argument147 G-89的同主题写作 欢迎指正！

hwyireneUID：200039

限时的，不过字数太多，不得不超了一点。感觉在结构上有点头重脚轻，希望大家多多批评：）:handshake

-----题目------
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'
------正文------
In this editorial in a business magazine, the author asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to enjoy a rapid increase in the following weeks. To justify his prediction the author refers to a recent survey which reflect the preference of the game plays that video games which have lifelike graphics are most popular, and accompanied by the a fact to further substantiate the author's conclusion, that the new-coming products of Whirlwind are just of this kind of games and an extensive advertising campaign has been directed toward its would-be consumers. Although seemingly logical at first glance, several crucial flaws in this editorial render it unpersuasive.

To begin with, on judging the trend of sales and carry out new methods to restore the sales, the author should first provide a entire and in-depth analysis of the causation of the decrease in sales. But as there are nothing about the factors which shed negative influence on the sales of games produced by Whirlwind, such as the intensive of the advertising, the quality of the games, or the price people can afford, so forth, we can not insist that it's the popularity of the games which contributes to the declining sales.

Even the analysis has already been performed, and the author is convincing that it's the popularity of the games among players which has decrease their interest in its games and causes the declining, under which condition he mentions the survey to study out the trend in game players, he fails to confirm us of the validity of the survey. Firstly, we have little information of the sample picked out to represent the whole group of players, and maybe there are only a small amount of player involved in the survey or they are most people who share similar appetite for games, which will both render the survey unrepresentative of the majority of game player. Or the questionnaire is design to tempt these players to give out certain answer, under which circumstance the result of the survey is not objective to strongly support the preference the article contends.

What's more, presumably that the survey is justly conducted and the conclusion made from it is valid, that such kind of games which share a property that they all have lifelike graphics, there still lack evidences that this kind of games produced by Whirlwind will enjoy a popularity among these players, for the games may be not rightly fit in their standards. Furthermore, in this editorial the author assumes that as the company directed extensive advertising campaign toward the people 10 to 25, who he beliefs are the most likely to play video games, these games will be welcome by this group of people. In fact, even if it is true that player during this age span are more indulged in video games, the author has no ground evidence that this age span coincides with the kind of people who prefer video games with lifelike graphics. Unless he rules out possibility that players between the age 10 to 25 are actually more interested in other kinds of games, the result of the advertising campaign will probably comes out as of limited effect.

In all, the author, without any analysis of the causation, relies on a specious survey which is to vague too provide many details, and thus unconvincing predicts the trend of the company’s sales. To find a solution to problem mention in the above of the editorial, a careful study of the true reason of the declining in sales should be the most important. And as for bolstering the conclusions of the survey, more details need to be offered and the objection of the survey be ensured. To better assess the prediction of the trend in video games, I suggest that a previous market analyzing be carried out so that the direction of advertising be clearly decided to enhance the sales.:handshake

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-8 at 13:16 ]

polymathUID：179557

帮你顶一个！加油啊！:)

polymathUID：179557

In this editorial in a business magazine不太必要,去掉!, the author asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to enjoy a rapid increase in the following weeks. To justify his prediction the author refers to a recent survey which reflect the preference of the game plays that video games which have lifelike graphics are most popular, and accompanied by the a fact to further substantiate the author's conclusion, the author futher relies on the evidence that that the new-coming products of Whirlwind are just of this kind of games and an extensive advertising campaign has been directed toward its would-be consumers. Although seemingly logical at first glance, several crucial flaws in this editorial render it unpersuasive.

To begin with, on judging the trend of sales and carry out new methods to restore the sales, the author should first provide a entire and in-depth analysis of the causation of the decrease in sales. But as there are nothing about the factors which shed negative influence on the sales of games produced by Whirlwind, such as the intensive of the advertising, the quality of the games, or the price people can afford, so forth, we can not insist that it's the popularity of the games which contributes to the declining sales.

Even the analysis has already been performed, and the author is convincing that it's the popularity of the games among players which has decrease their interest in its games and causes the declining, under which condition he mentions the survey to study out the trend in game players, he fails to confirm us of the validity of the survey. Firstly, we have little information of the sample picked out to represent the whole group of players, and maybe there are only a small amount of player involved in the survey or they are most people who share similar appetite for games, which will both render the survey unrepresentative of the majority of game player. Or the questionnaire is design to tempt these players to give out certain answer, under which circumstance the result of the survey is not objective to strongly support the preference the article contends.

What's more, presumablyeven assuming固定搭配更好些! that the survey is justly conducted and the conclusion made from it is valid, that such kind of games which share a property that they all have lifelike graphics, there still lack evidences that this kind of games produced by Whirlwind will enjoy a popularity among these players, for the games may be not rightly fit in their standards. Furthermore, in this editorial the author assumes that as the company directed extensive advertising campaign toward the people 10 to 25, who he beliefs are the most likely to play video games, these games will be welcome by this group of people. In fact, even if it is true that player during this age span are more indulged in video games, the author has no ground evidence that this age span coincides with the kind of people who prefer video games with lifelike graphics. Unless he rules out possibility that players between the age 10 to 25 are actually more interested in other kinds of games, the result of the advertising campaign will probably comes out as of limited effect.

In all, the author, without any analysis of the causation, relies on a specious survey which is to vague tootoo to 用反了吧? provide many details, and thusthereby unconvincing predictshis prediction of the trend of the company’s sales. To find a solution to problem mention in the above of the editorial, a careful study of the true reason of the declining in sales should be the most important. And as for bolstering the conclusions of the surveyTo bolster the conclusions , more details need to be offered and the objection of the survey be ensured. To better assess the prediction of the trend in video games, I suggest that a previous market analyzing be carried out so that the direction of advertising be clearly decided to enhance the sales

总评: 中间分析和论证的都很好!来头和结尾注意语言的简洁和凝练!很好的!继续加油!:victory::p