issue52 第一次限时完成 ，肯定有好多错误，请各位不吝赐教，谢先！！！！

tlzln_0812UID: 197186

Issue52: 381 words 45 minutes
Education encourages students to question and criticize, and therefore does little to promote social harmony.
提纲：观点不同意这种说法，教育在一定程度上促进了社会的和谐。
   首先，共同的理想和信念有利于社会的和谐。
   其次，质疑有利于完善我们共同的理想和信念。
   再者，通过教育，我们获得了这种能力。
正文：  
From the radios, we can often hear the message like that we should seek for the social harmony by any means such as the education. A puzzle will arises whether education who encourage the students to question and criticize could benefit the harmony or not .Some people like the speaker argue that education do little to the harmony .A careful thinking tell me that to certain extent the ability of criticizing promotes the social harmony.
  To begin with, the ideal and goal that are shared with everyone in the society might accelerate the harmony. To most social members, the social harmony is that every group, every religions, every race can develope together and exist peacefully. In china, for example, our ideal and goal is to develope the economics and make the every Chinese have a happy life. In order to come true the goal everyone in china unit one. another example ,in American , the freedom is their shared goal .for the freedom they do their best to work ,even risk losing their life in the war .those goal make members of society one ,to certain extent maintain and promote the harmony.
  Secondly, criticizing might do amend our ideal and goal .along with development, environment might change, members of society might change, things confront with might change. For the society's development, we should change our ideal and goal according with the changed, which need discussion by questioning and criticizing .only thought the way ,we might ensure the goal in the right way and represent the profit of the majority of the society.
  Thirdly , education can impart the ability of criticizing to the student .In school ,teacher tell student question anything that you can not make true that must be right ,meanwhile ,teach them the approach of the ability. from the source of the knowledge handed down from generation to generation ,we might have many reasons to question the knowledge such as that the time is changed .in addition by questioning we might the knowledge more and more right .
  To sum up, the reason why education can receive more and more funds from government and any other group is that it benefit the society in every aspect of the society, especially the ability of questioning and criticizing in the way of society's harmony

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-27 at 21:55 ]

flfengUID: 2111823

From the radios, we can often hear the message like that we should seek for the social harmony by any means such as the education. A puzzle will arises whether education who encourage the students to question and criticize could benefit the harmony or not. Some people like the speaker argue that education do little to the harmony .A careful thinking tell me that to certain extent the ability of criticizing promotes the social harmony.
总体来看开头不太好，看作者的意思是想采用引入和排出他人意见的方法开头，但是你这种方法的思路还没有成熟， 建议你再组织思考一下如何构造。

明显的一个问题是第一句和第二句衔接不太紧密，给人一种突兀的感觉。
Radios and televisions often convey the message of promoting the social harmony by means of education, then we come the problem that how in deed can education succeed in doing that since it mainly encourage students to question and criticize. And some people even maintain that education even hamper the harmony progress of the society. Yet, careful thinking shows that, to some extent, criticizing helps to build the harmonious atmosphere of the society since it__________.

最后一句这样写是因为要你自己加一点东西，结合全文，把主要原因写出来， 否则THESIS就比较若。关于这个问题看下面跟贴。

开头还有其他方法，参考老外280篇，简洁有力又实用。

To begin with, the ideal and goal that are shared with everyone in the society might accelerate the harmony. To most social members, the social harmony is that every group, every religions, every race can develope together and exist peacefully. In china, for example, our ideal and goal is to develope the economics and make the every Chinese have a happy life. In order to come true the goal everyone in china unit one. another example ,in American , the freedom is their shared goal .for the freedom they do their best to work ,even risk losing their life in the war .those goal make members of society one ,to certain extent maintain and promote the harmony.  
这一段走了，没有和教育挂钩。。。需要大改！！
To begin with, the ideal and goal that are shared with everyone in the society might accelerate the harmony process which give the citizens a clear view of their what they think and what they want and, to some extent, the common idea and goal can be effectively created through education. Although the school curriculum plays a minor part compared with effluence from the family and community, yet it made student to believe that part of the society and they share some common interests and belief and, under some circumstances, their collective effort to severe the common goals and better improve their life.______ (可以加点例子评价什么的。。。)

Secondly, criticizing might do amend our ideal and goal.along with development, environment might change, members of society might change, things confront with might change. For the society's development, we should change our ideal and goal according with the changed, which need discussion by questioning and criticizing .only thought the way ,we might ensure the goal in the right way and represent the profit of the majority of the society.
其实这一段没有讲什么东西。太不具体化了，建议重新构思。

Thirdly , education can impart the ability of criticizing to the student .In school ,teacher tell student question anything that you can not make true that must be right ,meanwhile ,teach them the approach of the ability. from the source of the knowledge handed down from generation to generation ,we might have many reasons to question the knowledge such as that the time is changed .in addition by questioning we might the knowledge more and more right .
看到这里我明白你前面两段的引子作用了，可是这种写法实在是很乏力，都了一个圈子，讲了一大堆道理，到头来有意义的只是稍稍几句话。。。
其实ISSUE是讲道理给人听， 如果我这样讲给你听你是否觉得质地有声？这篇文章想法太少，我觉得你要多了解ISSUE讲的问题的一些本质。其实你想说的我写一段200字左右就够了，写这么多实在浪费。如果这个问题不解决，你的文章很难突破的。你去看看范文，哪一个不是充满想法，老外280篇也是啊！！强烈建议你多看看老外280篇哪！

我的语气重了点，实在是希望对你有所帮助，今天刚刚考完，感慨挺多，我之前考过一次，以前写文章的时候为了字数，写的很是飘，绕来绕去，成绩当然不好。现在忽然感悟了很多，善言而已，别生气！！感兴趣可以看看我的一些帖子，文章一般，但是还是有些想法的，对于文字水平，我给一些同学做过很多修改，可参考如alcestis (alcestis)的帖子。

  To sum up, the reason why education can receive more and more funds from government and any other group is that it benefit the society in every aspect of the society, especially the ability of questioning and criticizing in the way of society's harmony

flfengUID: 2111823

http://www.rainyctc.com/book/sj25a.htm

这本书不错，很多想法，可参考。

tlzln_0812UID: 197186

flfeng ，谢谢 你及时指出了我的不足，写的时候就感觉没什么好的想法，看了你的话，才觉得自己欠缺的东西挺多的，都怪以前读的书太少。谢谢你赠送的资料。