TOEFL4-6 Dark-Tournament小组第一次作业

duduyan11UID: 2591951

第一次作业：Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.


    Nowadays,there is a phenomenon has caused wide public concern in many places of the world that children play computer games. when it comes to this issue ,some people believe that it is good for children to make constant progress in intelligence, others, however, disagree with it . As for me, i am in favor of the opinion that children should not to play computer games.

   First of all .there is no denying that playing computer games has some minor advantages.For example,   through  computer games children learn gross moto skills, they practice and develop the ability to use their brain  and learn how to control thenselves  and to  tolerate their frustrations around others .These ,of course, are abilities that are extremely important for children as well. Morever, playing computer games are excellent way to relax.

  Even though there may be one or two advantages to play computer games , however , i believe that there are far more disadvantages. It goes without saying that playing computer games is wasting study time. For example,  many students are so addicted to computer games that they spend the whole night in front of computers, that they can not concentrate on their studies .It is known that the importance of study can not be overemphasized. There is no doubt that  this dose harm to their study.   

   Another disadvantage is that playing computer games destracts from sports time.It can be easily proved that nothing is more precious than health. So it is absolutely necessary to get some physical activity at least a few times a week, and engraining this idea into children when they are young is the best way to ensure their health for life. What's more , playing computer games   will destroy communication among children and family.The less frequently we communicate with family members ,the less harmonious the relationship in the family between us is . Needly to say this does no good at all to children's development.

  Athough i agree that there may be a couple of advantages to playing computer games, i feel that the diadvantage are mor obvious.

duduyan11UID: 2591951

人生第一篇，请大家指正

lewinskyUID: 2479218

Nowadays,there is a phenomenon has caused wide public concern in many places of the world that children play computer games. (there is a phenomenon which the tendency of children playing computer games give rise to wide public concern)when it comes to this issue ,some people believe that it is good for children to make constant progress in intelligence, others, however, disagree with it . As for me, i am in favor of the opinion that children should not to play computer games.! C& j- w# h0 C) O) F

First of all(Admittedly),there is no denying that playing computer games has some minor advantages.For example, through  computer games children learn gross moto skills, they practice and develop the ability to use their brain  and learn how to control thenselves  and to  tolerate their frustrations around others (and有点纠结 through computer games which spur youngster to cultivate teamwork spirit, self-control and self-tolerance).These ,of course, are abilities that are extremely important for children as well. Morever, playing computer games are excellent way to relax.
Even though there may be one or two advantages(merits) to play computer games , however , i believe that there are far more disadvantages(it is far from thoroughly consideration). It goes without saying that playing computer games(would dissipate much time of learning) is wasting study time. For example(For instance),  many(innumerable)students are so addicted to computer games that they spend the whole night in front of computers, that they can not concentrate on their studies (Those who spend the whole night on playing computer games fail to concentrate on their studies, youngster in particular.).It is known that the importance of study can not be overemphasized. There is no doubt that  this dose harm to their study( Undoubtedly).   
Another disadvantage is that playing computer games destracts from sports time.It can be easily proved that nothing is more precious than health. So it is absolutely necessary to get some physical activity at least a few times a week(Consequently,there are situations in which exercising a couple of hours each week is necessary), and engraining this idea into children' mind when they are young is the best way to ensure(guarantee) their health for life. What's more , playing computer games will destroy the opportunity of communication among(between) children and family.The less frequently we communicate with family members ,the less harmonious the relationship in the family between us is . Needly to say this does no good at all to children's development.
Athough i agree that there may be a couple of advantages to playing computer games, i feel that the diadvantage are mor obvious.(the conclusin is too cursory)
能力有限，本人是第一次改作文，呵呵
希望咱们共同进步

lijr03UID: 2522963

已经改好，放在附件里。总的感觉不错，但是有些地方有问题。

liurui8802UID: 2595045

不好意思，从word贴过来格式就成这样了， 改不了。我级别又不能发附件，受累了，不过我是很认真改的哦！


Nowadays,there is a phenomenon has caused wide public concern in many places of the world that children play computer games. There is increasing concern over children playing computer games.when it comes to this issue 删掉,some people believe that it is good for children to make constant progress in intelligence
when in games , others, however, disagree with it删掉 . As for me, i am in favor of the opinion that children should not to play computer games.
First of all .there is no denying that playing computer games has some minor advantages.For example,   through  computer games children learn gross moto skills, they practice and develop the ability to use their brain  and learn how to control thenselves  and to  tolerate their frustrations around others .These ,of course, are abilities that are extremely important for children as well. Morever, playing computer games are excellent way to relax.
  Even though there may be one or two advantages to play computer games , however , i believe that there are far more disadvantages. It goes without saying that playing computer games is wasting study time. For example,  many students are so addicted to computer games that they spend the whole night in front of computers, that they can not concentrate on their studies .It is known that the importance of study can not be overemphasized. There is no doubt that  this dose harm to their study.  坏处写太多了 第一段不是提出了明确观点的吗？Rewrite： para 1-2:
undoubtedly, there are some benefits of computer games ,such as basic skills with computer,cooperation with others.But I believe its harm far outweigh its benefits.First of all,it is such a waste of time that the hours for study is squeezed. Children indulge themselves in computer games day and night, hardly aware their first priority should be study.Even those who attend classes on time in the day will find it hard to concentrate.Drop in scores can be predicted


Another disadvantage is that playing computer games destracts detracts
from sports time.It can be easily proved that删掉
nothing is more precious than health. So it is absolutely necessary to get some physical activity at least a few times a week没有get some activity 的说法。改成work out now and then,at a minimum of 3 times a week., and engraining this idea into children when they are young is the best way to ensu
re their health for life.rewrite:
developing this good habit will ensure youngsters of lifelong physical health




What's不能连写 more , playing computer games  will destroy communication among children and family改成families,孩子本来就是家庭成员.The less frequently we communicate with family members ,the less harmonious the relationship in the family between us删掉 is . （Needly）needless to say this does (no good at all to) the least benefit to
children's development.
Athough i agree that there may be a couple of advantages to playing computer games, i feel that the diadvantage are mor obvious.
结尾过于敷衍，文章句式缺少变化，多以it引导句开头，容易引起句子冗长。应多注意积累各式句型。