi-national world, for its great effects to bring the ever increasing life standard for each individual ,nevertheless, most focus and highly praise they throw to the person who invented the steam engine – James Watt .There are numerous anecdotes about him , sketching him as a industrious and diligent person , for never learned systematically while leaded to the fantastical implement ,and so forth. The truth is that without the industrial groups of workers who dedicated to manipulate the final engine  ,without their efforts to produce the multiple products , there will not be the industrial revolution ,rather , just an invention that will be forgotten by the history.
  
Moreover, not only does groups of people influence the historical events dramatically , as for a predominant individual who so-called to lead to the transformation of society , they also illustrate their supporting power and devotion to the development of them. When considering this controversy , one may engages into the question , what brings about this elites?  because of born in a predominant family , with a former education , or even with the financial support from his government. These answers may proportionally reply to our question . Nevertheless , the best answer I hold is for the supporting and cultivating of the normal people around him , especially to who born in a poverty . As for president-Lincoln, the immortal poem -Shakespeare ,the Homer , great historical poem and so forth. .No one can deny the dedication of their mentors , their voters , their fans , who lead them to be remembered , to eventually become a brilliant one.

However ,although we emphasize the groups of people as fundamental element to the history , there should also the confirmation of each individual as an impetus to further increase the paces of  history. Overemphasize the influence of groups thus overlooking the individual is not a reasoning  and intelligent decision . Why generations of experts decide to take this means to understand history , since although it will forget some of the vital ones , but how can one distinguish these men and then record our history .Suppose this situation , when every time we turn on a page of historical books , on the every line it said , "the groups people from somewhere lead to the final success of the reform ". Then our history will become so abstruse and meaningless for us to grasp.


In sum , to fully understand the history , at the some time ,to understand the power of  hardly distinguished groups, whereas do not overestimate the influence made by the individual is the approach we may hold when research the history.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-17 at 21:47 ]

ardorousUID: 2115432

zjcq2002UID: 2113577

History , a permanent topic on the page of human progress which reflects a course filled with delight and distress, pride and humility , profound cognition and superficial thought . However , to be men engaged in history , mostly , they pay extravagant attention on the people who act as catalyst in an authentic fact, while deliberately ignore the real groups who devotes their life to build a documentary new age.[虽然词句都用得很精彩，但是作者的观点应该很明确地提出来]

first of all , to essentially understand which [the] functions groups of people truly perform ,let us immerse ourselves into a historical events [event] and retrospect what really happened .As it is known to all ,part of civilians praise for the booming of industrial revolution , for its power of changing the multi-national world, for its great effects to bring the ever increasing life standard for each individual ,nevertheless, most focus and highly praise they throw to the person who invented the steam engine – James Watt .There are numerous anecdotes about him , sketching him as a industrious and diligent person , for never learned [learnt] systematically while leaded to the fantastical implement ,and so forth. The truth is that without the industrial groups of workers who dedicated to manipulate the final engine  ,without their efforts to produce the multiple products , there will not be the industrial revolution ,rather , just an invention that will be forgotten by the history.

Moreover, not only does groups of people influence the historical events dramatically , as for a predominant individual who so-called to lead to the transformation of society , they also illustrate their supporting power and devotion to the development of them [指代不清]. When considering this controversy , one may engages into the question , what brings about this elites?  because of born in a predominant family , with a former education , or even with the financial support from his government. These answers may proportionally reply to our question . Nevertheless , the best answer I hold is for the supporting and cultivating of the normal people around him , especially to who born in a poverty . As for president-Lincoln, the immortal poem -Shakespeare ,the Homer , great historical poem and so forth. .No one can deny the dedication of their mentors , their voters , their fans , who lead them to be remembered , to eventually become a brilliant one.

However ,although we emphasize the groups of people as fundamental element to the history , there should also [be] the confirmation of each individual as an impetus to further increase the paces of  history. Overemphasize the influence of groups thus overlooking the individual is not a reasoning  and intelligent decision . Why generations of experts decide to take this means to understand history , since although it will forget some of the vital ones , but how can one distinguish these men and then record our history .Suppose this situation , when every time we turn on a page of historical books , on the every line it said , "the groups people from somewhere lead to the final success of the reform ". Then our history will become so abstruse and meaningless for us to grasp.[这一段的例子和最后的结论有一点语焉不详，从Why generations of experts……开始]


In sum , to fully understand the history , at the some[same] time ,to understand the power of  hardly distinguished groups, whereas do not overestimate the influence made by the individual is the approach we may hold when research[ing] the history.
一家之言，挑着看吧


这是我的Issue87:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=300977
大大有空也帮我看看吧

思念谁UID: 2115428

用词花哨，但不是很妥当。譬如：

Then our history will become so abstruse and meaningless for us to grasp

abstruse and meaningless 是一组反义词，并排使用岂不自相矛盾。

其次，However那段看不太明白，同意楼上观点。

还有，毕竟是考试作文，各段应有中心句，这方面欠缺。

ardorousUID: 2115432

因为五月托福归来，老师没有要求很多，只是要求句式多样，体现自己的语言能力，接触GRE以来，到现在为止才算意识到自己的问题吧，没有基本结构，例子不能到点，会继续努力的，谢谢，希望有更多这样的批评

思念谁UID: 2115428

恩，说得好，一同努力！

ardorousUID: 2115432

linxiao1983UID: 203095

     

History , a permanent topic on the page of human progress which reflects a course filled with delight and distress, pride and humility , profound cognition and superficial thought . However , to be men engaged in history , mostly , they pay extravagant attention on the people who act as  catalyst in an authentic fact, while deliberately ignore the real groups who devotes their life to build a documentary new age. 语言好，赞！  

first of all , to essentially understand which functions groups of people truly perform ,let us immerse ourselves into a historical events and retrospect what really happened .As it is known to all ,part of civilians praise for the booming of industrial revolution , for its power of changing the multi-national world, for its great effects to bring the ever increasing life standard for each individual ,nevertheless, most focus and highly praise they throw to the person who invented the steam engine – James Watt .There are numerous anecdotes about him , sketching him as a industrious and diligent person , for never learned systematically while leaded to the fantastical implement ,and so forth. The truth is that without the industrial groups of workers who dedicated to manipulate the final engine  ,without their efforts to produce the multiple products , there will not be the industrial revolution ,rather , just an invention that will be forgotten by the history.
   这方面的例子固然是一大把，把它说清楚是关键，xd你办到了  
Moreover, not only does groups of people influence the historical events dramatically , as for a predominant individual who so-called to lead to the transformation of society , they also illustrate their supporting power and devotion to the development of them. When considering this controversy , one may engages into the question , what brings about this elites?  because of born in a predominant family , with a former education , or even with the financial support from his government. These answers may proportionally reply to our question . Nevertheless , the best answer I hold is for the supporting and cultivating of the normal people around him , especially to who born in a poverty . As for president-Lincoln, the immortal poem -Shakespeare ,the Homer  删去the , great historical poem and so forth. .No one can deny the dedication of their mentors , their voters , their fans , who lead them to be remembered , to eventually become a brilliant one.
最后一句是点睛  
However ,although we emphasize the groups of people as fundamental element to the history , there should also the confirmation of each individual as an impetus to further increase the paces of  history. Overemphasize the influence of groups thus overlooking the individual is not a reasoning  and intelligent decision . Why generations of experts decide to take this means to understand history , since although it will forget some of the vital ones , but how can one distinguish these men and then record our history .Suppose this situation , when every time we turn on a page of historical books , on the every line it said , "the groups people from somewhere lead to the final success of the reform ". Then our history will become so abstruse and meaningless for us to grasp.


In sum , to fully understand the history , at the some time ,to understand the power of  hardly distinguished groups, whereas do not overestimate the influence made by the individual is the approach we may hold when research the history.
强！这篇文章文字流畅，句式多样，用词也很variety，赞！
对主题很好的响应了，基本的agree+小让步，写得很好！+U  

附上我的，请狠拍
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

zjcq2002UID: 2113577

ardorous,不好意思呀。麻烦你了！