Argument145 附提纲，敬请大家随便拍，必回拍

Archer1123UID: 206148

ARGUEMT 总频率３１
【145】A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

一项新的调查所收集的数据显示打呼噜的人比不打呼噜的人更容易长胖。我们知道很多打呼噜的人夜间也经常有数秒钟的呼吸停顿，这种现象被称为睡眠呼吸中断。这种呼吸的停顿导致本人醒来--通常十分短暂以至于不被察觉--并且会使本人在白天很累而无力锻炼。因此，所有打呼噜的人都应该比正常人少吃多锻炼。
1.        调查的科学性和可靠性
2.        无证据表明打呼噜的人夜间有呼吸停顿，白天无力锻炼，导致长胖
3.        这个建议不适合所有的打呼噜的人

In the argument, the author recommends all people who snore to eat less and exercise more than average people. At the first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable and convincing since the author cites a new study and well-known information to substantiate it that snoers often suffer from the sleep apnea which make them too tired to exercise. On the second thought, however, the argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands under the careful scrutiny.

To begin with, the author’s deduct is based on a questionable study. There is no solid evidence in the argument to manifest the survey is scientific and reliable. Whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority or not, how about the procedure of randomly sampling, whether the sample quality is enough to represent the whole condition, without the detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard or even impossible for us to accept the result of study that there is strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain. If so, the author’s conclusion is weakened greatly.

Furthermore, even if we could concede the survey, the author fails to provide the sufficient evidence to testify the firm relationship between the sleep apnea and weight gain. In the argument, there is no scientific evidence to prove the root cause of snoers’ tiredness is the sleep apnea. Possibly, other medicine snoers take result in the tiredness. It is entirely possible that the pressure from job make snoers feel tired. Similarly, even though snoers suffer from sleep apnea and feel tired, it dose guarantee those snores are lack of exercise. Perhaps, some of them are full of enthusiasm about sports so that they insist on exercise even if they are tired. It is also possible that some of them regard exercise is a good relation method for the tiredness. The author cannot convince us that there is causal relationship between sleep apnea and gaining weight.

Last but not least, even though some snoers gain weight for the sleep apnea, it does not indicate any one who snores should eat less and exercise more than average people. The possibilities cannot be excluded that other snoers do not bear the sleep apnea, do not feel too tired to exercise and do not have the tendency to gain weight. Why they must eat less or exercise more? If they do so, it might make them unhealthy or even fall sick. Without ruling out that likelihood, the author’s advice that all snores should eat less and exercise more seems too presumptuous to be accepted.

To sum up, based on what has discussed above, it is clear that the conclusion reached in the argument is ungrounded. In order to make it more convincing, the author should provide the scientific survey and prove the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.

azaleaUID: 196122

In the argument, the author recommends all people who snore to eat less and exercise more than average people.[我没查到recommend sb. to do的用法 建议查一下] At the first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable and convincing since the author cites a new study and well-known information to substantiate it that snoers[好像也没有snorer这个词 即使有你也拼错啦] often suffer from the sleep apnea which make[-s] them too tired to exercise. On the second thought, however, the argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands under the careful scrutiny.

To begin with, the author’s deduct is based on a questionable study. There is no solid evidence in the argument to manifest the survey is scientific and reliable. Whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority[is an authority in this field] or not, how about the procedure of randomly sampling[how is the procedure..句式要前后一致], whether the sample quality is enough to represent the whole condition, [这里句号]without the detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard or even impossible for us to accept the result of study that there is strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain. If so, the author’s conclusion is weakened greatly.

Furthermore, even if we could concede the survey[even if the survey is reliable], the author fails to provide the[不需要the] sufficient evidence to testify the firm relationship between the sleep apnea and weight gain. In the argument, there is no scientific evidence to prove the root cause of snoers’ tiredness is the sleep apnea. Possibly, other[some这里为什么用other?题目没提到medicine啊] medicine snoers take result in the tiredness. It is entirely possible that the pressure from job make snoers feel tired. [觉得这里应该分段 因为换了个攻击点啊]Similarly, even though snoers suffer from sleep apnea and [thus表明因果关系] feel tired, it dose[?] guarantee those snores are lack of exercise. Perhaps, some of them are full of enthusiasm about sports so that they insist on exercise even if they are tired. It is also possible that some of them regard exercise is a good relation[?什么意思？] method for the tiredness. The author cannot convince us that there is causal relationship between sleep apnea and gaining weight.

Last but not least, even though some snoers gain weight for the sleep apnea, it does not indicate any one who snores should eat less and exercise more than average people. The possibilities cannot be excluded that other snoers do not bear the sleep apnea, do not feel too tired to exercise and do not have the tendency to gain weight. Why they must eat less or exercise more? If they do so, it might make them unhealthy or even fall sick. Without ruling out that likelihood, the author’s advice that all snores should eat less and exercise more seems too presumptuous to be accepted.

To sum up, based on what has discussed above, it is clear that the conclusion reached in the argument is ungrounded. In order to make it more convincing, the author should provide the scientific survey and prove the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.


[写的还不错 不过到处可以看到模版的影子 等熟练以后尽量用自己的话为好
主要错误都找到了 不过具体语言有的地方表述不是很清楚 :(
总之多看看别人写的就好了

这篇我也写过 有空可以看下
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=385481
]

zyhooUID: 202701

1．        It quite possible those who in weight tend to snore . The arguer treat the cause of a sequence of snore as if it were the result of snore.
2．        No evidence shows that people will get too tired for just a briefly waking，Moreover, it is unsound to assume these people are not likely to exercise during the day even they are tired.
3．        少吃不一定能减肥，况且打呼噜而不胖的人没有理由要少吃


In the argument, the author recommends all people who snore to eat less and exercise more than average people. At the first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable and convincing since the author cites a new study and well-known information to substantiate it (it是不是可以删掉? ) that snores (people who snore) often suffer from (不用from) the sleep apnea which make them too tired to exercise (in the day light) . On the second thought, however, the argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands under the careful scrutiny.

To begin with, the author’s deduct (deduction) is based on a questionable study. There is no solid evidence in the argument to manifest the survey is scientific and reliable. Whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority or not (whether后不用加or not) , how about the procedure of randomly sampling, whether the sample quality is enough to represent the whole condition, without the detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard or even impossible for us to accept the result of study that there is strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain. (Without knowing that whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority, whether the procedure of sampling is random, whether the sample quantity is enough to represent the whole condition and other detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard to convince us that there is a strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain.)   If so (In this case) , the author’s conclusion is weakened greatly.

Furthermore, even if we could concede the survey (even if the survey is reliable) , the author fails to provide the sufficient evidence to testify the firm relationship between the sleep apnea and weight gain. In the argument, there is no scientific evidence to prove the root (root没有形容词性) cause of snores (snores好像不能指代人) ’’ tiredness is the sleep apnea. Possibly, other medicine snores’ take result in the tiredness. It is entirely possible that the pressure from job make snores’ feel tired. Similarly, even though snores suffer from sleep apnea and feel tired, it dose guarantee those snores are lack of exercise (it does not necessarily indicate that those snores lack exercise) . Perhaps, (不要逗号) some of them are full of enthusiasm about sports so that they insist on exercise (exercising) even if they are tired. It is also possible that some of them regard exercise is (regard…as…) a good relation method for the tiredness (a good way to allay the tiredness) . The author cannot convince us that there is (a) causal relationship between sleep apnea and gaining weight.

Last but not least, even though (even if) some snores gain weight for (because of) the sleep apnea, it does not indicate (that) any one (everyone) who snores should eat less and exercise more than average people (do) . The possibilities cannot be excluded that other snores do not bear the sleep apnea, do not feel too tired to exercise and do not have the tendency to gain weight. ( The possibilities cannot be excluded that some snores do not bear the sleep apnea,  not feel too tired to exercise or not have the tendency to gain weight.) Why they must eat less or exercise more? ( Why should they eat less or exercise more?) If they do so, it might make them unhealthy or even fall sick. (If so, they might be unhealthy or even fall sick.) Without ruling out that likelihood (Without ruling out other evidences that….) , the author’s advice that all snores should eat less and exercise more seems too presumptuous to be accepted.

To sum up, based on what has discussed above, it is clear (obvious) that the conclusion (which is) reached in the argument is ungrounded. In order to make it more convincing, the author should provide the scientific survey and prove the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.

我水平不高，改的不好的地方请见谅。我的文章
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
敬请指教。谢谢

[ 本帖最后由 zyhoo 于 2006-1-24 02:01 编辑 ]

azaleaUID: 196122

不过suffer from some disease是固定搭配
另外whether (or not) or not是可有可无 不过我喜欢加上 一是凑字数 二可以使长句平衡

Archer1123UID: 206148

简单的看了一下

In the argument, the author recommends all people who snore to eat less and exercise more than average people.[我没查到recommend sb. to do的用法 建议查一下]好像确实没有这种用法，:L 改为recommend that all people who snore should... At the first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable and convincing since the author cites a new study and well-known information to substantiate it that snoers[好像也没有snorer这个词 即使有你也拼错啦] snorer这个单词是有的，我在牛津上查到的，韦氏也有，金山里好像没有，不过我确实拼写错了，唉often suffer from the sleep apnea which make[-s] them too tired to exercise. On the second thought, however, the argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands under the careful scrutiny.

To begin with, the author’s deduct is based on a questionable study. There is no solid evidence in the argument to manifest the survey is scientific and reliable. Whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority[is an authority in this field] 恩，这样清楚多了，谢谢or not, how about the procedure of randomly sampling[how is the procedure..句式要前后一致], whether the sample quality is enough to represent the whole condition, [这里句号]without the detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard or even impossible for us to accept the result of study that there is strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain. If so, the author’s conclusion is weakened greatly.

Furthermore, even if we could concede the survey[even if the survey is reliable], the author fails to provide the[不需要the] sufficient evidence to testify the firm relationship between the sleep apnea and weight gain. In the argument, there is no scientific evidence to prove the root cause of snoers’ tiredness is the sleep apnea. Possibly, other[some这里为什么用other?题目没提到medicine啊]恩，忽略了，谢谢提醒 medicine snoers take result in the tiredness. It is entirely possible that the pressure from job make snoers feel tired. [觉得这里应该分段 因为换了个攻击点啊]Similarly, even though snoers suffer from sleep apnea and [thus表明因果关系] feel tired, it dose[?] guarantee those snores are lack of exercise. Perhaps, some of them are full of enthusiasm about sports so that they insist on exercise even if they are tired. It is also possible that some of them regard exercise is a good relation[?什么意思？] 笔误，relaxation method for the tiredness. The author cannot convince us that there is causal relationship between sleep apnea and gaining weight.

Last but not least, even though some snoers gain weight for the sleep apnea, it does not indicate any one who snores should eat less and exercise more than average people. The possibilities cannot be excluded that other snoers do not bear the sleep apnea, do not feel too tired to exercise and do not have the tendency to gain weight. Why they must eat less or exercise more? If they do so, it might make them unhealthy or even fall sick. Without ruling out that likelihood, the author’s advice that all snores should eat less and exercise more seems too presumptuous to be accepted.

To sum up, based on what has discussed above, it is clear that the conclusion reached in the argument is ungrounded. In order to make it more convincing, the author should provide the scientific survey and prove the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.

Archer1123UID: 206148

1．        It quite possible those who in weight tend to snore . The arguer treat the cause of a sequence of snore as if it were the result of snore. 明白你的意思：有些人是因为胖才打呼噜，而不是打呼噜导致长胖。 但是无论是哪种情况，都应该少吃多运动啊，这不是和作者的结论一致吗？这个思路很好，但是作为一个逻辑攻击好像不太好，再讨论……
2．        No evidence shows that people will get too tired for just a briefly waking，Moreover, it is unsound to assume these people are not likely to exercise during the day even they are tired.
3．        少吃不一定能减肥，结论是少吃多运动啊，仅仅是少吃哦，而且要论证这一点比较困难，减肥最科学的方法好像就是少吃多运动吧？ 况且打呼噜而不胖的人没有理由要少吃 这个是作者的逻辑错误所在

In the argument, the author recommends all people who snore to eat less and exercise more than average people. At the first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable and convincing since the author cites a new study and well-known information to substantiate it (it是不是可以删掉? ) substantiate是vt. 删掉it不好吧 that snores (people who snore) 拼写错误， 是snorers often suffer from (不用from) the sleep apnea which make them too tired to exercise (in the day light) 可以不用加吧？ . On the second thought, however, the argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands under the careful scrutiny.

To begin with, the author’s deduct (deduction) is based on a questionable study. There is no solid evidence in the argument to manifest the survey is scientific and reliable. Whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority or not (whether后不用加or not) , how about the procedure of randomly sampling, whether the sample quality is enough to represent the whole condition, without the detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard or even impossible for us to accept the result of study that there is strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain. (Without knowing that whether the organization which conduct the survey is authority, whether the procedure of sampling is random, whether the sample quantity is enough to represent the whole condition and other detailed information and data about the survey, it is hard to convince us that there is a strong relationship between the snoring and weight gain.)   If so (In this case) , the author’s conclusion is weakened greatly.

Furthermore, even if we could concede the survey (even if the survey is reliable) , the author fails to provide the sufficient evidence to testify the firm relationship between the sleep apnea and weight gain. In the argument, there is no scientific evidence to prove the root (root没有形容词性) root cause没什么错吧，可以用名词作为定语，修饰名词。例如stone table， safety standard cause of snores (snores好像不能指代人) 拼写错误， 是snorers tiredness is the sleep apnea. Possibly, other medicine snores’ take result in the tiredness. It is entirely possible that the pressure from job make snores’ feel tired. Similarly, even though snores suffer from sleep apnea and feel tired, it dose guarantee those snores are lack of exercise (it does not necessarily indicate that those snores lack exercise) . Perhaps, (不要逗号) some of them are full of enthusiasm about sports so that they insist on exercise (exercising) exercise也是n啊 even if they are tired. It is also possible that some of them regard exercise is (regard…as…) a good relation method for the tiredness (a good way to allay the tiredness) 这种表达好. The author cannot convince us that there is (a) causal relationship between sleep apnea and gaining weight.

Last but not least, even though (even if) even if和even though 差不多啊？ some snores gain weight for (because of) for 也可以表示原因啊 the sleep apnea, it does not indicate (that) that可以省略吧？ any one (everyone) who snores should eat less and exercise more than average people (do) . The possibilities cannot be excluded that other snores do not bear the sleep apnea, do not feel too tired to exercise and do not have the tendency to gain weight. ( The possibilities cannot be excluded that some snores do not bear the sleep apnea,  not feel too tired to exercise or not have the tendency to gain weight.) Why they must eat less or exercise more? ( Why should they eat less or exercise more?) If they do so, it might make them unhealthy or even fall sick. (If so, they might be unhealthy or even fall sick.) Without ruling out that likelihood (Without ruling out other evidences that….) , the author’s advice that all snores should eat less and exercise more seems too presumptuous to be accepted.

To sum up, based on what has discussed above, it is clear (obvious) that the conclusion (which is) 可以省略吧？  reached in the argument is ungrounded. In order to make it more convincing, the author should provide the scientific survey and prove the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.

Archer1123UID: 206148

谢谢azalea和zyhoo的修改，获益匪浅
我会尽快拜读你们的大作的，

zyhooUID: 202701

回楼上的，我的英文也不行，只是按自己的习惯改的，也许你说的也对，只是我没见过。
另外，insist on是 坚持, 坚决要求 的意思不知和你的意思吻合否。我觉得不太恰当，但也找不到合适的说法。
我的意见也许是错的。仅供参考

Archer1123UID: 206148

原帖由 zyhoo 于 2006-1-24 17:57 发表
回楼上的，我的英文也不行，只是按自己的习惯改的，也许你说的也对，只是我没见过。
另外，insist on是 坚持, 坚决要求 的意思不知和你的意思吻合否。我觉得不太恰当，但也找不到合适的说法。
我的意见也许是错 ...

是我忽略了，应该用insist on doing 比较好。
我水平也很低啊，大家讨论容易进步嘛，呵呵，
你们的作文我都修改了，有空查看一下吧