ARGUMENT9 V6站队 8.3 高频高频~~~

mrealUID：201732

修改版，请继续拍：D


很久没写了，又超时了，唉~~~这两天状态懒散啊！
大家把我拍警醒了吧，先谢谢啦！;P

Argument9  
448words
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
'Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.'
------正文------
In the argument, the arguer announces that Omega University (O) should right away terminate students evaluation of professors in order to secure better job to for its graduates. However, none pointed evidence convinces me what the argument presents. This arguemnt suffers from serious fallacies after careful examination.
First of all, the precondition of the argument that the reason why our students are not as successful as Alphy University (A)'s students is due to our evaluation system is not warranted as it stands. Because without the comparison between O and A in all aspects and not ruling out other possibilities, only the mere suppose cannot verify that the evaluation is accountable for the unsuccessful results of O's graduates to find proper jobs. It is highly possible that O's majors cannot meet the new need of the market in the age of information tendency. Moreover, A’s students weigh more advantages in other facets than O’s student and win wildly favor of the employers for some reasons, which also makes them more competitive. Either scenario, if true, will weaken the arguer’s claim that it is evaluation system that set obstacles to the graduates’ success of getting good jobs.
Secondly, to bolster the conclusion, the arguer implies that O's students are acquiring more and more grades for their professors would like to use this way to gain higher commendation from students. By exaggerating the negative influence the evaluation may place on the professors, it is presumptuous for the arguer to analyze so. Perhaps the real ability of students steps forwards due to their own efforts, and the increasing in their grade justify the evaluation for its force on the professors to improve their teaching skills. It is requisite more investigations to be taken into account to weigh students' real standard to strengthen this argument.
Last but not the least, the arguer is certain about the fact that potential employers consider the grade of O's students to be inflated, which actually lacks of any concrete evidences. The conclusion totally comes from arguer’s own assumption which lends no solid evidence to support his argument. Perhaps, potential employers regard the evaluation system to be efficient to shorten the gap of misunderstanding between professors and students; furthermore, it helps students to foster their ability to communicate with supervisors, which satisfies the employers in some sense.

To sum up, this argument fails to make us believe at the correlation between the students evaluation of professors and guarantee of O's graduates' good jobs. To substantiate his argument, the arguer needs to provide more information about the potential employers' opinions to regulate O’s trend in education. Additionally, only by chasing after the market changes and need to instill our students in required skills in specific realm, can we secure better position our graduates could reach for.

[ Last edited by mreal on 2005-8-5 at 11:17 ]

dingzjUID：2101797

Argument9  
448words
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
'Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.'
------正文------
In the argument, the arguer announces that Omega University (O) should right away terminate students evaluation of professors in order to secure better job to for its graduates. However, none pointed evidence convinces me what the argument presents. I would like to analyze from three aspects after my careful scrutiny. 问个问题： Argument里面出现这种以我开头的句子合适吗？我好像听过说因为是逻辑分析，最好不要带这种词或这种句式。呵呵，再交流一下。There aspects of this arguemnt suffer serious fallacies after careful scrutiny.
First of all, the precondition of the argument that the reason why our students are not as successful as Alphy University (A)'s students is due to our evaluation system is not warranted as it stands. Because without the comparison between O and A in all aspects and not ruling out other possibilities, only the mere suppose cannot verify that the evaluation is accountable for the unsuccessful results of O's graduates to find proper jobs. It is highly possible that O's majors cannot meet the new need of the market in the age of information tendency. Moreover, A’s students weigh more advantages in other facets than O’s student and win wildly favor of the employers for some reasons, which also makes them more competitive. Either scenario, if true, will weaken the arguer’s claim that it is evaluation system that set obstacles to the graduates’ success of getting a good jobs.
Secondly, to bolster the conclusion, the arguer implies that O's students are acquiring more and more grades for their professors would like to use this way to gain higher commendation from students. By exaggerating the negative influence the evaluation may place on the professors, it is presumptuous for the arguer to analyze so. Perhaps the real ability of students steps forwards due to their own efforts, and the increasing in their grade justify the evaluation for its force on the professors to improve their teaching skills.一个perhaps之后就完了，怎么有点意犹未尽，是否缺点小概括....

Last but not the least, the arguer is certain about the fact that potential employers consider the grade of O's students to be inflated, which actually lacks of any concrete evidences. The conclusion totally comes from arguer’s own assumption which lends no solid evidence to support his argument. Perhaps, potential employers regard the evaluation system to be efficient to shorten the gap of misunderstanding between professors and students; furthermore, it helps students to foster their ability to communicate with supervisors, which satisfy the employers in some sense.

To sum up, this argument fails to make us believe at the correlation between the students evaluation of professors and guarantee of O's graduates' good jobs. To substantiate his argument, the arguer needs to provide more information about the potential employers' opinions to regulate O’s trend in education. Additionally, only by chasing after the market changes and need to instill our students in required skills in specific realm, can we secure better position our graduates could reach for.

写得很好了，挑不出什么毛病，我觉得拿6分希望很大。
学习ing......
hehe

peacockUID：2114612

In the argument, the arguer announces that Omega University (O) should right away terminate students evaluation of professors in order to secure better jobs to its graduates. However, none pointed evidence convinces me what the argument presents. I would like to analyze from three aspects after my careful scrutiny.

First of all, the precondition of the argument that the reason why our students are not as successful as Alphy University (A)'s students is due to our evaluation system is not warranted as it stands. Because without the comparison between O and A in all aspects and not ruling out/excluding other possibilities, only the mere suppose cannot verify that the evaluation is accountable for the unsuccessful results of O's graduates to find proper jobs.这句话好像有点问题 It is highly possible that O's majors cannot meet the new need of the market in the age of information tendency. Moreover, A’s students weigh more advantages in other facets than O’s student and win wildly favor of the employers for some reasons, which also makes them more competitive. Either scenario, if true, will weaken the arguer’s claim that it is evaluation system that sets obstacles to the graduates’ success of getting a 该去掉吧good jobs.

Secondly, to bolster the conclusion, the arguer implies that O's students are acquiring more and more grades for their professors would like to use this way to gain higher commendation from students. By exaggerating the negative influence the evaluation may place on the professors, it is presumptuous for the arguer to analyze so. Perhaps the real ability of students steps forwards due to their own efforts, and the increasing/increase in their grade justify the evaluation for its force on the professors to improve their teaching skills.

Last but not the least, the arguer is certain about the fact that potential employers consider the grade of O's students to be inflated, which actually lacks of any concrete evidences. The conclusion totally comes from arguer’s own assumption which lends no solid evidence to support his argument. Perhaps, potential employers regard the evaluation system to be efficient to shorten the gap of misunderstanding between professors and students; furthermore, it helps students to foster their ability to communicate with supervisors, which satisfy/ies the employers in some sense.

To sum up, this argument fails to make us believe at the correlation between the students evaluation of professors and guarantee of O's graduates' good jobs. To substantiate his argument, the arguer needs to provide more information about the potential employers' opinions to regulate O’s trend in education. Additionally, only by chasing after the market changes and need to instill our students in required skills in specific realm, can we secure better position our graduates could reach for.

觉得文章的逻辑是这样的：
evaluation 导致1  教授给高分，学生成绩高
公司觉得学生成绩inflated 导致2 学生就业失败 导致3 建议停止评估
觉得如果文章按照这三个导致顺次批驳下来会比较有力
感觉楼主缺 “导致3”

ps我水平有限，所以以挑小语法错误为主，不当之处请包含。
mreal，能帮忙看下我这篇吗？也是argument9
花了一小时写的，给打个分吧。如果还过得去，我就主要练限时了，3x

peacockUID：2114612

[1hour]                [517words]
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Giving some facts and some analyses, the arguer alleges that in order to find better jobs, students of Omega University have to stop evaluating the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Although it is credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal the hidden flaws as follows in his/her reasoning.

Primarily, the dean commits a fallacy of "after this, therefore because of this" in assuming that student evaluation has resulted in the thirty percent rise/increase in the overall student grade averages. As a common sense, students' grades assigned by the professor do not determine their evaluations which are operated in terms of the professor's passion, skill, and responsibility. To prevent mentioned situation, the school usually operates such evaluation in the last lesson of the semester before the final examination. If so, the assumption that professors assign higher grades in their classes to get higher level in the evaluation is totally unfound. The arguer should take into account other possible reasons why the overall student grade averages have risen in Omega University.

Next, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the higher overall student grade averages and the fact that Omega graduates have got less successful jobs compared with graduates from nearby Alpha University. Many factors could affect the employment situation including the interview skills, communication ability and the grades. Although the grades at Omega are inflated, the employers could judge the graduates with the relevant higher criteria. As we all know that there are several rounds in the company's recruitment procedure and the grades only help graduates pass the first round-resume selecting. In the latter, the manager of the human resource department makes further communication/interview to determine your quality mentioned above, which all have nothing to do with your grades. That is to say, only grades can not ensure that graduates could find better jobs. Therefore, the arguer has to provide more evidence concerning the relationship between the grades and the result of securing jobs.

Finally, the suggestion that Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors immediately is half-baked. First of all, the new evaluation system indeed helps improve the teaching effectiveness of professors. And through the evaluation procedure students could give their feedback to professors, which is a kind of communication between teachers and students. Instead of simply stopping student evaluation, Omega University should take some measures to improve it. What's more, Omega University has to supply more training programs to help its graduates find jobs successfully as do graduates from nearby Alpha University. For instance, Graduates could improve their interview skills through the speech training courses. Consequently, Omega University needs to do more to help its graduates in the employment market except terminating student evaluation of professors.

To conclude, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the conclusion, the arguer must present more facts to prove that it is the evaluation that leads to/result in the 30% rise in the overall student grade averages. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to produce more evidence concerning that terminating student evaluation of professors could enable its graduates to secure better jobs.

[ Last edited by peacock on 2005-8-5 at 00:48 ]

mrealUID：201732

[1hour]                [517words]
--------------------------------------------------
Giving some facts and some analysis, the arguer alleges that in order to find better jobs, students of Omega University have to stop evaluating the teaching effeciency of all their professors. Although it is credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal the hidden flaws as follows in his/her reasoning.

Primarily, the dean commits a fallacy of "after this, therefore because of this"似乎不要这么说吧，即使是这个意思也应该带到具体的事情中解释清楚 in assuming that student evaluation has resulted in the thirty percent rise/increase in the overall student grade averages. As a common sense, common sense应该不会说明以下的内容吧~students' grades assigned by the professor do not determine their evaluations which are operated in terms of the professor's passion, skill, and responsibility. To prevent mentioned situation, the school usually operates such evaluation in the last lesson of the semester before the final examination. 在这里不要用usually这样的口气，可以直接假设你说的那种情况出现来反驳论点If so, the assumption that professors assign higher grades in their classes to get higher level in the evaluation is totally unfound假设没有被发现？不好吧，不如说unwarranted .The arguer should take into account other possible reasons why the overall student grade averages have risen in Omega University.

Next, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the higher overall student grade averages and the fact that Omega graduates have got less successful jobs compared with graduates from nearby Alpha University. Many factors could affect the employment situation including the interview skills, communication ability and the grades. Although the grades at Omega are inflated？？你为什么要承认这一点啊？？你应该完全反驳的啊~是不是想说even though啊？, the employers could judge the graduates with the relevant higher criteria后半句你要说什么没看懂~. As we all know that there are several rounds in the company's recruitment procedure and the grades only help graduates pass the first round-resume selecting. In the latter latter是形容词啊，而且你前面并没有并列什么事物，怎么会出现后者或后面呢，不如说in the rest rounds, the manager of the human resource department makes further communication/interview to determine your quality mentioned above, which all have nothing to do with your grades. That is to say, only grades can not ensure that graduates could find better jobs. Therefore, the arguer has to provide more evidence concerning the relationship between the grades and the result of securing jobs.

Finally, the suggestion that Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors immediately is half-baked这个词用在这里不好，一个是意思不对，还有一个是太口语化了，换成unconvincing. First of all, the new evaluation system indeed不要说的这么肯定，你并没有依据，应该是假设的口吻 helps improve the teaching effectiveness of professors. And through the evaluation procedure students could give their feedback to professors, which is a kind of communication between teachers and students. Instead of simply stopping student evaluation, Omega University should take some measures to improve it. What's more, Omega University has to supply more training programs to help its graduates find jobs successfully as do graduates from nearby Alpha University. For instance, Graduates could improve their interview skills through the speech training courses. Consequently, Omega University needs to do more to help its graduates in the employment market except你怎么能同意终止评价计划呢？ terminating student evaluation of professors.

To conclude, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the conclusion, the arguer must present more facts to prove that it is the evaluation that leads to/result in the 30% rise in the overall student grade averages. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to produce more evidence concerning that terminating student evaluation of professors could enable its graduates to secure better jobs.

错误找的大方向没有什么问题，但是你在分析的时候太注重一个假设的细节问题了，应该考虑更多的可能性，并且力求表述清楚。b3中罗列了各种可能的其他错误有必要再考虑一下顺序。
你的有些语言歧义很大，我不太了解是逻辑问题还是你的表达问题，建议多看看范文，argu的套路还是比较明显的，那样写出来会比较容易让人理解。
我还不太会打分，所以就直接帮你改错误了，不好意思啊~继续加油！！！
PS.下次需要互拍直接贴连接就可以了:p

[ Last edited by mreal on 2005-8-5 at 12:28 ]

peacockUID：2114612

谢谢 谢谢
第一次被拍就这么爽~~~