TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组笨笨奔奔 第二十三次作业

笨笨奔奔UID: 2623534

2007.10.28
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how well his students perform. Give specific reasons and details to support your opinion

Teachers, an indispensable companion of every students during our school days, give our knowledge, confidence, courage and so like. Nowadays, there has been a public controversy issue about which people have divergent attitudes: whether teachers should be paid according to how well his students perform? As far as I am concerned, I am convinced that teachers is not the only determining one that influence students' perform.

It is true that teachers influenced on the way students think and behave. However, parents played an important role in students perform. Let's assume there is a 14-year-old girl. She has a teacher who consistently tells her that she should study work hard but not play computer all the time. At the same time, she has parents who were computer addicted to computer games after a long day's work. The girl cannot help playing games with her parents as soon as possible. Therefore, her score is very low in the final exam. But how can we say that the girl's score is low so that her teacher should be paid lowest?



In addition, how much or how well students learn depends on themselves. It is clear that there are some students get a high marks, but quite a few still have low marks. The teachers taught them the same things so why the results are different, we should serious consider this question. I think the more students pay, the more knowledge they obtain. The hard-working students may get a high marks. Sometimes it is nothing to do with how the teachers taught. It is important for students to work hard and consume the knowledge that the teachers taught as soon as possible. Here are some examples in our daily life, my classmate Lily does not like to study so she often get a low marks no matter how her teachers strict on her. Therefore, the teachers should certainly not be paid according to their students' perform.



Furthermore, teachers may arise their students pressure because their paid should be measured by their students perform. For instance, teachers may let their students learn many things and assign a lot of homework in order to add their paid. The students will have much pressure on their work and the efficiency of study will low and more importantly, this may reduce the interest of study for most students. So I strongly disagree with the issue which teachers' paid should be measured by their students perform.



To sum up, although teachers play an important role in the students in the school life, there are some other factors than can influence students' perform. We take some measures that if the students make progress in study, the teachers should be award some premium. Takeing into all the factors discussed above, we safely come to the conclusion that teachers should not be paid according to their students' perform.

gaofei323UID: 2588256

笨笨。。 这是你的作文么？ 托福作文可是要求300字的呀！

笨笨奔奔UID: 2623534

2# gaofei323
我回来晚了 刚才没有写完 怕不给我安排  我就先发了一段  不好意思

gaofei323UID: 2588256

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how well his students perform. Give specific reasons and details to support your opinion ( ?. w- B9 y. s$ v6 X5 T% ~: P

Teachers, an indispensable companion of every students during our school days, give our knowledge, confidence, courage and so like. Nowadays, there has been a public controversy issue about（好像attitude跟toward连用吧） which people have divergent attitudes: Whether teachers should be paid according to how well his students perform? As far as I am concerned, I am convinced that teachers is not the only determining one(one是代词，这里没有被指代的，factor) that influences students' performance（下同）.

WIt is true that teachers influenced on the way students think and behave. However, parents played an more（有个对比可能更好~）
important role in students performance. Let's assume there is a 14-year-old girl.(你可以直接编故事，说有个14岁的妹妹，这样更具体) She has a（感觉有点罗嗦 her） teacher who consistently tells her that she should study work hard but not play computer all the time. At the same time, she has（her） parents who were（时态不对应了） addicted to computer games after a long day's work. So（句子间有逻辑连词好一些），The girl cannot help playing games with her parents as soon as possible. Therefore, her score is very low in the final exam. But how can we say that the girl's score is low so that her teacher should be paid lowest（low，或者加定冠词the）?# g, Y( a4 [) |7 P6 ]" s% m


In addition, how much or how well students learn depends on themselves. It is clear that there are some students get a high marks, but quite a few still have low marks. The teachers taught them the same things so（but） why the results are different, we should seriously consider this question. I think the more efforts students pay, the more knowledge they obtain. The hard-working students may get a high marks. Sometimes it is nothing to do with how the teachers taught. It is important for students to work hard and consume(我不清楚有没有这样表达，感觉像中文，acquaint 好点) the knowledge that the teachers taught as soon as possible. Here are some examples in our daily life, my classmate Lily does not like to study so she often get a low marks no matter how her teachers strict on her. Therefore, the teachers should certainly not be paid according to their students' perform.（感觉理论太多，简洁一点比较好~例子可以适当再详细一些）
8 e5 D( c# T8 J+ ~* T1 t
! u4 H0 t1 H, \8 F
. q9 [9 C! D4 b5 x4 F" `

Furthermore, teachers may arise their students pressure because their paid should be measured by their students perform. For instance, teachers may let their students learn many（excessive,不然感觉老师也没有什么不对） things and assign a lot of（unbearable） homework in order to add their paid（payment）. The students will have much pressure on their work and the efficiency of study will be low and more importantly, this may reduce the interests of studying for most students. So I strongly disagree with the issue which teachers' paid should be measured by their students perform.(这段缺少说理，虽然也可以，但稍微一两句更好)
To sum up, although teachers play an important role in the students in the school life, there are some other factors than can influence students' perform. We take some measures that if the students make progress in study, the teachers should be award some premium(这句话。。跟主题没多大关系). Taking into all the factors discussed above, we safely come to the conclusion that teachers should not be paid according to their students' perform.

小建议：1 词性要熟悉，不能乱用

2 段子的结构优化一下，说理加举例，我感觉例子更重要

3 句式多换一下，感觉14岁女孩的段落句子比较单一
总的来说还不错~ 内容比较充实，结构完整，也很连贯~
第一次交作业~鼓励一下~ 继续加油！Good luck！