Issue136 字数有点少呵~~~

mrealUID: 201732

谢谢楼下战友们的意见，作了些改动;)
桔色是改过的地方。
但是表红处不知怎样改才好，大家再给些意见吧，先谢谢啦！

时间控制终于有进步啦，哈哈，但是写的少了点~~~

Issue136
about 500words

1社会发展，科技进步，在这个竞争的时代中，到处都充满了多样性。
2但是作为自由的个体，只要不违反规定不干涉别人的生活，就可以做出不同的选择。（不同的生活方式，不同的衣着打扮，不同的人生观价值观）
3社会的一分子必须遵守一定的规矩，这是义务，但对于此可以说没有选择。
承认规则下的自由就能够获得更多的选择的空间。

In the era of information expanding to an unimaginable extent, the mainstream of the social development is upgrading, whose result benefiting us is that diversities present in every realm of life, from which we make our choices. However, can we just define that the absence of choice is a rare circumstance? I think this assertion lacks of thorough consideration.
As with the progress of the society and the advancement of the science and technology, the whole society is overwhelmed with competitions, which results in the new kinds of stuff coming up at a flying speed. Hence, we win more resources between these competitors to make various choices according to the diversities they provide to us. 我理解你这里想说消费者从商业竞争中获利，但是没有说清楚~If we take a look at the shelves in the supermarket, we may be astounded by the view straight to the eyes--millions of thousands of kinds of goods and merchandises are arranged abreast on the shelves to be chosen. Each category has different brands, different sizes, different packages, even different functions, and every one of them spares no efforts to attract your attention from others. It is unlikely to happen that ultimately you are not comforted by anyone of them. Diversities leave you "no choice" to make "no choice".
Obviously, individuals has their own right to make any choice from their own desire and will, as a consequence, it is unacceptable that others limit their freedom to make such choices, let alone deprive of it. What is more, nowadays, the social phenomenon appeals to verify how people enjoys their own choices--externally, people dress in their own way, do the make-ups to their favor, have the distinct live-styles; on the internal one, people's way of thinking and judging even their value of life and ideology vary a lot from each other. Nevertheless, as more open and loose the society becomes, it generously embraces these differences of choices. And more, people themselves respect their own and others' choices making a harmonious society as well.Thanks to the generousness the society provides,to a dramatically larger extent,can we have more and more choices to make.Theoretically, as cells of the society, individuals have to undertake the responsibilities that the society forces on them other than the various choices it offers. Every society has its own government, legislates and then carries out their own management, as a result of which, any individual is under the supervise of the government, put another words, when their personal wills conflict with the social rules, there is no other choice for them to choose but to abandon their desire and to obey the rule. On some sense, this reveals that the absence of choices indeed exists. It is their accountabilities to maintain the society under order as residents while share the opportunities of choices with others.To a superficial level,it seems like less space leaving for personal choices by the restriction of laws and rules,but actually they guarantee the benefits of the whole society weighs at the balance with that  individuals gain.That is to say,restraining minority's impractical and extrovagant hopes sticks up to the rest of the people's rights to make distinct choices.
As is analyzed above, whether positive or negative, we can safely reach the conclusion that admitting the freedom under the restriction of laws and rules means leaving more space to make various choices, which helps double-wins for both the individuals and the society. If only, we cannot totally agree with what the speaker assert.

[ Last edited by mreal on 2005-7-27 at 17:20 ]

vico8478UID: 2120997

In the era of information expanding to an unimaginable extent, the mainstream of the social development is upgrading, whose result benefiting us is that diversities present in every realm of life, from which we make our choices. However, can we just define that the absence of choice is a rare circumstance? I think it lacking of thorough consideration.
As the progress of the society and the advancement of the science and technology, the whole society overwhelms with competitions, which results in the new kinds of stuff coming up at a flying speed. Hence, we win more resources between these competitors to make various choices according to the diversities they provide to us. If we take a look at the shelves in the supermarket, we may be astounded by the view straight to the eyes--millions of thousands of kinds of goods and merchandises are arranged abreast on the shelves to be chosen. Each category has different brands, different sizes, different packages, even different functions, and every one of them spares no efforts to attract your attention from others. It is unlikely to happen that ultimately you are not comforted by anyone of them. Diversities leave you "no choice" to make "no choice".
Admittedly, individuals has their own right to make any choice from their own desire and will, as a consequence, it is unacceptable that others limit their freedom to make such choices, let alone deprive of it. What is more, nowadays, the social phenomenon appeals to verify how people enjoys their own choices--externally, people dress in their own way, do the make-ups to their favor, have the distinct live-styles; on the internal one, people's way of thinking and judging even their value of life and ideology vary a lot from each other. Nevertheless, as more open and loose the society becomes, it generously embraces these differences of choices. And more, people themselves respect their own and others' choices making a harmonious society as well.
Theoretically, as cells of the society, individuals have to undertake the responsibilities the society force on them other than the various choices it offers. Every society has its own government, legislates and then carries out their own management, as a result of which, any individual is under the supervise of the government, put another words, when their personal wills conflict with the social rules, there is no other choice for them to choose but to abandon their desire to obey the rule. On some sense, this reveals that the absence of choices indeed exists. It is their accountabilities to maintain the society under order as residents while share the opportunities of choices with others.
As is analyzed above, whether positive or negative, we can safely reach the conclusion that admitting the freedom under the restriction of laws and rules means leaving more space to make various choices, which helps double-wins for both the individuals and the society. If only, we cannot totally agree with what the speaker assert.

总的说来，写的还不错。
缺点：1，语法错误较多，刚才都给你改完了，只是由于网络的原因改的都没了，不好意思啦。
2，第三段写不同的人选择不同，与主题想说的不是很focus,主题是说有无的问题，而没牵扯到不同人的选择问题。
3，第四段说得是个人的选择要与社会一致，更是与主题没啥关系。
个人见解，嘿嘿

alcestisUID: 2101945

In the era of information expanding to an unimaginable extent, the mainstream of the social development is upgrading, whose result benefiting us is that diversities present in every realm of life, from which we make our choices. However, can we just define that the absence of choice is a rare circumstance? I think itthis assertion lacking lacksof thorough consideration.
As the progress of the society and the advancement of the science and technologyas 加从句如果加短语用with好像, the whole society overwhelms is overwhelmedwith competitions, which results in the new kinds of stuff coming up at a flying speed. Hence, we win more resources between these competitors to make various choices according to the diversities they provide to us. 我理解你这里想说消费者从商业竞争中获利，但是没有说清楚~If we take a look at the shelves in the supermarket, we may be astounded by the view straight to the eyes--millions of thousands of kinds of goods and merchandises are arranged abreast on the shelves to be chosen. Each category has different brands, different sizes, different packages, even different functions, and every one of them spares no efforts to attract your attention from others. It is unlikely to happen that ultimately you are not comforted by anyone of them. Diversities leave you "no choice" to make "no choice".conclusion不错啊~
Admittedly, individuals has their own right to make any choice from their own desire and will, as a consequence, it is unacceptable that others limit their freedom to make such choices, let alone deprive of it. What is more, nowadays, the social phenomenon appeals to verify how people enjoys their own choices--externally, people dress in their own way, do the make-ups to their favor, have the distinct live-styles; on the internal one, people's way of thinking and judging even their value of life and ideology vary a lot from each other. Nevertheless, as more open and loose the society becomes, it generously embraces these differences of choices. And more, people themselves respect their own and others' choices making a harmonious society as well.这一段要加强和中心的联系 比如加一句 因为社会越来越宽容，人们可以更自由的选择，选择的范围比过去更广
Theoretically, as cells of the society, individuals have to undertake the responsibilitiesthat the society forces on them other than the various choices it offers. Every society has its own government, legislates and then carries out their own management, as a result of which, any individual is under the supervise of the government, put another words, when their personal wills conflict with the social rules, there is no other choice for them to choose but to abandon their desire and to obey the rule. On some sense, this reveals that the absence of choices indeed exists. It is their accountabilities to maintain the society under order as residents while share the opportunities of choices with others.这一段有一点写偏了 不过加几句话加强对主题的回应应该也可以 比如法律看似限制了人们的自由，实则从社会的角度讲给予了社会更广阔的空间，使更多人有选择的自由
As is analyzed above, whether positive or negative, we can safely reach the conclusion that admitting the freedom under the restriction of laws and rules means leaving more space to make various choices, which helps double-wins for both the individuals and the society. If only, we cannot totally agree with what the speaker assert.


总体上讲：
词语比较多变化 语法错比较多 有的地方表意不够精确
思路不错 但对主题的回应应该加强
另外，我认为从思路上来讲你的b1 b2都是同意题目观点，到b3才是一个让步，所以b2不应该用admittedly引起

mrealUID: 201732

呵呵，和楼上的说的问题一样，看来我要注意一下啦，改改喽，谢谢你：）