Issue207 同主题，跑题了，大家引以为戒。呵呵，欢迎砸砖！

大门牙UID: 205197

------题目------
Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are.
提纲：
1．        有时候，或者适当的礼仪对社会有好处。
2．        过度的礼仪则损害社会的发展
a.        人们盲目追求表面
b.        文化本身会逐渐消亡
------正文------
Should we advocate ceremonies or neglect it? I think rituals and ceremonies can help conserve culture and give a better definition to some extent, however, if pay more attention to such superficies rather than the core of culture, societies or people would really miss the road in the process of developing splendid culture.

I concede that proper and correct rituals can benefit for culture. As we know, marriage ceremonies opening in solemn church transfer important and sweet information that both sides of husband and wife will live in love and happiness together from now on. It offers duty to consider and cherish the other side and those many spectators can express congratulation. Such rituals are helpful for the nicety of marriage and bring perfect and wonderful feeling to every one around. Contrarily, without it marriage would mostly lose its meanings and such culture will gradually vanish in a long time.

Although ceremonies is necessary for culture to certain extent, exceed ceremonious will do harm to culture itself and make people and society not find out accurate direction. Two chief arguments would justify.

Firstly, pay more attention to ceremonious lead to that people lose to know what the essence of the culture. It could make a false feeling for people that ceremonious is all of the culture without thought of essence. For example, spring festival is transitional custom for Chinese lasting for thousands of years. Nowadays, most of people only have to complete the rituals containing purchase goods for friends and relatives, prepare year dining and visit companion or boss so on. But how many people think about the connotation of spring festival that main purpose is to cheer for one year's hard working or studying, supply comfortable and satisfying feeling of last year's achievement and have a project of the next year? Some researches indicate that most of Chinese feel tired rather than enjoying festival in the period of spring festival, which must be a warning that we should abandon the superficies and catch the essence of that.

Secondly, culture would gradually disappear if rituals of culture are exorbitantly emphasized. Popular culture is changing in stupendous speed because of no deep implication containing in. At the same, if a culture is full of useless things, in fact it has already been deed. Imagine that if a piece of painting have no thought which painter intend to express but only the perfect scene without any flaw, it would not become a perpetuate work .

To sum up, culture essence is the most valuable thing worth studying and absorbing rather than wasting time on cumbersome ceremonious except necessary and proper rituals. Healthy Society development mostly depends on correct attitude for culture whether choose essence or consider only ceremonies

guesser198414UID: 2106027

Should we advocate ceremonies or neglect it? I think rituals and ceremonies can help conserve culture and give a better definition (definition of what? ) to some extent, however, if pay more attention to such superficies rather than the core of culture, societies or people would really miss the road(不清楚有没有这种表达？) in the process of developing splendid culture. (建议分成两句)
I concede that proper and correct rituals can benefit for cultures. As we know, marriage ceremonies opening in solemn church transfer important and sweet information that both sides of husband and wife will live in love and happiness  （will fall in love and live a happy life） together from now (then) on. It offers duty to consider and cherish the other side and those many spectators can express congratulation. Such rituals are helpful for the nicety of marriage and bring perfect and wonderful feeling to every one around. Contrarily, without it (指代不明) marriage would mostly lose its meanings and such culture(which culture) will gradually vanish in a long time.marriage ceremony taken place in the church is not culture

Although ceremonies is necessary for culture to certain extent, exceed ceremonious will do harm to culture itself and make people and society not find out（obstruct people to find out） accurate direction. Two chief arguments would justify.

Firstly, pay more attention to ceremonious lead to that people lose to know what the essence of the culture. It could make a false feeling for people that ceremonious is all of the culture without thought of essence. For example, spring festival is transitional custom for Chinese lasting for thousands of years. Nowadays, most of people only have to complete the rituals containing purchase goods for friends and relatives, prepare year dining and visit companion or boss so on. But how many people think about the connotation of spring festival that main purpose is to cheer for one year's hard working or studying, supply comfortable and satisfying feeling of last year's achievement and have a project of the next year? Some researches indicate that most of Chinese feel tired rather than enjoying festival in the period of spring festival, which must be a warning that we should abandon the superficies and catch the essence of that.

Secondly, culture would gradually disappear if rituals of culture are exorbitantly emphasized. Popular culture is changing in stupendous speed because of no deep implication containing in. At the same, if a culture is full of useless things, in fact it has already been deed. Imagine that if a piece of painting have no thought which painter intend to express but only the perfect scene without any flaw, it would not become a perpetuate work .

To sum up, culture essence is the most valuable thing worth studying and absorbing rather than wasting time on cumbersome ceremonious except necessary and proper rituals. Healthy Society development mostly depends on correct attitude for culture whether choose essence or consider only ceremonies
整体感觉句子读起来不舒服，不符合英语习惯，基本的语法、句法错误也比较多，建议自己先改过
时间有限先大概改了一些
说得比较直接，别鄙视我 :)
推荐the elements of style这本书（大概的书名）精华区可以下到，比较长但对写作很有帮助

zjcq2002UID: 2113577

Should we advocate ceremonies or neglect it? I think rituals and ceremonies can help conserve culture and give a better definition to some extent, however, if pay more attention to such superficies rather than the core of culture, societies or people would really miss the road in the process of developing splendid culture.

I concede that proper and correct rituals can benefit for culture. As we know, marriage ceremonies opening in solemn church transfer important and sweet information that both sides of husband and wife will live in love and happiness together from now on. It offers duty to consider and cherish the other side and those many spectators can express congratulation. Such rituals are helpful for the nicety of marriage and bring perfect and wonderful feeling to every one around. Contrarily, without it marriage would mostly lose its meanings and such culture will gradually vanish in a long time.

Although ceremonies is necessary for culture to certain extent, exceed ceremonious will do harm to culture itself and make people and society not find out accurate direction. Two chief arguments would justify[as follows].

Firstly, pay[ing] more attention to ceremonious[ lead to that people lose to know有问题] what the essence of the culture. It could make a false feeling for people that ceremonious is all of the culture without thought of essence. For example, spring festival is transitional custom for Chinese lasting for thousands of years. Nowadays, most of people only have to complete the rituals containing purchase goods for friends and relatives, prepare year dining and visit companion or boss so on. But how many people think about the connotation of spring festival that main purpose is to cheer for one year's hard working or studying, supply comfortable and satisfying feeling of last year's achievement and have a project of the next year? Some researches indicate that most of Chinese feel tired rather than enjoying festival in the period of spring festival, which must be a warning that we should abandon the superficies and catch the essence of that.

Secondly, culture would gradually disappear if rituals of culture are exorbitantly emphasized. Popular culture is changing in stupendous speed because of no deep implication containing in. At the same [time], if a culture is full of useless things, in fact it has already been deed[dead？]. Imagine that if a piece of painting have no thought which painter intend to express but only the perfect scene [without any flaw重复], it would not become a perpetuate work .

To sum up, culture essence is the most valuable thing worth studying and absorbing rather than wasting time on cumbersome ceremonious except necessary and proper rituals. Healthy Society development mostly depends on correct attitude for culture whether choose essence or consider only ceremonies
[这篇文章的语法错误前面的大大改了些，我就不重复了。从文章来看，有些语言不是很好，通读时会产生停顿感，然后大大自己也觉得偏题了，不过说实在，看了斑竹的分析之后，很难有觉得自己没偏题的，呵呵，加油！！！]