argument53 G-89-互助社-5日同主题写作(大家帮忙拍啊)

wzyuanUID: 170008

第一篇argu，帮忙拍啊
The arguer pointed out that increased levels of melatonin before birth will cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. He cited the study of a group of 25 infants as evidence. However, it relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.
    First of all, 25 is a rather a small number, compared to tens of thousands of babies in the world. The sample cannot represent the whole baby class. It is very possible that the majority of the 25 infants happened to be conceived in early autumn or they happened to be shy babies. That more than half of these children, which are only approximately 13, identified themselves as shy, perhaps, is also a coincidence. It is a fatal flaw. Thus, the following conclusion may totally wrong.
     If we assume the sample is representative, there are still other flaws in the argument. Can that infant who shows signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli is more likely to be conceived in early autumn definitely deduce that increase in melatonin before birth causes shyness. Probably not. The arguer failed to build the causal relationship. We cannot conclude before we collect all the relevant detailed information about the factors resulting in shyness. At least, it is entirely possible that there is another substance, which decreases in response to decreased daylight, that actually lead to the shyness of infants. Thus, arguer should present more evidence, such as that no hormone or other substance changes in pregnant woman except melatonin, to corroborate his contention.
     Besides, daylight is decreasing until midwinter. That is to say if it is true that melatonin results in the shyness of child, why these infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn, not the whole autumn and half of winter? This is doubtable. Thus, it is probably that it is not the melatonin but other hormone which will change in some way in early autumn because of the alteration of weather cause the shyness of baby.
     In sum, the conclusion is not well supported. To convince me that melatonin is the reason that cause infants being shy, more study should be made to ensure that the sample large enough to represent the whole. To better fix the conclusion, the arguer should present more information about other factors to make it clear that it is the melatonin not other hormone lead to the shyness of infant.(410words)

polymathUID: 179557

偶先帮你顶一个！已经改了4篇了！让我休息下！:L

polymathUID: 179557

今后发作文的时候最好将题目给出来，大家参看题目给你修改呀！:)

The arguer pointeds out that increased levels of melatonin before birth will cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. 加一句衔接的短语更好啊！To support this assertion,He cited the arguer citesthe study of a group of 25 infants as evidence. However, it relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.
复述应该是用一般现在时，请今后注意！
    First of all, 25 is a rather a small number怎么2个a?, compared to tens of thousands of babies in the world. The sample cannot represent the whole baby class. It is very possible that the majority of the 25 infants happened to be conceived in early autumn or they happened to be shy babies. That more than half of these children, which are only approximately 13, identified themselves as shy, perhaps, is also a coincidence. It is a fatal flaw. Thus, the following conclusion may totally wrong.
     If we 不要用if,换一下，Evenassume ingthe sample is representative, there are still other flaws in the argument. Can that infant who shows signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli is more likely to be conceived in early autumn definitely deduce that increase in melatonin before birth causes shyness. Probably not. The arguer failedfails to build the causal relationship. We cannot conclude before we collect all the relevant detailed information about the factors resulting in shyness. At least, it is entirely possible that there is another substance, which decreases in response to decreased daylight, that actually lead to the shyness of infants. Thus, arguer should present more evidence, such as that no hormone or other substance changes in pregnant woman except melatonin, to corroborate his contention.
     Besides, daylight is decreasing until midwinter. That is to say if it is true that melatonin results in the shyness of child, why these infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn, not the whole autumn and half of winter? This is doubtable. Thus, it is probably that it is not the melatonin but other hormone which will change in some way in early autumn because of the alteration of weather cause the shyness of baby.这个错误批的很好！偶写的时候都忘记了！赞！   
    In sum, the conclusion is not well supported. To convince me that melatonin is the reason that cause infants being shy, more study should be made to ensure that the sample large enough to represent the whole. To better fix the conclusion, the arguer should present more information about other factors to make it clear that it is the melatonin not other hormone lead to the shyness of infant.(410words)

总评：总体写的不错！第2段需要再修改一下！注意转述的时态和句子之间的衔接！继续努力！:)