argument117 同主题

dr_greenUID: 193584

Argument117  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'

------正文------
Though the manager is confident with the future of office-supply departments of Valu-Mart, his suggestion of increasing the stock of office products at all Valu-Mart stores needs a second thought. To make the final decision, we need more information about the validity of the survey, and accurate forecast of future business transaction.

Firstly, to get more profit by increasing stock of office supplies and home office machines, there must be an steadily increasing market. However, 70% of the respondents to a recent survey is not substantial enough to demonstrate such a consuming market.  The manager should at least answer the following questions: How many people attended the survey? How many kinds of jobs did it covered? Were the respondents drawn from the same company or volunteers coming from many aspects of the society? Do those occupations contain the majority of the working force or only a small group of people? In other words, unless the survey can represent a large amount of people, we cannot be sure that those who take work home take a large proportion of the population. Thus whether can they form a consumption market large enough to consume most of the products we store is doubtable.

Secondly, even if we admitted that the majority of people did take work home, would this trend increase the profit we get in office-supply departments is another question to doubt. It is unclear from the manager's memo why this department was not profitable in the past. Is it because of less marketing need, or some interior problems? Customers might be discontented with the service, or the quality of our products could be worst than other stores, and thus people turn to other stores for these products. Since this possibility is not at all small, better service and better products may become a better choice for a change.

Thirdly, since to increase the stock might be unwise, to do it at all stores can even be dangerous.  Even if we assuming that the above 2 problem are not worth worrying, unless all the stores we have are located near the possible future customers, the increase of stock would probably be stuck in the stores. Thus the manager's advice might lead to more costs instead of more profits, let along make the office-supply departments the most profitable component of our stores.

Considering the invalid survey result and, and unclear causes of low profit in early business transaction, we'd better not to make the eager decision to increase our stock at all office-supply departments at the moment, and search for more information.

第一次写argu啊。。。又是第一次写经济类的东西 对很多专业术语很没把握。。。帮我改的同志啊～～～辛苦了！！！谢谢！！！！

翦瞳UID: 184872

Though the manager is confident with the future of office-supply departments of Valu-Mart, his suggestion of increasing the stock of office products at all Valu-Mart stores needs a second thought. To make the final decision, we need more information about the validity of the survey, and accurate forecast of future business transaction. (imong说开头要简单，复述的作用不大)

Firstly, to get more profit by increasing stock of office supplies and这句话复杂了些，;P 不用限定什么方法，profit就是要有市场home office machines, there must be an steadily increasing market. However, 70% of the respondents to a recent survey is not substantial enough to demonstrate such a consuming market.  The manager should at least answer the following questions: How many people attended the survey? How many kinds of jobs did it covered? Were the respondents drawn from the same company or volunteers coming from many aspects of the society? Do those occupations contain the majority of the working force or only a small group of people? In other words, unless the survey can represent a large amount 不仅是数量的问题，general situation, 是个层次，各工种的consumer of people, we cannot be sure that those who take work home take a large proportion of the population [workers]. Thus whether can they form 需要倒装? 我糊涂了，知道了告诉我！ a consumption market large enough to consume most of the products we store is doubtable. {排比句很好，但层次不是清晰的说，练练就好了}

Secondly, even if we admitted that the majority of people did take work home, would this trend increase the profit we get in office-supply departments is another question to doubt. It is unclear from the manager's memo why this department was not profitable in the past. Is it because of less marketing need, or some interior problems? Customers might be discontented with the service, or the quality of our products could be worst than other stores, and thus people turn to other stores for these products. Since this possibility is not at all small, better service and better products may become a better choice for a change. [从市场角度，profit的可能着手，但not convincing enough，可以增加 攻击its office-supply departments in the past]

Thirdly, since to increase the stock might be unwise, to do it at all stores can even be dangerous.  Even if we assuming that the above 2 problem are not worth worrying, unless all the stores we have are located near the possible future customers, the increase of stock would probably be stuck in the stores. Thus the manager's advice might lead to more costs instead of more profits, let along make the office-supply departments the most profitable component of our stores. [递进的论证，但题目不涉及individual and general 的问题]

Considering the invalid survey result and,>< and unclear causes of low profit in early business transaction, we'd better not to make the eager decision to increase our stock at all office-supply departments at the moment, and search for more information. [总结不是很有力，比如，市场分析没提到]

加油！