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issue196 G-89-互助社-8.8日同主题写作
Issue196 Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life.
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As we all known, technology is a two-edge sword. It resolves many problems as well as creates many other problems. Many people worry that it will threaten the quality of people’s life because of those problems it creates. As to me, I believe that technology will not menace our quality of life as long as we realize the drawbacks of it and use it with reason. 传统的开头方式,但观点明确,不错!
To begin with, we should admit that technology really solves many difficult problems we human beings face to(不需要TO,语法错误). For example, the refrigerator. Before it was invented, people couldn’t keep food fresh ,especially in summer. However, with the help of refrigerator, people don’t need to worry about the conservation of food any more. Another example is the telephone. In past time, people depend on letters to communicate people far away. It usually costs several days for a letter to reach the addressee. The main flaw is that it limits the instantaneousness of communication. However, with the help of telephone, people could communicate with people far away at any time if they want.(例子挺恰当的,但两个例子陈述方式可以变一下)
However, it is undeniable that technology creates a new problems while solve a problem in most time. Take refrigerator, the one mentioned above, as example again.(紧追不舍,好) The fluoride used in refrigerator result in a deleterious gas. When this gas spread into atmosphere , it will do harm to the Ozone layer and finally cause the depletion of the Ozone layer, which helps prevent excessive ultraviolet radiation, and thus the temperature on earth is not too high. However, because of the depletion of Ozone Layer, (没有强调是冰箱使用的原因)the temperature in Antarctic rises ,therefore the iceberg in this area thaw out and consequently the ocean level rises, which means a disaster to human beings. 例子陈述时最好不断扣紧求证对象,
这句有点突然,因为上面讲述的坏处好象还没坏到能自然引起下面的论述Because of the problems technology brings out, many people doubt that it may threaten or even damage our life.如何质疑没说清楚,转折太快 However technology is only an instrument, and it is human beings that actually solve or create varieties of problems.没说清楚,要有发展 Once people realize the danger of those problems they create, and take pains to reform them, those problems will ultimately be resolved. My example is again the refrigerator. After realizing the danger of fluoride , people invent the replacer of it and government ban the use of fluoride. Although the problem of Ozone Layer depletion still exists, it improves gradually and should be better in the future这几句话论述的好To sum up, technology is just an assistant methods to help people solve problems they encounter. It is unavoidable that the use of technology will bring out some other new problems, however this is the technology’s fault. People should realize the drawbacks of technology , strive to resolve the new problems in order to make the best use of technology and avoid its harmfulness.
感觉不太好修改了很长时间,还是觉得混乱没写清楚,各位拍拍砖.
总体感觉不错,例子叙述比较清楚,但感觉有点急,观点不错,发展欠一些 |
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