Issue121 Fantasy互改群，欢迎指教~~~

modeuxUID: 2107416

题目：
121、"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."

提纲：
1、人类的行为对于有些物种的灭绝难辞其咎。
2、人类和其他物种息息相关，生物的多样性对环境和人类都有益。
3、让步，有些缺乏适应性的物种必然被淘汰，无须拯救。

正文：
The author asserts that there is no need for society to cost a large amount of money and jobs to save endangered species, for the author ascribes the extinction of many species to natural processes, rather than human processes. In my point of view, however, we human inevitably have the responsibility to make great efforts in the salvation of some endangered species, and that is necessary and beneficial for us to do so.

In the first place, no one can deny that human factors are the primary causes of the extinction of some species. With the rapid development of industry and technology, human beings do much harm to the survival of many species and impel the extinction of some species. Firstly, human beings often massacre or destroy a mass of some species, merely for the exploitation of food, material or medicine. This directly and sharply lead to the rapid decrease number of the species. Secondly, human beings' over exploitation of forests and consequent spread of desert, deteriorate or destroy the habitat of many species. Last but not the least, many environmental pollution problems caused by human also do great harm to many species' living, the waste water from the factories poured into the river causes a great loss of the aquatic life; acid rain, soil erosion and global warming are also severe assaults to the circumstance for all the species. Due to the above mentioned reasons, human beings have caused a great threaten to many species' survival and they should restrict their wrong deeds to control the rapid species extinction.

In the second place, human beings are tightly related to all the other species, thus great species extinction also would bring serious influence even disaster to us. It is known to all that, even kind of animals or plants, including human beings, is a part of an entire food chain. Every part of the food chain is integral and indispensable, and each part is dependent on other elements in the chain. For example, if one kind of plant vanished, and there are no alternatives for the animal that depends on the plant for living, the animal may also in danger of distinction. By the same token, another animal that feed on above animal will also be in threaten. The vicious circle will finally lead to the demolishment of the whole food chain, and it is inevitable for human being to be bogged down to the predicament of insufficient food and material supply. On the contrary, if there are various species, even though one kind of species disappeared, the related species that are influenced may find other alternative species to maintain their livings and the food chain continues to work healthily. Therefore, the diversity of species would contribute to keep the integrity of the whole food chain, and ensure the stability of human beings' lives.

However, it is no denying that some species' extinction are caused by natural factors, which are the incompetence of the species and the natural selection function. It is the natural principle that incompetence species will be eliminated. Thus it is meaningless for human beings to make great efforts to save endangered species mentioned above, that is a waste of money and work. Even if human beings' salvation may help them to live longer, they will inevitable to be eliminated in recent future for their connatural incompetence and inadaptability to nature.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that human beings should realize the importance of the diversity of species, which is beneficial to the balance of the biosphere and human beings' lives. We should rectify the wrong deeds that accelerate the species distinction and put emphasis on the salvation of endangered species.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-23 at 23:59 ]

flealdaUID: 2118390

The author asserts that there is no need for society to cost a large amount of money and jobs to save endangered species, for the author ascribes the extinction of many species to natural processes, rather than human processes. (这样用自己的话修改背景大牛们说可以得高分哦)In my point of view, however, we human inevitably have the responsibility to make great efforts in the salvation of some endangered species, and that is necessary and beneficial for us to do so(我觉得句子太长,可改为which is...,把逗号和and去掉).

In the first place, no one can deny that human factors are the primary causes of the extinction of some species. With the rapid development of industry and technology, human beings do much harm to the survival of many species and impel the extinction of some species. Firstly, human beings often massacre or destroy a mass of some species(重复了,改为some of them), merely for the exploitation of food, material or medicine. This directly and sharply lead to the rapid decrease(in) number of the species. Secondly, human beings' over exploitation of forests and consequent spread of desert, deteriorate or destroy the habitat of many species. Last but not the least, many environmental pollution problems caused by human also do great harm to many species' living, the waste water from the factories poured into the river causes a great loss of the aquatic life; acid rain, soil erosion and global warming are also severe assaults to the circumstance for all the species. Due to the above mentioned reasons, human beings have caused a great threaten to many species' survival and they should restrict their wrong deeds to control the rapid species extinction.(这一段的结构层次非常清晰,论证语言也很有逻辑,就是first和second差点小例子,不如最后一个小论点有力)

In the second place, human beings are tightly related to all the other species, thus great species extinction also would bring serious influence even disaster to us. It is known to all that, even(every?) kind of animals or plants, including human beings, is a part of an entire food chain. Every part of the food chain is integral and indispensable, and each part is dependent on other elements in the chain. For example, if one kind of plant vanished, and there are no alternatives for the animal that depends on the plant for living, the animal may also in danger of distinction. By the same token, another animal that feed on above animal will also be in threaten.(这个可否用具体例子,不然this animal that plant 会把人搞昏的:D) The vicious circle will finally lead to the demolishment of the whole food chain, and it is inevitable for human being to be bogged down to the predicament of insufficient food and material supply.(这句话超棒) On the contrary, if there are various species, even though one kind of species disappeared, the related species that are influenced may find other alternative species to maintain their livings and the food chain continues to work healthily. Therefore, the diversity of species would contribute to keep the integrity of the whole food chain, and ensure the stability of human beings' lives.

However, it is no denying that some species' extinction are caused by natural factors, which are the incompetence of the species and the natural selection function. It is the natural principle that incompetence species will be eliminated. Thus it is meaningless for human beings to make great efforts to save(+all the) endangered species mentioned above, that is a waste of money and work(这句话太绝对了,是不是完全否认了你上述的观点?+all the是不是就好些?). Even if human beings' salvation may help them to live longer, they will inevitable to be eliminated in recent future for their connatural incompetence and inadaptability to nature.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that human beings should realize the importance of the diversity of species, which is beneficial to the balance of the biosphere and human beings' lives. We should rectify the wrong deeds that accelerate the species distinction and put emphasis on the salvation of endangered species.
.

很佩服作者的词汇量,可以用多种形式不同的说法来讲同一个词. 这篇文章除了少数几个地方有点小问题外,整体来说很优秀,楼主真的是45分钟写出来的么?呵呵:)

[ Last edited by flealda on 2005-8-23 at 22:55 ]

modeuxUID: 2107416

好的，还请指教~~~
刚改了你的作文，改了好多错别字，呵呵~~~打字的时候打慢点喔~~~

fancingUID: 208191

The author asserts that there is no need for society to cost a large amount of money and jobs to save endangered species, for the author ascribes the extinction of many species to natural processes, rather than human processes. In my point of view, however, we human inevitably have the responsibility to make great efforts in the salvation of some endangered species, and that is necessary and beneficial for us to do so.

In the first place, no one can deny that human factors are the primary causes of the extinction of some species. With the rapid development of industry and technology, human beings do much harm to the survival of many species and impel the extinction of some species. Firstly, human beings often massacre or destroy a mass of some species, merely for the exploitation of food, material or medicine. This directly and sharply lead to the rapid decrease number of the species. Secondly, human beings' over exploitation of forests and consequent spread of desert可不可以用increasingly severe desertification, deteriorate or destroy the habitat of many species. Last but not the least, many environmental pollution problems caused by human also do great harm to many species' living, the waste water from the factories poured into the river causes a great loss of the aquatic life; acid rain, soil erosion and global warming are also severe assaults to the circumstance for all the species. Due to the above mentioned reasons, human beings have caused a great threaten threat to many species' survival and they should restrict their wrong deeds to control the rapid species extinction.

In the second place, human beings are tightly related to all the other species, thus great species extinction also 可以不用also吧 would bring serious influence even disaster to us. It is known to all that, even kind of animals or plants, including human beings, is a part of an entire food chain. Every part of the food chain is integral and indispensable, and each part is dependent on other elements in the chain. For example, if one kind of plant vanished, and there are no alternatives for the animal that depends on the plant for living, the animal may also in danger of distinction. By the same token, another animal that feed on above animal will also be in threaten threat or danger. The vicious circle will finally lead to the demolishment of the whole food chain, and it is inevitable for human being to be bogged down to the predicament of insufficient food and material supply. On the contrary, if there are various species, even though one kind of species disappeared, the related species that are influenced may find other alternative species to maintain their livings and the food chain continues to work healthily. Therefore, the diversity of species would contribute to keep the integrity of the whole food chain, and ensure the stability of human beings' lives.

However, it is no denying that some species' extinction are is caused by natural factors, which are the incompetence of the species and the natural selection function. It is the natural principle that incompetence species will be eliminated. Thus it is meaningless for human beings to make great efforts to save endangered species mentioned above, that is a waste of money and work. Even if human beings' salvation may help them to live longer, they will inevitable to be eliminated in recent future for their connatural incompetence and inadaptability to nature.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that human beings should realize the importance of the diversity of species, which is beneficial to the balance of the biosphere and human beings' lives. We should rectify the wrong deeds that accelerate the species distinction and put emphasis on the salvation of endangered species.

语言蛮流畅的，条理也很清晰，有些标出来的我也不太确定。
嗯，我可以把我文章最后一点删了，然后把你的第一点加在前面，呵呵

modeuxUID: 2107416

Originally posted by fancing at 2005-8-23 21:11
嗯，我可以把我文章最后一点删了，然后把你的第一点加在前面，呵呵

你的文章的最后一点，就是让步段，我在你的帖子里也提到的
就是按ETS的要求，在提出论点之后，一定要展开加以阐述说明
如果提了没展开，阅卷的就会认为你逻辑不严
所以写不出来或者来不及写，干脆就不写了
其实也简单，举个小例子就可以了。

flealdaUID: 2118390

Originally posted by modeux at 2005-8-23 21:24


你的文章的最后一点，就是让步段，我在你的帖子里也提到的
就是按ETS的要求，在提出论点之后，一定要展开加以阐述说明
如果提了没展开，阅卷的就会认为你逻辑不严
所以写不出来或者来不及写，干脆就不写了 ...

这是真的吗?那让步到底放开头段后面还是结尾段前面好呢?
请指教:lol

kionaUID: 207479

The author asserts that there is no need for society to cost a large amount of money and jobs to save endangered species, for the author ascribes the extinction of many species to natural processes, rather than human processes. In my point of view, however, we human inevitably have the responsibility to make great efforts in the salvation of some endangered species, and that is necessary and beneficial for us to do so.

In the first place, no one can deny that human factors are the primary causes of the extinction of some species. With the rapid development of industry and technology, human beings do much harm to the survival of many species and impel the extinction of some species. Firstly, human beings often massacre or destroy a mass of some species, merely for the exploitation of food, material or medicine. This directly and sharply lead to the rapid decrease number of the species. Secondly, human beings' over exploitation of forests and （我觉得应该加the）consequent spread of desert, deteriorate or destroy the habitat of many species. Last but not the least, many environmental pollution problems caused by human also do great harm to many species' living, the waste water from the factories poured into the river causes a great loss of the aquatic life; acid rain, soil erosion and global warming are also severe assaults to the circumstance for all the species. Due to the above mentioned (above-mentioned，用word纠错时，它说最好用这个合成词 reasons, human beings have caused a great threaten to many species' survival and they should restrict their wrong deeds to control the rapid species extinction.

In the second place, human beings are tightly related to all the other species, thus great species extinction also would bring serious influence even disaster to us. It is known to all that, even kind of animals or plants, including human beings, is (主谓一致，改成are) a part of an entire food chain. Every part of the food chain is integral and indispensable, and each part is dependent on other elements in the chain. For example, if one kind of plant vanished, and there are no alternatives for the animal that depends on the plant for living, the animal may also in danger of distinction. By the same token, another animal that feed on above animal will also be in threaten. The vicious circle will finally lead to the demolishment of the whole food chain, and it is inevitable for human being to be bogged down to the predicament of insufficient food and material supply. On the contrary, if there are various species, even though one kind of species disappeared, the related species that are influenced may find other alternative species to maintain their livings and the food chain continues to work healthily. Therefore, the diversity of species would contribute to keep the integrity of the whole food chain, and ensure the stability of human beings' lives.

However, it is no denying that some species' extinction are （同样的问题，主谓一致，改成is） caused by natural factors, which are the incompetence of the species and the natural selection function. It is the natural principle that incompetence species will be eliminated. Thus it is meaningless for human beings to make great efforts to save endangered species mentioned above, that is a waste of money and work. Even if human beings' salvation may help them to live longer, they will inevitable to be eliminated in recent future for their connatural incompetence and inadaptability to nature.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that human beings should realize the importance of the diversity of species, which is beneficial to the balance of the biosphere and human beings' lives. We should rectify the wrong deeds that accelerate the species distinction and put emphasis on the salvation of endangered species.

行文比较流畅，作者的立场是“大正小负”。但是，我觉得最主要的问题是：楼主有点跑题（个人意见，不要打我），题目的意思是：在过去不同的地质时期，许多的物种因为自然作用而非人类行为而灭绝，人类为了挽救濒危物种付出巨大的努力，尤其是以资金和工作机会为代价是毫无道理的！因此，我个人认为，重点应该放在后半部分，就是说值不值得付出巨大代价保护，而不是应不应该保护（至于应不应该保护，作者说得很清楚，即：我们应该保护濒危物种，减少它们的灭绝），文章应该至少有一段来写经济的问题，比如说：我们应该根据自身的经济利益来做出某种物种需要挽救，就是说，某个物种的挽救需要花费的金钱和投入的人员越多，我们对其考虑就应该越少！

最后，作者应注意：主谓一致，在文章中犯同类错误两次！

kionaUID: 207479

对了，楼主发帖格式有问题，如果发帖格式正确，说不准能得到大牛们的修改哦！具体格式请看置顶帖子！

meteor18_leeUID: 189655

我个人认为，这个题整个的逻辑，如果前半部分有错，就可以像LZ这样写，强调了是人类造成的灭绝，该保护，也是很扣题的！如果了解这个past的地质年代的概念的话，这个是很值得一写的。
能看看我的吗，虽然字数严重超了，希望看看我这样论的有没有道理！
issue121 ：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=325424

[ Last edited by meteor18_lee on 2005-8-24 at 03:07 ]

modeuxUID: 2107416

Originally posted by flealda at 2005-8-23 23:14
这是真的吗?那让步到底放开头段后面还是结尾段前面好呢?
请指教:lol

个人是觉得让步放在后面比较好吧
按中国人的思维，是先让步之后再说出自己观点
老美的逻辑思维不一样，他们喜欢在说完自己观点之后再让步，显得逻辑严密

而且毕竟主要观点不是让步的内容嘛~~~

modeuxUID: 2107416

Originally posted by flealda at 2005-8-23 20:18
很佩服作者的词汇量,可以用多种形式不同的说法来讲同一个词. 这篇文章除了少数几个地方有点小问题外,整体来说很优秀,楼主真的是45分钟写出来的么?呵呵

现在写都没有限时的，我9月15号考AW，所以计划9月之后再开始限时。
现在写的时候每一句都要斟酌半天，所以写的很慢~~~

flealdaUID: 2118390

我觉得LZ没有偏题
期待你24号的作业哦
:D