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[a习作temp] Argument131 [复制链接]

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发表于 2006-1-11 17:46:35 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
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Argument131 The following appeared in an environmental newsletter published in Tria Island.

"The marine sanctuary on Tria Island was established to protect certain marine mammals. Its regulations ban dumping and offshore oil drilling within 20 miles of Tria, but fishing is not banned. Currently many fish populations in Tria's waters are declining, a situation blamed on pollution. In contrast, the marine sanctuary on Omni Island has regulations that ban dumping, offshore oil drilling, and fishing within 10 miles of Omni and Omni reports no significant decline in its fish populations. Clearly, the decline in fish populations in Tria's waters is the result of overfishing, not pollution. Therefore, the best way to restore Tria's fish populations and to protect all of Tria's marine wildlife is to abandon our regulations and adopt those of Omni."

翻译:Tria岛的海洋生物禁猎区是用来保护某些海洋哺乳动物的。它禁止在Tria20英里以内倾倒废物和近海采油,但捕鱼并不禁止。当前Tria水域的很多种鱼类数量都在下降,这种现象被认为是污染造成的。相比之下,Omni岛的海洋生物禁猎区禁止倾倒废物、近海采油和在Omni10英里以内捕鱼,Omni没有上报任何鱼类数量的显著下降。显然,Tria水域鱼类数量的下降是过度捕鱼而不是污染造成的。因此,回复Tria鱼类数量和保护Tria所有海洋野生动物的最好办法就是废止我们的规定而采用Omni的规定。  

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提纲
(1)没有说明鱼类数量下降持续多长时间了,是真的鱼类大量死亡或者被捕捞了,还是在这段时间鱼类自然迁徙到别的地方了。也有可能最近发生了自然灾害,导致了水质污染。
(2)如果鱼类数量真的下降了,没有证据说明不是污染造成的,虽然规定了20英里内不能倾倒废物和采油,可规定真的被严格遵守了吗?而且也有可能在20英里外采油,污染物漂了进来。
(3)虽然Omni没有上报,可并不一定它们就没有同样的情况。Tria和Omni的情况不一定一样,所以不能完全照搬。
(4)Tria原来的规定是为了保护哺乳动物的,如果用了Omni的规定,那么在10海里和20海里之间的哺乳动物就不能被保护了。

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字数:412 words    今天晚上公司聚餐,字数写得少了点:lol
时间:提纲(10分钟)+正文(40分钟)= 50分钟
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正文
In this argument, the arguer suggests Tria Island to abandon their current regulations and adopt those of Omni in order to protect all of Tria's marine wildlife and stop the decreasing trend of Tria's fish populations. He supports his suggestion by the fact that currently Tria's fish population is declining with the current regulations, while Omni does not report significant decline in its fish populations. His suggestion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as following.

Firstly, the arguer does show how long the decreasing trend has last and whether the fishes are really killed or fished by people. It is possible that fishes migrate to other water area to lay eggs or find foods during this season according to the order of nature, then the trend need not to be worried about and the fishes will back later. It is also possible that there was nature disaster occurred that polluted the water of Tria Island. Under this circumstance, to adopt Omni's regulations also will not work.

Secondly, granted that the fish populations are truly declining, there is no evidence to prove that the phenomenon is not caused by pollution. Although Tria ban dumping and offshore oil drilling, are the regulations abided strictly? The answer is not certain. Moreover, it is likely that people drill oil besides 20 miles, but the leaked oil floats into the offshore area and kills the fishes. Consequently, whether the situation can blame on pollution need to be considered again.

Thirdly, although Omni does not report decline in its fish populations, is it the true situation? Maybe the government of Omni disguises the fact purposely. What is more, the marine environment of Tria and Omni maybe not the same, so just to imitate the Omni's behavior is not a wise decision?

Last but not the least, the current regulations of Tria is used to protect marine mammals. If adopting Omni's regulations, the range of area protected will be small, and then the marine mammals between 10 miles and 20 miles will loss protection. So the regulations should accord with the actual situation of Tria.

To sum up, the arguer is too cursory to make the suggestion because he only depends on the external and partial situations. To make his suggestion more convincing, he has to take the facets discussed above into account, that is, to study the genuine situation about fish populations and consider the difference between environment of Tria and Omni.
用心就不会错过...
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沙发
发表于 2006-1-13 01:01:01 |只看该作者
今天晚上公司聚餐,字数写得少了点?
原来amy都上班啦!呵呵

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板凳
发表于 2006-1-13 01:34:21 |只看该作者
提纲
(1)没有说明鱼类数量下降持续多长时间了,是真的鱼类大量死亡或者被捕捞了,还是在这段时间鱼类自然迁徙到别的地方了。也有可能最近发生了自然灾害,导致了水质污染。
(2)如果鱼类数量真的下降了,没有证据说明不是污染造成的,虽然规定了20英里内不能倾倒废物和采油,可规定真的被严格遵守了吗?这个思路好!而且也有可能在20英里外采油,污染物漂了进来。
(3)虽然Omni没有上报,可并不一定它们就没有同样的情况。Tria和Omni的情况不一定一样,所以不能完全照搬。
(4)Tria原来的规定是为了保护哺乳动物的,如果用了Omni的规定,那么在10海里和20海里之间的哺乳动物就不能被保护了。应该是10海里之外的海洋野生动物不能保护吧?
**********************************************************
字数:412 words    今天晚上公司聚餐,字数写得少了点
时间:提纲(10分钟)+正文(40分钟)= 50分钟
**********************************************************
正文
In this argument, the arguer suggests Tria Island to abandon their current regulations and adopt those of Omni in order to protect all of Tria's marine wildlife and stop the decreasing trend of Tria's fish populations. He The arguer supports his suggestion recommendation by the fact that currently Tria's fish population is declining with the current感觉跟前面的重复了,换个吧?recent/temporary regulations, while Omni does not report significant decline in its fish populations. His suggestion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as following.开头写的不错哦!

Firstly, the arguer does show how long the decreasing trend has last and whether the fishes are really killed or fished by people.其实我觉得被捕捞也是死,这里有点重复了,不如写成死法不一样吧:are really killed by disease or fished by people你觉得呢? It is possible that fishes migrate to other water area to lay eggs or find foods during this season according to the order of nature their nature, then the trend need not to be worried about there is no worry about this trend and the fishes will be back later. It is also possible that there was nature disaster这个词太重了,换成disease吧? occurred that polluted the water of Tria Island. Under this circumstance, to adopt Omni's regulations also will not work.感觉怪怪的,Omni's regulations will also not guarantee Tria's fish populations.这段你是从鱼的数量未必减少来论证的吗?要不然也不会有下面的granted that哦,不过我觉得重点还是放在下面这段比较好

Secondly, granted that the fish populations are truly declining, there is no evidence to prove that the phenomenon is not caused by pollution. Although Tria ban dumping and offshore oil drilling, are the regulations abided好词,我没见过的 strictly? The answer is not certain. Moreover, it is likely that people drill oil besides 用away如何? 20 miles, but the leaked oil floats into the offshore area and kills the fishes. Consequently, whether the situation can blame on pollution need to be considered again.这段论证的有力度,好!

Thirdly, although Omni does not report decline in its fish populations, is it the true situation? Maybe the government of Omni disguises好词! the fact purposely. What is more, the marine environment of Tria and Omni maybe not the same, so just to imitate the Omni's behavior is not a wise decision?为什么是问号?不解!

Last but not the least, the current regulations of Tria is are used to protect marine mammals. If adopting Omni's regulations, the range of area protected will be small narrow, and then the marine mammals between 10 miles and 20 miles will loss protection.我觉得应该是10 miles away So the regulations should accord with the actual situation of Tria.

To sum up, the arguer is too cursory好词 to make the suggestion because he only depends on the external and partial situations好句子. To make his suggestion more convincing, he has to take the facets好词 discussed above into account, that is, to study the genuine situation about fish populations and consider the difference between environment of Tria and Omni. 漂亮的结尾!

amy的文章写的越来越好了,很多好词,还是40分钟写的
在这个时间我暂时还写不出这么好的作文,当然如果能把头两段论证结合起来
再花些笔墨论证一下两地的样本差异就更棒了,这么迟才帮你改,实在抱歉!
How to Eat Fried Worms?

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地板
发表于 2006-1-13 09:16:57 |只看该作者
原来amy都上班啦!呵呵


;P是啊,而且还有一个月就工作满两年了,嘿嘿,不过偶还没那么老哦,仍然很年轻的说,嘻嘻
用心就不会错过...

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