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[活动] TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组tensionhjj第十七次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-3-31 23:35:48 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to cooperate
with other well is more important today than in the past. Use specific reasons
and examples to support your answer.
03/04/07


Nowadays, some people may hold the opinion that the ability to cooperate with others well is more important today than in the past. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree the former point. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

One of the primary causes is that with today’s scence technology increasingly developing,people seem to be seperated by others.They feel lonely today than in the past.They always face to computers instead of
talking with people,which makes their lives dull.Computers and other science machines are so cold that people can not get the various feelings from them.However,cooperating with others make people completely shrug off lonliness and regain happiness in life.

But there is a fruther more subtle point we must consider. The ability to cooperate with others is a very remarkable capacity in the modern time and is growing quite dramatically.The majority of companies prefer to employ the person who can cooperate with others well rather than recruit the person who is poor in cooperating with others.Bosses believe that cooperating can,directly or indirectly,promote and progress the achievement of companies and a company with the staff who are pleased to cooperate with others will be more successful than the one in the oposite situation.

More importantly,the ability to cooperate with others well can,one way or another,lead you to a very nice person.People always like to cooperate with the persons who are easy to get along well with and the friends you make via cooperating will help you in your field.

General speaking,the ability to cooperate with others brings great amount of significance for any people in many ways.We can safely say that the world continues to turn and things have changed quickly,but we will never stop the attempts to promote the ability to cooperate with others.

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发表于 2009-4-2 13:33:17 |显示全部楼层
In today`s society(nowadays 太common了,尽量用短语代替一切单词), some people may hold the opinion that the ability to cooperate with others well is of more importance(尽量学会这种变换) today than in the past. But others hold a negative viewpoint. Coincident with the former ones` is my heart-felt agreement with the point that teamwork leads a more significant role in modern times than in the foretime.(学会这种过渡句形,很有用;多注意同义词的变化,尽量不要重复)The first reason that I want to say is that ,with the constantly changing science and technology, pepleo seem to be seperated from others . They feel more (比较了才能出现 than)lonely today than in the past . instead of stalking with people face to face , they tend to use computer to communicate with each other , which makes their lives of less interest . Computers and other technological  machines are so cold that people can not get the various feelings from them.However,cooperating with others make people completely shrug off lonliness and regain happiness in life.
But there is a fruther more subtle point we must consider. The ability to cooperate with others is a very remarkable capacity in the modern time and is growing quite dramatically.The majority of companies prefer to employ the person who can cooperate with others well rather than recruit the person who is poor in cooperating with others.Bosses believe that cooperating can,directly or indirectly,promote and progress the achievement of companies and a company with the staff who are pleased to cooperate with others will be more successful than the one in the oposite situation.
More importantly,the ability to cooperate with others well can,one way or another,lead you to a very nice person.People always like to cooperate with the persons who are easy to get along well with and the friends you make via cooperating will help you in your field.
General speaking,the ability to cooperate with others brings great amount of significance for any people in many ways.We can safely say that the world continues to turn and things have changed quickly,but we will never stop the attempts to promote the ability to cooperate with others.(先改这么多,要上课去了,楼主自己从改过的句子中体会一下,其他还有很多要改,自己先试试。我不罗嗦了)

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发表于 2009-4-2 21:31:46 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 桐庐钓徒 于 2009-4-2 22:06 编辑

^& N. P! m/ d: |- L" x2 v
" u. C# w5 U+ s  f* F0 H

Nowadays, some people may hold the opinion that the ability to cooperate with others well is more important today than in the past. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree the former point. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.



One of the primary causes is that with today’s scence(science?) technology increasingly developing,people seem to be seperated by others.They feel lonely today than in the past. (这里是不是没体现比较级?)They always face to computers instead of talking with people,which makes their lives dull.Computers and other science machines are so cold that people can not get the various feelings from them.However,cooperating with others make people completely shrug off lonliness and regain happiness in life.



But there is a fruther more subtle point we must consider. The ability to cooperate with others is a very remarkable capacity in the modern time and is growing quite dramatically. (ability与grow搭配感觉有点奇怪,换成类似develop这样的词效果会好一点)The majority of companies prefer to employ the person who can cooperate with others well rather than recruit the person who is poor in cooperating with others.Bosses believe that cooperating can,directly or indirectly,promote and progress the achievement of companies and a company with the staff who are pleased to cooperate with others will be more successful than the one in the oposite (opposite)situation.



More importantly,the ability to cooperate with others well can,one way or another,lead you to a very nice person.People always like to cooperate with the persons who are easy to get along well with and the friends you make via cooperating will help you in your field.



General speaking,the ability to cooperate with others brings great amount of significance for any people in many ways.We can safely say that the world continues to turn and things have changed quickly,but we will never stop the attempts to promote the ability to cooperate with others.

我的看法:句式可以更富于变化,比方说添加强调句、倒装句和复杂点的从句,措辞可以多使用一些高难托福词汇(虽然我自己也用不出什么— —)另外可以用更具体生动的例子支持你的观点。加油加油^ ^
P.S.我第一次改托福作文,完全没经验,不知道从何下手,给你的帮助可能不大,见谅^ ^

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发表于 2009-4-3 23:14:37 |显示全部楼层
谢谢你帮我改作文哈!!!

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RE: TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组tensionhjj第十七次作业 [修改]

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