argument117 同主题， 绝对回拍

星星之火UID: 2107154

Argument117  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！


------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'

------正文------
In this argument the author concludes that office-supply departments will become more profitable than any other component of Valu-Mart stores. To substantiate his conlusion, the author cites a survey indicating that there is a work-at-home trend recently. Additionally, the author predicts that more home office machines would be sold out. Close scrutiny, however, reveals that this argument is problematic in some respects.

First of all, the survey the author cites must be shown to be reliable before I can accept any conclusion based upon it. Yet the author fails to provide any details about the survey in the argument. Common sense informs me that it is entirely possible that the respondents happen to be required to do some work at home for thier special jobs. It is also possible that the respondents are insufficient in number to ensure that they could be representative of general people. Without evidence of the survey's reliability, it is impossible to draw any firm conclusion based on the survey.

Secondly, even the fact that people would do more work at home is true, however, it does not mean that more home office machines would be sold out. Perhaps the office machines which the store supplies would not apply to the needs of most people, or perhaps the machines is of poor quarlity, and peolple would rather buy office machines in other stores than buy there. Therefore without accounting for these and other possibilities, the author can not convince me that the sales of their office machines would increase, let alone that the office-supply departments would be more profitable.

Thirdly, even assuming that more home office machines of Mart store will be sold out, the author concludes too hastily that their office-supply departments will surely become the most profitable one in their stores. Common sense tells me that profit is a function not only of the quantity of the sales, but also of the costs. Perhaps, this high sale would not last a very long period, and thus just a small number of the home office machines could be sold out. As a result, the revenue might not offset the costs of the rest stock which could not be sold out. Furthermore, the author provides no infermation about other departments. It is quite possible that other departments have take some affirmative measures and would get more profits than the office-supply departments.

In sum, this argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvinceing as it stands. To strenghten it, the author would have to provide evidence that a large number of home office machines are needed by the market. Moreover, it is also necessary to make sure that consumers will be satisfied with t

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-3 at 00:41 ]

硬柿子UID: 204138

------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'

------正文------
In this argument the author concludes that office-supply departments will become more profitable than any other component of Valu-Mart stores. To substantiate his conlusion, the author cites a survey indicating that there is a work-at-home trend recently. Additionally, the author predicts that more home office machines would be sold out. Close scrutiny, however, reveals that this argument is problematic in some respects.

First of all, the survey the author cites must be shown to be reliable before I can accept any conclusion based upon it. Yet the author fails to provide any details about the survey in the argument. Common sense informs me that it is entirely possible that the respondents happen to be required to do some work at home for thier special jobs. It is also possible that the respondents are insufficient in number to ensure that they could be representative of general people. Without evidence of the survey's reliability, it is impossible to draw any firm conclusion based on the survey.
关于survey, study你总能挑剔他的可靠性，调查如何进行，样本多大，数据如何处理，可靠性如何？这些都是套话，只要好好整理，见到模糊的survey或者study就可以套，字数就来了，这可是斑竹传授的高招~~~

Secondly, even the fact that people would do more work at home is true, however, it does not mean that more home office machines would be sold out. Perhaps the office machines which the store supplies would not apply to the needs of most people, or perhaps the machines is of poor quality quality, and peoplepeople would rather buy office machines in other stores than buy there. Therefore without accounting for these and other possibilities, the author can not convince me that the sales of their office machines would increase, let alone that the office-supply departments would be more profitable.
关于利润的问题，昨天我在看Argument 的242道大纲，我发现很多都涉及到profit,那么这里又有个套路，profit=revenue-cost,那么revenue=price*quantity,影响以上的因素是什么呢，总结下，对提高Arg的速度很有帮助~~~

Thirdly, even assuming that more home office machines of Mart store will be sold out, the author concludes too hastily that their office-supply departments will surely become the most profitable one in their stores. Common sense tells me that profit is a function not only of the quantity of the sales, but also of the costs. Perhaps, this high sale would not last a very long period, and thus just a small number of the home office machines could be sold out. As a result, the revenue might not offset the costs of the rest stock which could not be sold out. Furthermore, the author provides no information about other departments. It is quite possible that other departments have take some affirmative measures and would get more profits than the office-supply departments.这个观点很好，我没有想到和其他部门相比，值得借鉴~~我发现ARG都是在一些小的字眼上做文章，比如all, profitable, productivity等等~~~好好归纳~~

In sum, this argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author would have to provide evidence that a large number of home office machines are needed by the market. Moreover, it is also necessary to make sure that consumers will be satisfied with t

BTW, 高手算不上，其实要归功于斑竹们的透彻分析，我只是站在巨人的肩膀上罢了~~~加油~~~

OceanDUID: 2118730

In this argument the author concludes that office-supply departments will become more profitable than any other component of Valu-Mart stores. To substantiate his conlusion, the author cites a survey indicating that there is a work-at-home trend recently. Additionally, the author predicts that more home office machines would be sold out. Close scrutiny, however, reveals that this argument is problematic in some respects.

First of all, the survey the author cites must be shown to be reliable before I can accept any conclusion based upon it. Yet the author fails to provide any details about the survey in the argument. Common sense informs me that it is entirely possible that the respondents happen to be required to do some work at home for thier[their] special jobs. It is also possible that the respondents are insufficient in number to ensure that they could be representative of general people. Without evidence of the survey's reliability, it is impossible to draw any firm conclusion based on the survey. [我觉得样本问题还能提出些漏洞，比如没说职业]

Secondly, even the fact that people would do more work at home is true, [it is true that…的句式是不是更好？不然有点头重脚轻] however, it does not mean that more home office machines would be sold out. Perhaps the office machines which the store supplies would not apply to the needs of most people[说的不清楚，怎么没满足了？是质量还是外观？你的说法是大的方面，和后面质量这个小方面并列我觉得不妥。不知你明白不？比如质量不好，或者外观不好，都属于不满足需求], or perhaps the machines is of poor quarlity[quality], and peolple would rather buy[would rather 后加过去时] office machines in other stores than buy there. Therefore without accounting for these and other possibilities, the author can not convince me that the sales of their office machines would increase, let alone that the office-supply departments would be more profitable.

Thirdly, even assuming that more home office machines of Mart store will be sold out, the author concludes too hastily that their office-supply departments will surely become the most profitable one in their stores. Common sense tells me that profit is a function not only of the quantity of the sales, but also of the costs. Perhaps, this high sale would not last a very long period, and thus just a small number of the home office machines could be sold out. As a result, the revenue might not offset the costs of the rest stock which could not be sold out. Furthermore, the author provides no infermation[infromation] about other departments. It is quite possible that other departments have take some affirmative measures and would get more profits than the office-supply departments.[论证的不错]

In sum, this argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvinceing[unconvincing] as it stands. To strenghten[strengthen] it, the author would have to provide evidence that a large number of home office machines are needed by the market. Moreover, it is also necessary to make sure that consumers will be satisfied with t[掐时间写的？没写完？]

[OceanD小结：总的来说，还不错。为改进提出以下几点：
1. 样本部分可以在充分点2.句式还可以灵活些，中国式的思维还是有点重3.发散思维多点
我解释一下第三点，如果你看过ETS发布的6分作文，你就会发现。456分的作文，篇幅都差不多，但是6分挑出的逻辑错误特别多，大概有六个，4分就只有三个，那么篇幅就差在4分灌水的内容太多了，所以我提倡句子精炼，尽量多想，比如他因法批驳时，别人只能想一两个，你想了4个，那你的分肯定高了。我也做不到，大家一起努力吧:)]