argument1 V6 尽量摆脱280模版ing

mkb57288UID: 2105771

Argument 1
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：29分50秒     425 words
从2005年7月24日14时38分到2005年7月24日15时29分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
'Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.'
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In this memorandum, the author assumes that the local residents in Plainville are highly concerned with healthy lives as well as that new store can necessarily enjoy a profit in the places, where individuals pay much attention to health. The author, however, provides no substantial evidence about such crucial assumptions mentioned above, which render the argument not convincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to convince me that local residents are really concerned with leading healthy lives, which is definitely the premise of the author's claim about the profitability. The fact that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs is little indication to the concern with healthy lives. For it is entirely possible that people choose that clothing just because of its lower price or the fickle fashion. Similarly, popularity of local health club does not necessarily ensures the profitability of new store in Plainsville. Perhaps, the club thrives mainly because of its role as a single club rather than a healthy one. Further more, the participation in afitness for life program can hardly reflect the local attitude to health, for it may be a compulsory one that children must involve in no matter they have interest or not. In short, without reliable and direct evidence that the local residents are highly concerned with healthy lives, it is impossible to evaluate the author's claim that the new store in Plainsville would be profitable.

Even assuming that such club and clothing are popular because they represent a healthy life style, the author cannot claim confidently that the new store there will be profitable. Because he or she fails to preclude the possibility that local residents' interest of healthy lives is strictly confined within club and clothing and have little interest in the production provided by Nature's Way. If so, the profitability of the proposed new store is unwarranted.

Last but not least, even if the residents are interested in products that Nature's way sells, by ignoring the possible existence of competent competitors, the author cannot take the conceived profitability under granted. It is also entirely possible that the in local market of such products have been surplus. And stores selling such productions are in the trouble of deficit due to the rampant competition. Moreover, as we know, the profit is the function of both revenue and cost. Even assuming the new store in Plainsville excels in terms of sale, the high cost of opening a new store there--such as rent and tax, would severely offset the conceived profit.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-24 at 22:41 ]

mkb57288UID: 2105771

在努力的摆脱280的模版，不知道有没有把话说清楚，大家看看吧
另外不知道各位怎么看待argument的结尾，个人觉得像280那么写的话，结尾纯属鸡肋，但是ETS的范文行文比较自由，有没有办法把握

ttzoeUID: 202809

我怎么觉得这篇没有结尾呢？
其他的错误批判没有什么问题，但是最后是不还是总结一下，即便不用280的方式，队长，你觉得呢？
argu我也觉得有点晕，除了用280那种以外，还没有找到好的方法

iceoolongUID: 180112

个人也比较同意ttzoe的看法，这篇就是没有结尾啊....
感觉应该至少总结一下，虽然很多结尾都形势化了，但没有总结还是不太好吧
不过范文里面确实结尾比较随意，5分好像有的看不出结尾，但6分是不是都有啊
另外最后两部分都是讲的利润，只不过是收入和支出两个部分，不知道合起来好不好
最后一个部分里面还提到了the profit is a function of revenue and cost，接着从两个方面来讲，是不是好一点，（只是感觉，可以讨论下）

mkb57288UID: 2105771

这一篇是限时之内没有写完结尾，也就这样自发上来让大家看看，顺便讨论一下这个结尾的问题

mrealUID: 201732

但从句式上来看没有什么特别的啊，我觉得你也不用太刻意的避免使用模版，你只要注意不刻意的去用就应该没有问题的，argu这种形式化很强的作文，个人感觉应该不会轻易判雷同的。而且结尾我觉得一定要有的，不论是长是短，至少表明你的思路是完整的，而且你能够很好的掌握考试时间。错误的分析是最重要的，句式上和套路上的类似我觉得应该可以接受。

mkb57288UID: 2105771

确实，看了一下ets 的6分范文都是有结尾的，汗。。。