argument29 处于初级阶段敬请狠批，有批必会，欢迎互批！！

kolu_renUID：158196

29   When Ida McAllister ran for mayor of Lake City four years ago, she failed to win even 30 percent of the vote. But since then, McAllister has made public her commitment to environmental causes. She would be wise, therefore, to announce her intention to close all Lake City parks to automobile traffic, thus following the example of the former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu . On the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens, Mayor Yu prohibited automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks, and therefore was credited with solving the pollution problem and improving the quality of life in Plainsville. This action would have great appeal to the citizens of Lake City, most of whom participate in the community's recycling program, and would guarantee McAllister's success in her current quest to be Lake City's new mayor.

当Ida McAllister在四年前竞选Lake City市的市长的时候，她失败了，甚至未能赢得30％的选票。但从那以后，McAllister公开了她对环境事业的支持。因而，如果她宣布她将会让Lake City所有公园禁止汽车通行的话将会是十分明智的，这里有Plainsville前市长Alecia Yu的先例。在一小群关注该问题的市民的建议下，Yu市长在Plainsville的所有公园都禁止汽车通行，因而被称赞为解决了Plainsville的污染问题和提高了生活质量。这一行动对于Lake City的市民将会有极大吸引力，这些市民大部分参加了社区循环再生项目，也会保证McAllister在这次市长竞选中获得成功。

我的提纲是：
1.两地之间是否具有可比性？
2.禁止交通是否对她的选举有利？是否会得到参加循环再生项目的市民的欢迎？
3.是否存在其他因素造成四年前的选举失败？

In the statement, author predicted that the action of closing Lake City parks to automobile traffic, which solved the pollution problem would assure Ida McAllister win the quest to be the Lake City's mayor.  This assumption seems plausible, but after carefully ratiocination it fails to take some factor into consideration.

Firstly, do all the conditions such as pollution, terrain and economic situation have anything in common in these two areas? Plainsville is a city which is focus on the economic development. It has ample funds for government to solve the successive problems which result from the prohibited automobile traffic. For instance, build a new bridge to make up the inconvenience of traffic, hire some people to guide the automobiles and so on. The differences between two cities are not only in their economic status but also in their degree of pollution. Plainsville is a economic center, the gas from automobile is its main pollution source. While Lake City emphasized on the heavy industry, polluted air, water threatened the lives fo citizens. The author overlooked these details so he made a false causal analogy.

Secondly, the efficiency of this action is dubious. Since polluted gas from automobile is one of the most important thing of Plainsville. Mayor Yu adopted the recommendation of a small group of citizens which benefits him a lot. But to the mayor of Lake City, how to deal with polluted air and water is the urgent task. By contrasting, closing automobile  traffic makes little contribution to McAllister's vote. How much the action would appeal citizens is manifest. Especially, to those  who participate in the community's recycling program. Handling the pollution has little relation to recycling program.

Last but not least, the reasons why McAllister failed in the vote of mayor four years ago were not available. Maybe the specific stand of her offended citizens, for example racial discrimination, economic or tax policy. McAllister would not win the quest to be Lake City's new mayor until she adjust her compaign strategies address to electorate.

In sum, it will be more reasonable if the author provide more evidence of the efficiency of McAllister's action and the corrective action to the failure four years ago.

这是我的第一篇arguement习作，请多多指教！

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-28 at 12:35 ]

mrealUID：201732

一会贴~

mrealUID：201732

argument 29 处于初级阶段敬请狠批，有批必会，欢迎互批！！

29   When Ida McAllister ran for mayor of Lake City four years ago, she failed to win even 30 percent of the vote. But since then, McAllister has made public her commitment to environmental causes. She would be wise, therefore, to announce her intention to close all Lake City parks to automobile traffic, thus following the example of the former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu . On the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens, Mayor Yu prohibited automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks, and therefore was credited with solving the pollution problem and improving the quality of life in Plainsville. This action would have great appeal to the citizens of Lake City, most of whom participate in the community's recycling program, and would guarantee McAllister's success in her current quest to be Lake City's new mayor.

当Ida McAllister在四年前竞选Lake City市的市长的时候，她失败了，甚至未能赢得30％的选票。但从那以后，McAllister公开了她对环境事业的支持。因而，如果她宣布她将会让Lake City所有公园禁止汽车通行的话将会是十分明智的，这里有Plainsville前市长Alecia Yu的先例。在一小群关注该问题的市民的建议下，Yu市长在Plainsville的所有公园都禁止汽车通行，因而被称赞为解决了Plainsville的污染问题和提高了生活质量。这一行动对于Lake City的市民将会有极大吸引力，这些市民大部分参加了社区循环再生项目，也会保证McAllister在这次市长竞选中获得成功。

我的提纲是：
1.两地之间是否具有可比性？
2.禁止交通是否对她的选举有利？是否会得到参加循环再生项目的市民的欢迎？
3.是否存在其他因素造成四年前的选举失败？

In the statement, author predicted that the action of closing Lake City parks to automobile traffic, which solved the pollution problem， would assurethat Ida McAllister win the quest to be the Lake City's mayor.  This assumption seems plausible偏贬放在这里后面再转折，不对吧, but after carefully ratiocination it fails to take some factors应该强调是至关重要的因素吧 into consideration.

Firstly, do all the conditions such as pollution, terrain and economic situation have anything in common in these two areas? Plainsville is a city which is focus on the economic development. It has ample funds for government to solve the successive problems which result from the prohibited automobile traffic. For instance, build a new bridge to make up the inconvenience of traffic这么说有问题吧, hire some people to guide the automobiles and so on. The differences between two cities are not only in their economic status but also in their degree of pollution. Plainsville is a economic center, the gas from automobile is its main pollution source. While Lake City emphasized on the heavy industry, polluted air, water threatened the lives fo citizens. The author overlooked these details so he made a false causal analogy.如果是你自己假设的或者推测的可能发生的情况，应该说清楚是假设的，不然会让人看不明白嗒~

Secondly, the efficiency of this action is dubious. Since polluted gas from automobile is one of the most important thing of Plainsville. Mayor Yu adopted the recommendation of a small group of citizens which benefits him a lot. But to the mayor of Lake City, how to deal with polluted air and water is the urgent task. By contrasting,closing automobile  traffic makes little contribution to McAllister's vote. How much the action would appeal citizens is manifest. Especially, to those  who participate in the community's recycling program. Handling the pollution has little relation to recycling program.你要说的意思也许我从你的提纲里能够猜到，但是你实在是表述不清啊

Last but not least, the reasons why McAllister failed in the vote of mayor four years ago were not available. Maybe her specific stand  offended citizens, for example racial discrimination, economic or tax policy. McAllister would not win the quest 能这么说吗？我不太清楚哦，不如直接说selectionto be Lake City's new mayor until she adjust her compaign打错了吧？ strategies address to electorate.

In sum, it will be more reasonable if the author provide more evidence of the efficiency of McAllister's action and the corrective action to the failure four years ago.稍微简略了一点，但是还可以接受

mrealUID：201732

找的错误应该还算对路，不过语言和具体的思路还有必要再组织一下，要把意思和事件直接的联系表达清楚，一起加油！

kolu_renUID：158196

In the statement, author predicted that the action of closing Lake City parks to automobile traffic, which solved the pollution problem would assure Ida McAllister win the quest to be the Lake City's mayor.  However, before any final conclusion is made, we should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for the success mayor Yu got as compared to Mcallister.

Firstly, do all the conditions such as pollution, terrain and economic situation have anything in common in these two areas? Plainsville is a city which is focus on the economic development. It has sufficient funds for government to solve the successive problems which result from the prohibited automobile traffic. For instance, Plainsville government might build a new bridge or pave other ways to settle the inconvenience of traffic prohibition, hire some people to guide the automobiles and so on. The differences between two cities are not only in their economic status but also in their degree of pollution. Plainsville is a economic center, the gas from automobile is its main pollution source. While Lake City emphasized on the heavy industry, polluted air, water threatened the lives fo citizens. The author overlooked these details so he made a false causal analogy.

Secondly, the efficiency of this action is dubious. Since polluted gas from automobile is one of headaches of Plainsville government. Mayor Yu adopted the recommendation of a small group of citizens and restricted the traffic which benefits him a lot. But to the mayor of Lake City, how to deal with polluted air and water is the urgent task. By contrasting, closing automobile  traffic makes little contribution to McAllister's vote. Author supposes that this action would win the supports of citizens, especially, those who participate in the community's recycling program. But  on the basis of analysis above this supposition is manifestly ungrounded. Moreover, handling the pollution has little relation to recycling program.

Last but not least, the reasons why McAllister failed in the vote of mayor four years ago were not available. Maybe the specific stand of her offended citizens, for example racial discrimination, economic or tax policy. McAllister would not win the election to be Lake City's new mayor until she adjust her campaign strategies address to electorate.

In sum, it will be more reasonable if the author provide more evidence of the efficiency of McAllister's action and the corrective action to the failure four years ago.

mreal 我已经根据你的建议修改了一下我的arguement,但是对于结尾我好像没什么主意，能给点提示？:handshake
你有没有什么新作啊？我来学习一下;)

mrealUID：201732

呵呵，其实对于你的结尾我没有啥意见啊，简略也没什么不好啊，不过我看过的好多都习惯在结尾针对每一个错误作出一个修改意见或者说出一些要补充的方面。你也覆盖了这些内容，只是与众不同的缩略成一句话了，呵呵，牛啊~
大家互相学习：）

kolu_renUID：158196

看来我还是要多看点别人的文章了，哎呀，时间都不够，真是伤脑筋！

kolu_renUID：158196

谁能帮我再改改啊？