ISSUE51 [FF小组]第一次作业---by wulfharth ver.第一次修改

wulfharthUID: 2460527

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 475          TIME: 01:36:41          DATE: 2008-10-29 16:15:20

Education is a more and more significant issue in nowadays society. Whether the educational system will be absolutely effective when could satisfy every individual student's needs and interests. As I see it, I can not wholly identify this issue with the speaker. I admit that it would be helpful to the students; but there might be so many other ways to make the education effective and helpful.
Teaching students in accordance of their aptitude is an accepted educational principle. Using the criterion - whether or not the education could fulfill every single educatee's demand and interest - is reasonable and justifiable. Every single human being has some gift that, in certain fields, differs from other people. That means every individual student has there own needs and interests; the satisfaction of these needs and interests would lead a student to become a person with special ability in certain fields. For example, the outstanding scientist like Cheng Jingrun is a wizard at mathematics. The formula and equation are his whole life. But if put him in the traditional teacher-centered educational system that always ignores those special and individual needs and interests, he would be a man in the street but not a preeminent academician.
However, it is impossible that every student certainly knows his individual needs and interests. And so-called 'individual needs and interests' would change along with increasing age. Prematurely confirming and encouraging the students' individual needs and interests might limit their real genius. So it should be arranged in phase or stages. Perhaps in elementary school the educational system should set a series of compulsive fundamental curriculum that help the students to be on the firm ground. And in the junior and senior high school, the students should be encouraged in finding their needs and interests. Of course, the schools and teachers should guide the students in the exploring in such a dazzling world. After matriculated by the university or college, the individual needs and interests could be the most important thing. So guidance but completely freedom should make things in right place.
Furthermore, there is another possibility that the necessary education should be reduced if the educational system always complies with every individual student's continuously changing needs and interests. The unreasonable desire could only lead the education to the chaotic result. After all, the students do not really know about what is the real important thing in their educational period. Even for several students, the video game, not anything about learning, might be their only interesting thing; for that matter, the educational system obviously could not fulfill these 'individual needs and interests'.
All in all, the traditional teacher-centered educational system is the same harmful to students as giving students the total satisfaction, without any principle, of their individual needs and interests. The education is not in the either-or situation. All we need is balance.

[ 本帖最后由 wulfharth 于 2008-11-3 17:26 编辑 ]

darlyxpUID: 2196136

Education is a more and more significant issue in nowadays society. Whether the educational system will be absolutely effective when could satisfy every individual student's needs and interests. [这句我看不懂啊] As I see it, I can not wholly identify this issue with the speaker. I admit that it would be helpful to the students; but there might be so [去掉so] many other ways to make the education effective and helpful.

Teaching students in accordance of [这个用法我没有查到,according to] their aptitude is an accepted educational principle. Using the criterion - whether or not the education could fulfill every single educatee's [没有这个词吧,你是想表达”受教育者”的意思吗,文章是针对student education, 所以你这里用student’s 就可以了] demand and interest [复数] - is reasonable and justifiable. [这个句子不完整吧] Every single human being has some gift that, in certain fields, differs from other people. That means every individual student has there[his/her] own needs and interests; the satisfaction of these needs and interests would lead a student to become a person with special ability in certain fields. For example, the outstanding scientist like Cheng Jingrun is a wizard at mathematics. The formula and equation are his whole life. [应该说充满了他的一生吧,难道是比喻手法?恕我无知...]But if put him in the traditional teacher-centered educational system that always ignores those special and individual needs and interests, he would be a man in the street but not a preeminent academician. [例证讲得不详细,阅卷人不一定认识陈景润大侠,你应该说一下陈景润是中国的一位超级大牛,他在解析数学方面的成就为世界数学界公认…,这样阅卷人就知道,哦,陈某某的确很牛,这个学生用来作例子有说服力…]

However, it is impossible that every student certainly knows his individual needs and interests. And so-called 'individual needs and interests' would change along with increasing age. Prematurely confirming and encouraging the students' individual needs and interests might limit their real genius. So it should be arranged in phase or stages. Perhaps in elementary school the educational system should set a series of compulsive fundamental curriculum that help the students to be on the firm ground. And in the junior and senior high school, the students should be encouraged in finding their needs and interests. Of course, the schools and teachers should guide the students in the exploring in such a dazzling world. After matriculated by the university or college, the individual needs and interests could be the most important thing. So guidance but completely freedom should make things in right place. [这段没有中心句啊.学生的兴趣随年龄而改变,所以不同年级,学校设置不同的课程, 本段最好要有总结性的话,总结一下:学校的确要关注学生的兴趣]

Furthermore, there is another possibility that the necessary education should be reduced [为什么用reduce这个词啊?我理解不到] if the educational system always complies with every individual student's continuously changing needs and interests. The unreasonable desire could only lead the education to the chaotic result. After all, the students do not really know about what is the real important thing in their educational period. Even for several students, the video game, not anything about learning, might be their only interesting thing; for that matter, the educational system obviously could not fulfill these 'individual needs and interests'. [本段蛮好的.赞一个]

All in all, the traditional teacher-centered educational system is the same harmful to students as giving students the total satisfaction, without any principle, of their individual needs and interests. The education is not in the either-or situation. All we need is balance. [总结段写得不行,跟前面论述的相差很远啊. 怎么联系到Traditional educational system来了呢? 为什么说教育不是 either-or situation? 为什么我们需要balance? 这些跟你前面论述的有什么联系呢?这个是总结段吗? 貌似离题了吧?]


总结:
1.开头不错,直接表明自已的观点, “还有其他方式可以让教育有效”.既然这样,你接下来就要阐述,除了满足学生的需要以外,到底还有哪些方式可以使得education will be truly effective.
2.例子展开不充分.可以介绍一下陈景润大侠的伟大贡献,在数学界为世界所公认.让别人知道你的例子有说服力.
3.个人觉得每一段都要有中心句,让读者可以清楚地了解到你的行文脉络.
4.总结段应该是对你前面论述的东西进行summary一下,而你的总结段跟前面相差甚远啊.
5.楼主可以多看一下其他人是怎么写的,再总结一下.
6.共勉

wulfharthUID: 2460527

Education is a more and more significant issue in nowadays society. Whether or not the educational system could satisfy every individual students' needs and interests, in speaker's opinion, is a criterion which could be used for judging the effectiveness of education. However, as I see it, I can not wholly identify this issue with speaker. I admit that catering for the every single student's needs and interests would improve student in some fields, but overemphasizing this might be counterproductive.

Teaching students in accordance of their aptitude is a well-accepted educational principle. Using the criterion - whether the education could fulfill every individual student's demands and interests, is reasonable and justifiable. Every single human being has some gift that, in certain fields, wholly differs from other people. That means every individual student has his or her own needs and interest; the satisfaction of these needs and interests might lead a students to become a person with special abilities in certain fields, even a scientific expert. For example, the outstanding scientist like Chen Jingrun, who is a wizard at mathematics. The Goldbach's conjecture,  which Chen firstly reasoned in the world, in the field of mathematics is like the theory of relativity in modern physics. In other parts of life, Chen is ordinary as other people, but if putting him in the traditional teacher-centered educational system that always ignores those special and individual needs and interests, we should lost our greatest mathematician.

However, it is impossible that every student certainly knows his or her individual needs and interests. And these so-called 'individual needs and interests' would change along with increasing age and social experience. Prematurely confirming and encouraging the students' individual needs and interests might be misleading and restrain the students' real genius. So the most important thing the education should do is arranging in phases and stages. Perhaps in elementary school the educational system should set a series of compulsive fundamental curriculum that help the students to have a firm ground of knowledge and commonsense. And then in junior and senior high school, the students should be initially encouraged in finding their needs and interests. Of course the schools and teachers should guide the students in their exploring in such a dazzling world. After matriculated by universities or colleges, the individual needs and interests could be placed in the most important position; in this condition, the education should try its best to provide students a wide and deep field for their every individual needs and interests.

Furthermore, there is another possibility that the necessary education might be decreased if the educational system always complies with every individual student's continuously and irrationally changing needs and interests. The unreasonable desire could only lead the education to the chaotic result. After all, the students do not really know about what is the real important thing in their educational period. Even for several students, the video game, not anything about learning, might be their only interesting thing; for that matter, the educational system obviously should not fulfill these 'individual needs and interests' without any arrangement and guidance.
In my conclusion, the effective education should consider every single student’s individual needs and interests carefully and rationally then achieve it step by step, but not encouraging students in finding their needs and interests lacking planning, methods and organization.


[ 本帖最后由 firhaday 于 2008-11-4 19:22 编辑 ]

firhadayUID: 2287086

赞你的这样的热情
给你点小修改吧~我自己按照理解修改下的哦~纯粹个人讨论~
Education is a more and more significant issue in nowadays society. Whether or not the educational system could satisfy every individual students' needs and interests, in speaker's opinion, is a criterion which could be used for judging the effectiveness of education. However, as I see it, I can not wholly identify this issue with speaker. I admit that catering for the every single student's needs and interests would improve student in some fields, but overemphasizing this might be counterproductive.

纯粹为了讨论如何练习文章，每个人都有自己的写作习惯，多修改下吧，可以看到自己的文章和写作方式的长足进步！加油！
Education is of more and more importance in our current society. As author states, whether or not a educational system can satisfy needs of individuals become a vital criterion for judging effectiveness. However, I do not agree with him/her to some extent. In some cases, there might be an improvement, while some others cases might be not, such as when it is overemphasized.