【8月27号】大作文一篇，欢迎大家来拍！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Topic: If children behave badly ,should their parents accept responsibility and also be punished?
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提纲：
第一段：任何事情都不能简单的归结为一个原因，譬如儿童行为不良，是很多外界因素共同作用的结果，但是作为儿童的监护人，父母理应承担最直接的责任并且接受一定程度的惩罚。
第二段：处于成长的阶段的儿童，对于是非的辨别能力，很大程度上依赖于家长的耳濡目染，俗话说“子不教，父之过”，父母的一言一行，都是儿童模仿的对象，所以，父母应该端正自己的行为，用积极正面的行动去教育自己的孩子，避免儿童走上不良道路。
第三段：必须承认，在这个问题上，整个社会也负有不可推卸的责任，走出家庭，儿童直接面对的是这个社会，环境对于人的影响是巨大的，尤其是心智还不成熟的小孩子。电视节目提供商为了贪图收视率，大量的播出暴力和犯罪片，整个社会的责任心缺失更加剧了越来越多的儿童走上犯罪的道路。
第四段：儿童是未来的希望，除了父母应该承担责任和接受惩罚之外，我们也不能忘了整个社会所应承担的那一份道德谴责，只有社会和家长双方面努力，才能为儿童营造一个健康的成长环境。
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时间:50 min  字数:229
Every problem has more than one reason, for example, children delinquency is a result of combined action by many factors outside. As the first guardians of child, it is naturally that parents should shoulder relevant responsibilities and receive punishment.

In the process of growing up, the ability to distinguish right and wrong of child, to a large extend, are unconsciously influenced by what he constantly hears or sees from their parents. As the old Chinese saying is “If a son is uneducated, his dad is to blame”, the behaviours of parents are models in children's eyes. To this level, in is necessary that educate child with positive and proper actions by parents to prevent children from delinquency road.

Over this matter, it must be admitted that society should as well as undertake compelling obligations. Influences from environment make a great impression on a person, especially for children, whose mental are far to maturity. To seek high audience rating, the TV programme provider broadcast huge number of violence and criminal series, lacking a sense of responsibility of whole society aggravate the poor situation.

Children is the hope for the future, besides the responsibility and punishment shouldered by parents, it is unwise to forget the duty should be undertaken by society, only the way struggle through the joint effort of parents and public would build a well environment for children's growing.


[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-27 03:18 编辑 ]

67169619UID: 2320695

zhi neng bang ni ding le

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

Every problem has more than one reason (,-> for example, children delinquency is (a->the) result of (combined action by many->many combined) factors (outside->\). As the first guardians of child, it is naturally that parents should shoulder relevant responsibilities and receive punishment.
In the process of growing up, the ability to distinguish right and wrong of (^a) child, to a large extend, are unconsciously influenced by what he constantly hears or sees from their parents. As the old Chinese saying (is->goes) “If a son is uneducated, his dad is to (blame->be blamed)”, the (behaviours->behaviors) of parents are models in children's eyes. To this level, (in->it) is necessary that (educate->educating)(child->children) with positive and proper actions by parents (to->could) prevent (children->them) from (^taking) delinquency road.
(Over->For?) this matter, it must be admitted that society should as well as undertake compelling obligations. Influences from environment (make->impose)(a->\) great impression on a person, especially (for->\) children, whose mental (^development) (are->is) far (to->from) maturity. (^For example,) to seek high (audience->\?) rating, the TV programme (provider->providers) broadcast huge number of violence and criminal series, (^while) lacking a sense of responsibility (of whole society aggravate the poor situation->they should bear as to keep the younger members from exposing to such things).
Children is the hope (for->of?) the future, (besides->in addition to) the responsibility and punishment (shouldered->delivered) by (^their) parents (,->.)(^Therefore,) it is unwise to forget (^that) the duty should be undertaken by society, (only the way struggle through the joint effort of parents and public would build a well environment for children's growing->and we could achieve such goal with the aid of joint efforts from not only the parents but the whole society).

（貌似没有结尾，不知道是不是时间太紧张哦；感觉每次夜空同学的中文提纲都很好，怎么写成英文就…BTW…3点钟还在写作文啊…pfpf~~）
无语的是在word里面粘贴过来还是好好的，一发出来就变样了，颜色都没有了

forbeckUID: 2297645

今天偷懒啦？只有一篇~~~~~;d:

forbeckUID: 2297645

粘贴过来，也得重新编辑下~~~~~

辛苦了:handshake

H-KevinUID: 2182070

word里面粘贴过来 都存在这个问题，一般的话需要重新编辑 ;)

forbeckUID: 2297645

Every problem has more than one reason(这句话从逻辑上好像没有问题，但是从语言角度，好像特别中式，但是暂时没想到该怎么修改), for example, children delinquency is a result of(in) combined action by many factors outside. As the first guardians of children(后边的父母是复数，统一一下), it is naturally that parents should shoulder relevant responsibilities and receive punishment.


In the process of growing up, the ability of a child（把of a child移到前边来吧，要不有歧义）to distinguish right and wrong （of child）, to a large extend, are unconsciously influenced by what he constantly hears or sees from their parents. As the old Chinese saying is(goes会更活泼一点吧) “If a son is uneducated, his dad is to blame”, the behaviours of parents are models in children's eyes. To this level, in（it） is necessary  by parents that(to) educate child with positive and proper actions (by parents) to prevent children from delinquency road(接上一个少年犯罪的名词就够了吧，多谢了，反而有中式英语的味道).
Over（我孤陋寡闻了，没见过这种用法） this matter, it must be admitted that society should as well as undertake compelling obligations. Influences from environment make a（单复数前后不一致哦） great impression on a person, especially for（这个介词也庭中国化的，不用加上） children, whose mental are far to maturity. To seek high audience rating, the TV programme providers broadcast huge number of violence and criminal series, lacking a sense of responsibility of whole society aggravates the poor situation.


Children are the hope for(of) the future, besides the responsibility and punishment shouldered by parents, it is unwise to forget the duty which should be undertaken by society, only(这种太绝对的语言要尽量少出现) the way struggle through the joint effort of parents and public would build a well environment for children's growing.


我发现一个比较严重的问题，先问下，你的中文提纲是在写好后才列出来的，还是先写中文提纲然后在写作文？以前，我很少看你的提纲，今天因为有几句话看不懂，就看了你的提纲，感觉是把作文完全的翻译过来，这可能是造成你的这篇作文中文的语言模式特别重的原因之一，要不就是太迟写了，3点钟还写作文，早点休息吧:handshake ~~

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-27 12:35 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

HOHO~~过来改这些不睡觉的gter
being revised...

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

谢谢GriSSom.ZZX和forbeck两位！:handshake

forbeck提到的那个问题，列提纲的时候总想多写一些，这样不怕用英语写的时候思路卡住，可是这样也会造成中文语言模式的问题，以后会注意的！:handshake :)

futuremanUID: 2327059

Topic: If children behave badly ,should their parents accept responsibility and also be punished?
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————
提纲：
第一段：任何事情都不能简单的归结为一个原因，譬如儿童行为不良，是很多外界因素共同作用的结果，但是作为儿童的监护人，父母理应承担最直接的责任并且接受一定程度的惩罚。
第二段：处于成长的阶段的儿童，对于是非的辨别能力，很大程度上依赖于家长的耳濡目染，俗话说“子不教，父之过”，父母的一言一行，都是儿童模仿的对象，所以，父母应该端正自己的行为，用积极正面的行动去教育自己的孩子，避免儿童走上不良道路。
第三段：必须承认，在这个问题上，整个社会也负有不可推卸的责任，走出家庭，儿童直接面对的是这个社会，环境对于人的影响是巨大的，尤其是心智还不成熟的小孩子。电视节目提供商为了贪图收视率，大量的播出暴力和犯罪片，整个社会的责任心缺失更加剧了越来越多的儿童走上犯罪的道路。
第四段：儿童是未来的希望，除了父母应该承担责任和接受惩罚之外，我们也不能忘了整个社会所应承担的那一份道德谴责，只有社会和家长双方面努力，才能为儿童营造一个健康的成长环境。
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————
时间:50 min  字数:229

Every problem has more than one reason, for example, children delinquency is a result of combined action by many factors outside. As the first guardians of children, it is naturally that parents should shoulder relevant responsibilities and receive punishment.第一段你的立场是完全同意题目，不过语言有些生涩，恩继续看

In the process of children’s growing up，主谓一致growing up, the ability of a child to distinguish right and wrong , to a large extend, are(is) unconsciously influenced by what he constantly hears or sees from their parents.TS有些长，可以把这句话作为论证的一部分，TS应该简洁有力 As the old Chinese saying is goes会更活泼一点吧/菠萝：goes比较地道 “If a son is uneducated, his dad is to blame”, the behaviours of parents are models in children's eyes. To this level好象没这个说法。。。是In this sense吧, in it is necessary by for parents that to educate child with positive and proper actions to prevent children from delinquency road 用词有点怪，用题目的原文就比较好，bad behaviors

Over 用个Focusing on比较好 this matter, it must be admitted that society should as well as改为also undertake compelling obligations. Influences from environment make a great impression on a person influence和impression实际是重复用词，environment makes a great influence on a person, especially for 去掉for children, whose mental mental situation are far to is far from maturity. To seek 加上for high audience rating, the TV programme providers broadcast huge number of violence and criminal series, lacking a sense of responsibility of whole society aggravates the poor situation.and aggravating the poor situation


Children are the hope for the future, besides the responsibility and punishment shouldered by parents, it is unwise to forget the duty which should be undertaken by society, only the way struggle through the joint effort of parents and public would build a well environment for children's growing.


加强你的语言哦，感觉写的有点生涩，可能和你照中文翻译过来有关系，尽量保持英文的写作习惯啊，不要用中文的语序和语法硬造你的表达啊
还有文章有些结构上的问题，题目讲父母承担责任和受到惩罚，没有提到社会的责任啊，你用了一段来论述这会责任，冲淡了body的论证而且有些偏题，我建议你这个文章从下几个方面好好分析下
1>        父母承担责任和受惩罚，是两个不同概念，要加以区分，你同意哪一个，还是都同意
2>        父母承担责任和受惩罚的原因有几个，正反你都列一列，建议写三个理由，这样保证你思维的完备性

恩 好好练习 加油啊

[ 本帖最后由 futureman 于 2007-8-27 14:07 编辑 ]

kut1230UID: 2369693

第一句这样写怎样,
There come no less than one causes to a(假如举例多于一个用each) problem, for example, ...

另外请问写作中一般中国式谚语翻译成英文会不会看不懂啊,我怕考官会曲解我的原意

[ 本帖最后由 kut1230 于 2007-8-27 20:48 编辑 ]