Argument65 谢谢拍转~

@amy@UID: 209096

题目
Argument65 The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

翻译： 很多年来我们的所有连锁店都储备了很多种类的国产奶酪和进口奶酪。然而去年，我们的最新店里五种销量最高的奶酪都是威斯康星出产的cheddar奶酪。而且，最近一次由Cheese of the World杂志所举行的调查显示，其订阅者对于国产奶酪的倾向性越来越高。由于我们公司可以通过限制库存来减少开支，在我们所有连锁店增加盈利的最好方式就是停止贮备很多进口奶酪而主要集中于国产奶酪。

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提纲
（1）只是在新店销量最高的是国产奶酪这个事实不能说明什么问题，因为不具有普遍性，销量高的原因也值得研究，有可能是新店有促销活动，这种国产奶酪价格比较低，或者新店是开在消费水平较低的地区。而且那是去年的统计，也许今年的统计结果已经不同。
（2） 杂志的调查结果不能作为证据。结果是否真实？有没有受到奶酪厂商的影响？调查人数、范围？等等。而且杂志订阅者不能代表全部消费者。
（3）停止销售一些进口奶酪，很可能会损失很多消费者，这样带来的损失有可能比通过限制库存节省的开支多，这样盈利反而会下降。

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字数： 461 words
时间： 提纲（5分钟）+正文（45分钟）= 50分钟
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正文
In this argument, the president of the chain of cheese stores suggests to improve profits in all of the cheese stores by discontinue stocking many of the imported cheese and concentrating mainly on domestic chesses. He gives out three facts to support his suggestion. The first one is that last year the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheeses; the second one is that a recent survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine show its subscribers more and more prefer for domestic cheeses; the third one is that to limit inventory can reduce expenses. The president's evidences seem reasonable and enough, but after careful examinations, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, the statistical result of new store cannot prove anything because it does not have universality. Moreover, the reason for good-selling of Wisconsin cheddar cheeses also need to be considered seriously. It is highly possible that the newest store or the manufacturer of Wisconsin cheddar cheeses performed some sales promotions activities and those kinds of cheeses were sold at very low price, which resulted in high sales. It is also likely that the newest store locates at a relative poor area where most people can only afford cheap domestic cheeses. In addition, the statistical result is last year's result and this year the result maybe have changed greatly. Thus, the first fact the president depends on is untenable.

Secondly, the magazine's survey is also doubtable. The survey is not conducted by authoritative organization, so we have to suspect if the survey result is true and whether the survey has been influenced by the manufacturers. Besides, the information about the survey, such as the number of surveyed people, the number or respondents, the survey scale, and etc, is not provided. What is more, the magazine's subscribers cannot represent all consumers because the subscribers maybe very few or mainly from similar estate. Consequently, the second fact also cannot be convincing evidence.

Finally, the president only considered that to limit inventory can save expenses and failed to regard the possible result that to stop selling many imported cheeses also will loss many customers, which will cause the loss of incomes. One possible case is that the lost incomes are even more that the save expenses, thus the profits even will reduce.

To sum up, the president's suggestion is hard to persuade others because all the three evidences he provides are doubtful and baseless. To make his suggestion more convincing, he has to take the facets discussed above into account, that is, to study the genuine reason for the new store's statistical result, to give out more information about the magazine's survey, and to prove that to stop selling imported cheese can really improve profits.

yogurt4UID: 198389

周三给你.......汗.............

@amy@UID: 209096

顶一下:lol

yogurt4UID: 198389

对不起啊对不起
我记错人了,还以为是欠智恩的作文呢:(

我记得的 不过这两天有点忙
先等等啊


TERRIBLEY SORRY:(

@amy@UID: 209096

;P 原来是这样啊，嘿嘿，我说我怎么有点困惑呢，呵呵
谢谢酸奶~~

yogurt4UID: 198389

In this argument, the president of the chain of cheese stores suggests to improve profits in all of the cheese stores by discontinue stocking many of the imported cheese and concentrating mainly on domestic chesses. He gives out three facts to support his suggestion. The first one is that last year the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheeses; the second one is that a recent survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine show its subscribers more and more prefer for domestic cheeses; the third one is that to limit inventory can reduce expenses. The president's evidences seem reasonable and enough, but after careful examinations, we can find out several flaws as follows.
兰色的字都不要，考管比你跟熟悉题目，所以不要restate题目。阿狗参考区有很多这个讨论，可以看看。开头指出题目的结论就OK了，省时间写后面的。

First of all, the statistical result of new store cannot prove anything because it does not have universality说的更具体一点，statistics from only one store can not represent the sales of all the stores 这里还没解释怎么就moreover了？ . Moreover, the reason for good-selling of Wisconsin cheddar cheeses also need to be considered seriously. It is highly possible that the newest store or the manufacturer of Wisconsin cheddar cheeses performed some sales promotions activitiespromotions/promotion activities such as lowing the price of Wisconsin cheddar cheeses and those kinds of cheeses were sold at very low price, which resulted in high sales. It is also likely that the newest store locates at a relative poor area  an area with relatively low purchasing power低购买力  where most people can only afford cheap domestic cheeses. very good point!  In addition, the statistical result is last year's result and this year the result maybe have changed greatly Even granted the presented statistics can represent all the cheese stores, the cheese selling situation may vary greatly from that of last year. Thus, the first fact the president depends on is untenable.

本地奶酪卖的好不代表进口奶酪就卖的不好了，这个也可以拿来说。
段落结尾的时候不要用fact is untenable.首先，这是句空话，没有体现题目的内容。其次，fact已经是事实了，还站不住脚么？攻击理由找的不错，句子可以再精练一点。

Secondly, the magazine's survey is also doubtable. The survey is not conducted by authoritative organization 这个不好，非要是权威机构做的SURVEY才是有效的么, so we have to suspect if the survey result is true and whether the survey has been influenced by the manufacturers是否客观，这个理由陈述换一下. Besides, the information about the survey, such as the number of surveyed people, the number or respondents, the survey scale, and etc, is not provided. so what? What is more, the magazine's subscribers cannot represent all consumers because the subscribers maybe very few or mainly from similar estate geographical places . Consequently, the second fact also cannot be convincing evidence.

BESIDES的地方仅仅指出了题目的错误而没有攻击。Survey的人数是多少，太小没有说服力。即使采访的人数够多，是否varied enough了？来自不同地区，不同年龄层。。。。。。即使采访有效，也不真的就有那么多的人去买。PREFER是建立在什么标准之上？如果只是按照口味来做选择的话，本地奶酪要是卖的比进口奶酪贵，人们也不一定买了。

Finally, the president only considered consider就可以的说 that to limit inventory can save expenses and failed to regard the possible result that to stop selling many imported cheeses also will will also loss many customers, which will cause the loss of incomes. One possible case is that the lost incomes are even more that the save expenses, thus the profits even will will even reduce.

这一段平平

To sum up, the president's suggestion is hard to persuade others because all the three evidences 这个词不可数好象 he provides are doubtful and baseless. To make his suggestion more convincing, he has to take the facets discussed above into account, that is, to study the genuine reason for the new store's statistical result, to give out more information about the magazine's survey, and to prove that to stop selling imported cheese can really improve profits.



错误都找出来了，但是没有反驳清楚。段内衔接不好，读起来不连贯。
有很多阿狗的官方语言用的不够熟。很多地方怪怪的。比如：does not have universality= =
语言不够简洁。还有的地方有比较弱的语法错误。
总的来说还是不错的。加油的说

yogurt4UID: 198389

这个题目不是阿狗里面的典型
看看就可以了

andrew_logUID: 2143961

问问yourgurt 斑斑,
哪个题目是比较典型的argu啊, 想拿来分析分析

百万个感谢啊:);P

yogurt4UID: 198389

原帖由 andrew_log 于 2006-1-14 16:58 发表
问问yourgurt 斑斑,
哪个题目是比较典型的argu啊, 想拿来分析分析

百万个感谢啊:);P

错误是递进式的就比较难写
像这个题目里面,卖的最好的数据和杂志调查没有什么明显的关系
错误是并列的
所以不典型,写的没有前一种费力

bayern_scienceUID: 2102974

原帖由 yogurt4 于 2006-1-14 17:08 发表

错误是递进式的就比较难写
像这个题目里面,卖的最好的数据和杂志调查没有什么明显的关系
错误是并列的
所以不典型,写的没有前一种费力

个人觉得写递进式的更容易写出有说服力的文章。换句话说就是写递进式的更容易拿6分！可惜我当时没遇上。:L

@amy@UID: 209096

谢谢酸奶，一会儿就修改，嘿嘿~~