【Dark_Tournament 小组第5次作业】by tanyangbj

tanyangbjUID: 2601443

Nowadays, more and more people use the mobile phone to communicate with each other, they send the messages, wonder on the website, even more, phone is a best utility to watch a video whenever you want. Friendly speaking, the technology has improved our life in every aspect, such as the excursion, the style of our living, and the method that we confront the difficulties.

The main reason for my perspective to technology changes our life deeply is that technology can build a foundation in the automobile industry. It alters the craft of manufacturing the car, allays the period of the assembling the engineering. By this way, a car became popular in our country and became a essential element in our new lifestyle from several decades ago. That is why there is so many automobile including tracks and cars in the avenue. Sometimes, you would doubt if you never saw a car in 1 hour. Because that is a incredible thing in our modern society. In another word, you may think you were crazy at that time. Moving to a wider themes, I still conceive a statement that car change our life. It is said that： " New car, new life." It is not only a groan that foment people to buy a new car, but also, it is a important way to express the main idea which be held for the modern society's people. Let's bring our discussion to a more present and practical context. My friend chen, indeed, has a car which bought several years ago. And he always used his car to shopping and touring. This is the typical example which shows an attitude that people to the car.


Another equally significant factor why I advocate technology improve our lifestyle involves the communicating with others. AT the Mediaeval echo, people send the correspondence to their family members for the purpose of making them pleasure. But, now.，we change the old way to a more comfortable and convenient method--- take a phone call. No one can deny that phone is our best "friend" because of it function which can make attachment to our friends. Obviously, it is imperative that technology will enhance the character of the mobile phone for letting us more and more pleasure. I trust it without any reservation. History is replete with evidences to demonstrate this. A case in point has an association with my idea. In the1980s, Chinese people did not know what the mobile phone is. But 20 years have passed, now, a child or even a old people
know how to use the mobile phone to do something, such as tempting some excursion through the phone by manual service, ordering some food by calling, and etc. Meanwhile, a recently survey will make this point more clear and acceptable: 1.25% of people knew the mobile phone before the revolution of China. Recently, 98% of the Chinese people, even the farmers, know the method in using mobile phone. In fact, China has became the biggest "mobile phone country" in the world.


Weighting the pros and cons of the topic, I strongly maintain the idea that the technology is benefit to our life, not only for the convenience that car bring us, but also, for the comfortable that the mobile phone help to us.

ilovesherryUID: 2592030

Nowadays, more and more people use the mobile phone(mobile phones) to communicate with each other, they send the messages, wonder on(是闲逛的意思吗？用surf on the Internet就好) the website, even more, phone is a best utility（用utility不合适,utility是不可数名词时指the amount of usefulness that something has,非要用的话可以说：phones have the best utility） to watch a video whenever you want. Friendly speaking(友好的说？), the technology has improved（我觉得用一般现在式比较合适） our life in every aspect, such as the excursion(不太明白科技怎么提高了“短途旅行”？), the style of our living, and the method（methods,与后面的复数对应） that we confront the difficulties.
（没有提出与题目相关的论点，只说了科技给人们改善了与人们有关的生活方式，但是没有提出认为科技是否简单化进而复杂化了生活。首段中新观点不明确）
The main reason for my perspective to(which) technology changes our life deeply is that technology can build a foundation in the automobile industry ( technology is the foundation to the automobile industry ). It alters the craft(craft一般指传统手工工艺) of manufacturing the car（cars）, allays the period of the assembling the engineering（是想表达缩短汽车组装时间吗？如果是的话，首先：allay是指to make something,especially a feeling,less strong,表达缩短的话用shorten就好啊~第二：the assembling the engineering我实在看不出来什么意思，assemble是动词集合，聚集，组装的意思，所以猜想是想表达组装汽车^ ^|||,那样的话，period好像不太合适吧）. By this way, a car（cars） became popular in our country and became a essential element in our new lifestyle from（since） several decades ago. That is why there is(are) so many automobile(automobiles) including tracks and cars in(on) the avenues. Sometimes, you would doubt if you never（不好） saw a car in 1 hour. Because（可以.改，并作一句） that is a incredible thing（罗嗦了，直接that is almost/all but  incredible） in our modern society. In another word, you may think you were crazy at that time.(很搞笑的说……) Moving to a wider themes, I still conceive a statement that cars change our life. It is said that： " New car, new life." It is not only a groan（呻吟？？） that foment（语气太强了，一般指什么激起革命啊，事变啊……temtp/lead） people to buy a new car, but also, it is(不用逗号隔开，but also a important…) a important way to express the main idea which be held for the modern society's people(建议直接society). Let's bring our discussion to a more present and practical context.(去掉，或者直接for instance,) My friend chen, indeed, has a car which （加was） bought several years ago. And(and,but,so尽量不用在句首，这是上次帮我改作文的前辈说的，与上句连为一句就好哈~) he always used（always uses） his car to go shopping and touring. This is the typical example which shows an attitude that people to the car.
（呃……逻辑不太好，而且没看懂举这个例子想说明什么，观点还是不太明确呢）
Another equally significant factor why I advocate technology improve our lifestyle involves the communicating with others. At the Mediaeval echo（请教：这里是固定搭配吗？什么意思？）, people send the correspondence（直接letters吧，correspondence指各国或政府间的公函或商业信函） to their family members for the purpose of making them pleasure. But now，we change the old way to a more comfortable and convenient method--- take（making） a phone call. No one can deny that phone is our best "friend" because of it （its）function which can make attachment(意为喜爱，附件，想表达与朋友联系的话用which can let us keep in touch with our friends) to our friends. Obviously, it is imperative(不合适) that technology will enhance the character of the mobile phone for letting us more and more pleasure.（这句话没什么道理啊，而且letting us more and more pleasure,letting好像不能这样用吧……） I trust it without any reservation. History is replete with evidences to demonstrate this. A case in point has an association with my idea. In the1980s, Chinese people did not know what the mobile phone is. But(不用在开头) 20 years have passed, now, a child or even（为和把老人孤立出来说even呢？） a（an） old people know how to use a mobile phone to do something, such as tempting some excursion through the phone by manual service,（？可否解释下） ordering some food by calling, and etc.（and so on.TWE不要使用任何缩略词） Meanwhile, a recently survey will make this point more clear and acceptable: 1.25% of people knew the mobile phone before the revolution of China. Recently, 98% of the Chinese people, even the farmers, know the method in using mobile phone. In fact, China has became the biggest "mobile phone country" in the world.
Weighting the pros and cons of the topic, I strongly maintain the idea that the technology is benefit（simple or complicate?） to our life, not only for the convenience that car bring us, but also, for the comfortable that the mobile phone help to us.（仅仅是汽车和手机带来的吗？机械技术，电气技术，生物医学工程技术……还有很多啊）

有点跑题的说……
逻辑有点混乱，结构性也不是很强。
冒昧问一句，你是八几年或者九几年的生日？
我觉得你似乎一直在努力用上些“新”的单词来增加你得文采，但是文章不仅仅是因为词汇丰富而显得华丽的~在使用这些词汇时应该先弄清楚它们的用法和意思，不然文章看上去不仅没有文采，而且还有些晦涩难懂，有堆砌之嫌。我的英文水平也不高，不敢妄加评说，几点小的点评，仅供参考哈~

０００UID: 2601060

Nowadays, more and more people use the mobile phone(mobile phones) to communicate with each other（others？）, they send the messages, wonder on(是闲逛的意思吗？用surf on the Internet就好) the website, even more, phone is a best utility（用utility不合适,utility是不可数名词时指the amount of usefulness that something has,非要用的话可以说：phones have the best utility） to watch a video whenever you want. Friendly speaking(友好的说？), the technology has improved（我觉得用一般现在式比较合适） our life in every aspect, such as the excursion(不太明白科技怎么提高了“短途旅行”？), the style of our living, and the method（methods,与后面的复数对应） that we confront the difficulties.

The main reason for my perspective to(which) technology changes our life deeply is that technology can build a foundation in the automobile industry ( technology is the foundation to the automobile industry ). It alters the craft(craft一般指传统手工工艺) of manufacturing the car（cars）, allays the period of the assembling the engineering By this way, a car（cars） became popular in our country and became a essential element in our new lifestyle from（since） several decades ago. That is why there is(are) so many automobile(automobiles) including tracks and cars in(on) the avenues. Sometimes, you would doubt if you never（不好） saw a car in 1 hour. Because（可以.改，并作一句） that is a incredible thing（罗嗦了，直接that is almost/all but  incredible） in our modern society. In another word, you may think you were crazy at that time.(很搞笑的说……) Moving to a wider themes, I still conceive a statement that cars change our life. It is said that： " New car, new life." It is not only a groan（呻吟？？） that foment（语气太强了，一般指什么激起革命啊，事变啊……temtp/lead） people to buy a new car, but also, it is(不用逗号隔开，but also a important…) a important way to express the main idea which be held for the modern society's people(建议直接society). Let's bring our discussion to a more present and practical context.(去掉，或者直接for instance,) My friend chen, indeed, has a car which （加was） bought several years ago. And(and,but,so尽量不用在句首，这是上次帮我改作文的前辈说的，与上句连为一句就好哈~) he always used（always uses） his car to go shopping and touring. This is the typical example which shows an attitude that people to the car.
总结 科技是机械生产的基础 主题明确 例子细节不少 逻辑还不错 但是用词不是很好 跟我一样呵呵~~

Another equally significant factor why I advocate technology improve our lifestyle involves the communicating with others. At the Mediaeval echo（请教：这里是固定搭配吗？什么意思？）, people send the correspondence（直接letters吧，correspondence指各国或政府间的公函或商业信函） to their family members for the purpose of making them pleasure. But now，we change the old way to a more comfortable and convenient method--- take（making） a phone call. No one can deny that phone is our best "friend" because of it （its）function which can make attachment(意为喜爱，附件，想表达与朋友联系的话用which can let us keep in touch with our friends) to our friends. Obviously, it is imperative(不合适) that technology will enhance the character of the mobile phone for letting us more and more pleasure.（这句话没什么道理啊，而且letting us more and more pleasure,letting好像不能这样用吧……） I trust it without any reservation. History is replete with evidences to demonstrate this. A case in point has an association with my idea. In the1980s, Chinese people did not know what the mobile phone is. But(不用在开头) 20 years have passed, now, a child or even（为和把老人孤立出来说even呢？） a（an） old people know how to use a mobile phone to do something, such as tempting some excursion through the phone by manual service,（？可否解释下） ordering some food by calling, and etc.（and so on.TWE不要使用任何缩略词） Meanwhile, a recently survey will make this point more clear and acceptable: 1.25% of people knew the mobile phone before the revolution of China. Recently, 98% of the Chinese people, even the farmers, know the method in using mobile phone. In fact, China has became the biggest "mobile phone country" in the world.
总结 可以促进交流 很好

Weighting the pros and cons of the topic, I strongly maintain the idea that the technology is benefit（simple or complicate?） to our life, not only for the convenience that car bring us, but also, for the comfortable that the mobile phone help to us.（仅仅是汽车和手机带来的吗？机械技术，电气技术，生物医学工程技术……还有很多啊）

总结 lz这个文章可能有点跑题 但是我认为是这个题目不好写的问题 所以不用在意
     在文章中看到好多模版句子~~我比较喜欢因为我就这么用 刚开始写作文我认为用用还是不错的~~我现在就是这个水平
     文字部分二楼改的很好~为了我也能学习~所以在二楼基础上修改的 收获不小 感谢二楼