Argument34 近似的模考一次高频！熊熊互拍组

neo_athrunUID: 2111270

这次限时没有提前看文章，开写时现想，时间刚刚好写完~sigh~ 不少错误啊~
34Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore believe that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease in which the bones weaken significantly with age and that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors. But a long-term study of a large number of people has found that those who have consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are a symptom of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
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1. the study  is not representative enough to reflect the general situation.
2. the author neglects other factor also works.
3. a hasty generalization from fracture and osteoporosis.
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The arguer concludes that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis. In order to justify his conclusion, the author cites a long-term study, which shows that the people consuming dairy products throughout the years of the study  have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. After careful scrutiny, however, the statement reveals it lends little support to the conclusion with several logical flaws.

To begin with, from the quoted study, there is no sigh of  random procedure to demonstrate that the people selected in the study are representative enough to show the general situation. It is entire possible that this groups of people who have a higher rate of getting fractures for other causes. Perhaps these people have a wrong attitudes towards fractures. Because they think the effect of dairy products will prevent them from suffering fractures and are careless in daily life. Moreover, it is very likely that the group of people have consistently consumed dairy products also eat other food which may neutralize the effects of dairy products. No evidence is provided that what other thing they eat in their daily diet. In addition, the time range is also open to doubt. All the study takes one year to finish, however, the effect of dairy can not be obvious in just one month.

Secondly, the author neglects other factors that also can influence this kind of disease. As is concerned above, this disease is caused by the weaken bones because of the influence from age, environmental and genetic factors. Perhaps those people easy to get a fracture are mostly old people. Then their ages play a more important role rather than dairy products. It is also possible that the genes take the major effects. Maybe the higher rate of them results from their genes. Without providing those information, the arguer also can not make us convincing about his conclusion.

Finally, even the result of study is true, the arguer makes his conclusion too hastily. All the evidence provided can only reveal the relationship  between dairy products and fracture. However, being easy to get fracture does not necessarily indicate the same with osteoporosis, since osteoporosis contains many other kinds of symptoms that perhaps has no correlation with dairy products.

In sum, the mere fact that the arguer mentions is not convincing enough to support his conclusion. In order to justify the his assertion, he has to provide more information about the study to ensure its representative. Meanwhile, the arguer must take other factors also influence fracture into account. Finally, he can not make a hasty generalization between fracture and osteoporosis.
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Thanks for watching!
欢迎互拍！

yurong84UID: 2120087

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1. the study  is not representative enough to reflect the general situation.
2. the author neglects other factor also works.
3. a hasty generalization from fracture and osteoporosis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The arguer concludes that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis. In order to justify his conclusion, the author cites a long-term study, which shows that the people consuming dairy products throughout the years of the study  have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study（恩，比俺复述的清楚很多！）. After careful scrutiny, however, the statement reveals（statement自己是不能reveal的吧？） it lends little support（那里学来的好词？！收藏） to the conclusion with several logical flaws.

To begin with, from the quoted study, there is no sigh of  random procedure to demonstrate that the people selected in the study are representative enough to show the general situation. It is entire（entirely） possible that this groups(去掉s) of people who have a higher rate of getting fractures for other causes（people for other causes？怎么读也不通呵呵）. Perhaps these people have a wrong attitudes（又多了个s！） towards fractures. Because they think the effect of dairy products will prevent them from suffering fractures and are careless in daily life. Moreover, it is very likely that the group of people have consistently consumed dairy products also eat other food which may neutralize the effects of dairy products. No evidence is provided that what other thing they eat in their daily diet（没有证据说明他们还吃了什么别的东西？证据应该是支持论点的吧，改成information如何）. In addition, the time range is also open to doubt. All the study takes one year to finish, however, the effect of dairy can not be obvious in just one month.
（through the years,不止one year！谅你临时看题，情有可原啦）

Secondly, the author neglects other factors that also can influence this kind of disease. As is concerned above, this disease is caused by the weaken bones because of the influence from age, environmental and genetic factors. Perhaps those people easy to get a fracture are mostly old people. Then their ages play a more important role rather than dairy products. It is also possible that the genes take the major effects. Maybe the higher rate of them results from their genes（指代不清）. Without providing those information, the arguer also can not make us convincing（convincing是“令人信服”的意思） about his conclusion.

Finally, even the result of study is true, the arguer makes his conclusion too hastily. All the evidence provided can only reveal the relationship  between dairy products and fracture. However, being easy to get fracture does not necessarily indicate the same with osteoporosis, since osteoporosis contains many other kinds of symptoms that perhaps has（have） no correlation with dairy products. （这段话有点意犹未了~~~~）

In sum, the mere fact that the arguer mentions is not convincing enough to support his conclusion. In order to justify the his（？！） assertion, he has to provide more information about the study to ensure its representative. Meanwhile, the arguer must take other factors also influence fracture into account. Finally, he can not make a hasty generalization between fracture and osteoporosis.
（总结得不错！）
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姐夫30分钟内读题加写作能达到这种水平让我好惭愧
偶是先列提纲的555
用词也很丰富的值得我学习


不过~~~倒数第二段的论证还不太完善
而且像单复数、指代这样的纰漏以后要多多注意！

[ Last edited by yurong84 on 2005-8-10 at 20:52 ]