argument147 习作，请多多指教！

jogingUID: 2124905

argument 147 习作，请多多指教！

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

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    In the editorial, the author predicts that the sales of Whirl Wind video games will increase dramatically in next few months, though they have declined over the past two years. To support the claims, the author sites the result of a survey which shows that most video game players believe that lifelike graphics are the most important features of video games. The author also offers the evidence that the company has designed new game product with high graphic quality and they have prepared advertisements directing at people 10 to 25 years old. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which renders it unconvincing as it stands.
   First of all, the author’s claims are based on the survey which shows that players prefer games which provide lifelike graphics; however, the author fails to provide evidence that the players involved in the survey are from the main target consumers of the company’s game produce. It’s entirely possible that the main consumers of the company hold different opinions with the forgoing survey result, considering there are a variety of subdivisions in the video games. For example, they may be more interested in the charming scenarios of a game.
   Secondly, even if the assumption that graphic quality is the dominant feature of a video game, the author can not hastily attribute the frustration of sail to it. Absent evidence to support the conclusion, the argument leaves open the possibility that the declination is caused by other factors instead of the quality of picture, for instance, the whole industry of video games have been experiencing a severe depression since two years ago, and it’s difficult for any such sort of company to keep a excellent market performance. Another possible reason is that the price of games produces by Whirl Wind is too high for the players to afford. If the main factor accounting for the former failure has nothing to do with the quality of picture, the improvement in picture quality seems to be useless to change present unsatisfying condition.
   Thirdly, the in claiming that the extensive advertising campaign directing at people at 10 to 25 years old will help to increase the sales, the author makes a further assumption that people in such age group are more likely to purchase their games. However, the author provides no information to justify the assumption. I concede that people at such age group are more apt to be appealed by games; however, there is also a possibility that they are not the people who indeed buy the games, and what usually played by them are free games, in that young people have no money to consume this kind of video games. In such case, the company should carry out a survey to find their target consumers.
   Finally, even if the author manages to substantiate the all the foregoing assumptions, the prediction that a dramatic increase will happen in few months is too hasty to be persuasive. It’s possible that the customers, occupied by other video games, need a longer period to accept the new games produced by Whirl Wind.
   In conclusion, the argument is undermined by the unjustified assumptions. To strengthen it, the author should provide more detail information about survey, the analysis about the reason why the declination happened in the past two years, and the evidence that the main consumers are those at 10 to 25 years old.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-27 at 09:42 ]

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

argument 147 习作，请多多指教！

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

------------------------------
    In the editorial, the author predicts that the sales of Whirl Wind video games will increase dramatically in next few months, though they have declined over the past two years. To support the claims, the author sites the result of a survey which shows that most video game players believe that lifelike graphics are the most important features of video games. The author also offers the evidence that the company has designed new game product with high graphic quality and they have prepared advertisements directing at people 10 to 25 years old. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which renders it unconvincing as it stands.[开头太复杂，即浪费时间又无用，请看精华区imong的一篇关于开头的大做]
   First of all, the author’s claims are based on the survey which shows that players prefer games which provide lifelike graphics; however, the author fails to provide evidence that the players involved in the survey are from the main target consumers of the company’s game produce. It’s entirely possible that the main consumers of the company hold different opinions with the forgoing survey result, considering there are a variety of subdivisions in the video games. For example, they may be more interested in the charming scenarios of a game.[调查主要攻击：是否有代表性，是国家范围内的，还是某个地区的，参与者的身份，性别，年龄等，另外，是否调查者对调查的响应情况，本段论述的不太好]   

Secondly, even if the assumption that graphic quality is the dominant feature of a video game, the author can not hastily attribute the frustration of sail to it. Absent evidence to support the conclusion, the argument leaves open the possibility that the declination is caused by other factors instead of the quality of picture, for instance, the whole industry of video games have been experiencing a severe depression since two years ago, and it’s difficult for any such sort of company to keep a excellent market performance. Another possible reason is that the price of games produces by Whirl Wind is too high for the players to afford. If the main factor accounting for the former failure has nothing to do with the quality of picture, the improvement in picture quality seems to be useless to change present unsatisfying condition.

   Thirdly, the in claiming that the extensive advertising campaign directing at people at 10 to 25 years old will help to increase the sales, the author makes a further assumption that people in such age group are more likely to purchase their games. However, the author provides no information to justify the assumption. I concede that people at such age group are more apt to be appealed by games; however, there is also a possibility that they are not the people who indeed buy the games, and what usually played by them are free games, in that young people have no money to consume this kind of video games. In such case, the company should carry out a survey to find their target consumers.
   Finally, even if the author manages to substantiate the all the foregoing assumptions, the prediction that a dramatic increase will happen in few months is too hasty to be persuasive. It’s possible that the customers, occupied by other video games, need a longer period to accept the new games produced by Whirl Wind.
   In conclusion, the argument is undermined by the unjustified assumptions. To strengthen it, the author should provide more detail information about survey, the analysis about the reason why the declination happened in the past two years, and the evidence that the main consumers are those at 10 to 25 years old.

有点事情，明天继续改

jogingUID: 2124905

谢谢，先！