0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 byJulymay

JulymayUID: 2645085

173、The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."


因为是第一次写，所以感觉很糟糕~~~哎，路漫漫其修远兮……
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Through a series of inferences, this memorandum suggest that decreasing the emphasis of international news and avoiding pictures about such stories putted on the magazine covers can improve the sale of the publication. This judgment is based on three factors: the poorest-selling magazines in the past three yesrs all had the covers about international news; the competing magazines have already being reduced the number of cover stories about international news ;and the expenses of international part is growing. This conclusion seems to be reasonable with a quickly glance. However, it is not difficulty to find some logical mistakes after putting a closer analysis on it.

Firstly, the same theme of the front covers which were coincidentally uesd in the past three year's poorest-sellig magzines can not infer the conclusion -- it is the front covers that lead to the poor sale of the magzine.There is no denying that some customors choose magzines by their front covers. But as for newsmagzines, the sale is, on large degree, based on the long-termed evaluation. So the front covers' effect of sale, particularly newsmagines' sale, is very weak. Furthermore, those who buy magzines according to their front covers are minor, and it can be infer that they are not so interested in news information. For the long run, these consumers only can effect the sale of the magzine in a limit scale which could not last a long time, either. As it is known to all, the factors that cause poor sale are variety, such as the level of articles, the quality of printing, the amount of materials and so on. In comparision with them, the front covers' effect can even be dismissed. Just like measuring the height of sea wave, in comparision with that of hurrican and earthquake ,the effect of ship passing can not be taken into account. So the conclusion the author maked that the international news front covers lead to poor sale is as ridiculous as saying that the passing ships cause a tsunami. Rather than examin the little point, the author should overlook the whole problem. It is the right way to serve the question about poor sale.

Secondly, according to the recommendation,the reason why he draw such great attention to the front covers is the author's hotility and precaution to his competitor. Under the pressure of profit and efficiency, the author is driven to be so intense that whatever change maked by the competitor will be regard as a measure leading to outstriping him. The causes making the competitor to decreasing the number of international news front covers can be variety: herhaps the competing newsmagzines are in the period of style changing; herhaps there are more interesting events need to reported in other field; and even perhaps the photographer of international news had resigned. Failing to offering the investigation on either the reason of competitor's change or the real purpose of the competitor, the author,unexpectedly, suggests to imitate the competitor with undetermined direction. It seems to be a little bit arbitrary. Even though, the purpose of the competitor is really to improve sale, there are lack of evidences to show the rightness of the order. It leave the feability of the suggestion to discuss.

Finally, holding the fact that the cost of international news is increasing, the author thinks it is beneficial to decreasing the emphasis on international news. This logic is more obsurd. Just as no country will decrease its emphasis on education even if the cost of education is increasing and increasing, the increase of the cost can not be the reason to decrease the emphasis now and ever. What is more, the reasons that cause the increase are not mentioned in the memorandum. Maybe the nation the reporters stay in is inflated or it is sticking to a roily political situation or a virus is spreading in that nation......If the reason is just like those above, decreasing the emphasis will lead to a poorer sale, just on the countary of author's expect.

In sum, the conclusion the author make in this memorandum can hardly be received. Only if the author place the conclusion on the foundation of considering all great elements that can effect the sale, combine the conlusion with the thorough analysis about the competitor and put the problem of cost into a comprehensive circumstance, could he find out an effective measure to serve the poor sale.

___________________________________________-我不得不说这个第一篇文章实在是失败~~然后我发现我的word没有检查拼写错误的功能~~~这是我的修改版，艾尘草居然能有耐心看我之前那一篇破绽百出的文章，我无比感激~~~

Through a series of inferences, this memorandum suggests that decreasing the emphasis on international news and avoiding pictures about such stories putted on the magazine covers can improve the sales of the publication. This judgment is based on three factors: the poorest-selling magazines in the past three yesrs all had the covers about international news; the competing magazines have already been reducing the number of cover stories about international news ;and the expenses of international part is growing. This conclusion seems to be reasonable with a quickly glance. However, it is not difficulty to find some logical mistakes after putting a closer analysis on it.

Firstly, the theme of the front covers which were
uesd in the past three year's poorest-sellig magazines does not justify the conclusion -- it is the front covers that leads to the poor sales of the magazine.There is no denying that some customors choose magazines by their front covers. But as for newsmagzines, the sale is, on large degree, based on the long-termed evaluation. So the front covers' effect of sale, particularly newsmagines' sale, is very weak. Furthermore, those who buy magazines according to their front covers are minor, and it can be infer that they are not so interested in news information. For the long run, these consumers only can effect （affect）the sale of the magazines in a limit scale which could not last a long time, either. As it is known to all, the factors that cause poor sale are varied, such as the levels of articles, the quality of printing, the amount of materials and so on. In comparision with them, the front covers' effect can even be dismissed. Just like measuring the height of sea wave, in comparision with that of a hurrican and earthquake ,the effect of a ship passing can not be taken into account. So the conclusion the author made that the international news front covers lead to poor sale is as ridiculous as believing that the passing ships cause a tsunami. Rather than examin the minor point, the author should overlook the whole problem. It is the right way to serve the question about poor sale.

Secondly, according to the recommendation,the reason why he draw such great attention to the front covers is the author's hostility and precaution to his competitor. Under the pressure of profit and efficiency, the author is driven to be so intense that whatever change made by the competitor will be regard as a measure to outstriping（outstrip）him. The causes making the competitor to decreasing the number of international news front covers can be variety: perhaps the competing newsmagazines are in the period of style changing; perhaps there are more interesting events need to reported in other fields; and even perhaps the photographer of international news had resigned. Failing to offer the investigation on either the reason of competitor's change or the real purpose of the competitor, the author, unexpectedly, suggests to imitate the competitor with undetermined direction. It seems to be a little bit arbitrary. Even though, the purpose of the competitor is really to improve sale, there are lack of evidences to show the rightness of the order. It leave the feasibility of the suggestion to discuss.

Finally, holding the fact that the cost of international news is increasing, the author thinks it is beneficial to decreasing the emphasis on international news. This logic is even more absurd. Just as no country will decrease its emphasis on education even if the cost of education is progressively increasing, the increase of the cost can not be the reason to decrease the emphasis now and ever. What is more, the reasons that cause the increase are not mentioned in the memorandum.（ Maybe the nation the reporters stay in is inflated or it is sticking to a roily political situation or a virus is spreading in that nation......）Maybe the nation the reporters stay are experiencing in a inflation or a roily political situation or a virus which is spreading nationwild…..If the reason is just like those above, decreasing the emphasis will lead to a poorer sale, just against the author's expectation.

In sum, the conclusion the author made in this memorandum can hardly be accepted. Only if the author places the conclusion on the foundation of considering all great elements that can effect the sale, combines the conlusion with the thorough analysis about the competitor and puts the problem of cost into a comprehensive circumstance, could he find out an effective measure to solve the problem of the poor sale.

艾尘草UID: 2591798

Through a series of inferences, this memorandum suggests that decreasing the emphasis of on international news and avoiding pictures about such stories putted on the magazine covers can improve the sales of the publication. This judgment is based on three factors: the poorest-selling magazines in the past three yesrs all had the covers about international news; the competing magazines have already being reduced the number of cover stories about international news ;and the expenses of international part is growing. This conclusion seems to be reasonable with a quickly glance. However, it is not difficulty to find some logical mistakes after putting a closer analysis on it.
Firstly, the same theme of the front covers which were coincidentally uesd in the past three year's poorest-sellig magzines() can not inferthe conclusion -- it is the front covers that lead to the poor sale of the magzine.There is no denying that some customors choose magzines by their front covers. But as for newsmagzines, the sale is, on large degree, based on the long-termed evaluation. So the front covers' effect of sale, particularly newsmagines' sale, is very weak. Furthermore, those who buy magzines according to their front covers are minor, and it can be infer that they are not so interested in news information. For the long run, these consumers only can effect the sale of the magzine in a limit scale which could not last a long time, either. As it is known to all, the factors that cause poor sale are variety, such as the levels of articles, the quality of printing, the amount of materials and so on. In comparision with them, the front covers' effect can even be dismissed. Just like measuring the height of sea wave, in comparision with that of hurrican and earthquake ,the effect of ship passing can not be taken into account. So the conclusion the author maked that the international news front covers lead to poor sale is as ridiculous as saying that the passing ships cause a tsunami. Rather than examin the little point, the author should overlook(这个词汇是忽视的意思~) the whole problem. It is the right way to serve the question about poor sale.

Secondly, according to the recommendation,the reason why he draw such great attention to the front covers is the author's hotility and precaution to his competitor. Under the pressure of profit and efficiency, the author is driven to be so intense that whatever change maked by the competitor will be regard as a measure leading to outstriping him. The causes making the competitor to decreasing the number of international news front covers can be variety: herhaps the competing newsmagzines are in the period of style changing; herhaps there are more interesting events need to reported in other field; and even perhaps the photographer of international news had resigned. Failing to offering the investigation on either the reason of competitor's change or the real purpose of the competitor, the author,unexpectedly, suggests to imitate the competitor with undetermined direction. It seems to be a little bit arbitrary. Even though, the purpose of the competitor is really to improve sale, there are lack of evidences to show the rightness of the order. It leave the feability of the suggestion to discuss.

Finally, holding the fact that the cost of international news is increasing, the author thinks it is beneficial to decreasing the emphasis on international news. This logic is more obsurd. Just as no country will decrease its emphasis on education even if the cost of education is increasing and increasing, the increase of the cost can not be the reason to decrease the emphasis now and ever. What is more, the reasons that cause the increase are not mentioned in the memorandum. Maybe the nation the reporters stay in is inflated or it is sticking to a roily political situation or a virus is spreading in that nation......If the reason is just like those above, decreasing the emphasis will lead to a poorer sale, just on the countary of author's expect.

In sum, the conclusion the author make in this memorandum can hardly be received. Only if the author place the conclusion on the foundation of considering all great elements that can effect the sale, combine the conlusion with the thorough analysis about the competitor and put the problem of cost into a comprehensive circumstance, could he find out an effective measure to serve the poor sale.


呵呵~第一篇文章写成这个样子已经很赞了  ^_^比我的好多啦 哈哈

但是这个同学有很多药注意的地方，比如拼写和英语基本功 make的过去时态是made 不是maked 等等，这些都要认认真真的改正啊，因为细节决定命运啊
语言的组织有些重复，逻辑还可以 很有发展潜力，希望小筒子可以加紧练习，多多阅读，我们共同提高哈~
红色标注的都是错误的单词~改正错误 弄好基本功 才是最重要

艾尘草UID: 2591798

注释 上面的错误可能是语法 也可能是拼写~

JulymayUID: 2645085

3# 艾尘草
真的非常感谢~~~
从来没有在电脑上面写过文章，所以最开始一片茫然
到现在脑子还是一片纠结
我会仔仔细细再看看自己的文章的
谢谢小草（这样称呼没关系吧）这么快就改出来了

刚刚好UID: 2599482

Through a series of inferences, this memorandum suggests that decreasing the emphasis on international news and avoiding pictures about such stories putted on the magazine covers can improve the sales of the publication. This judgment is based on three factors: the poorest-selling magazines in the past three yesrs all had the covers about international news; the competing magazines have already been reducing the number of cover stories about international news ;and the expenses of international part is growing. This conclusion seems to be reasonable with a quickly glance. However, it is not difficulty（difficult） to find some logical mistakes after putting a closer analysis on it.

Firstly, the theme of the front covers which were uesd in the past three year's poorest-sellig magazines does not justify the conclusion -- it is the front covers that leads to the poor sales of the magazine.There is no denying that some customors choose magazines by their front covers. But as for newsmagzines, the sale is, on large degree, based on the long-termed evaluation. So the front covers' effect of sale, particularly newsmagines' sale, is very weak. Furthermore, those who buy magazines according to their front covers are minor, and it can be infer that they are not so interested in news information. For the long run, these consumers only can effect （affect）the sale of the magazines in a limit scale which could not last a long time, either. As it is known to all, the factors that cause poor sale are varied, such as the levels of articles, the quality of printing, the amount of materials and so on. In comparision with them, the front covers' effect can even be dismissed. Just like measuring the height of sea wave, in comparision with that of a hurrican and earthquake ,the effect of a ship passing can not be taken into account. So the conclusion the author made that the international news front covers lead to poor sale is as ridiculous as believing that the passing ships cause a tsunami. (很棒的比喻，学习了)
Rather than examin the minor point, the author should overlook the whole problem. It is the right way to serve the question about poor sale.

Secondly, according to the recommendation,the reason why he draw such great attention to the front covers is the author's hostility and precaution to his competitor（题目用的是复数）. Under the pressure of profit and efficiency, the author is driven to be so intense that whatever change made by the competitor will be regarded as a measure to outstriping（outstrip）him. The causes making the competitor to decreasing（make do） the number of international news front covers can be variety: perhaps the competing newsmagazines are in the period of style changing; perhaps there are more interesting events need to reported in other fields; and even perhaps the photographer of international news had resigned. Failing to offer the investigation on either the reason of competitor's change or the real purpose of the competitor, the author, unexpectedly, suggests to imitate the competitor with undetermined direction. It seems to be a little bit arbitrary. Even though, the purpose of the competitor is really to improve sale, there are lack of evidences to show the rightness of the order. It leave the feasibility of the suggestion to discuss(我不清楚应该是to discuss还是to be discussed,请作者赐教).

Finally, holding the fact that the cost of international news is increasing, the author thinks it is beneficial to decreasing（decrease）the emphasis on international news. This logic is even more absurd. Just as no country will decrease its emphasis on education even if the cost of education is progressively increasing, the increase of the cost can not be the reason to decrease the emphasis now and ever(用教育开支做比方这点我不太懂，教育开支不能减少可以理解，但是还是没有说明为什么不能减少国外新闻的开支啊). What is more, the reasons that cause the increase are not mentioned in the memorandum.（Maybe the nation the reporters stay in is inflated or it is sticking to a roily political situation or a virus is spreading in that nation......）Maybe the nation the reporters stay are experiencing in a inflation or a roily political situation or a virus which is spreading nationwild…..（为啥政治原因和病毒蔓延会导致价格上涨尼？）If the reason is just like those above, decreasing the emphasis will lead to a poorer sale, just against the author's expectation.

In sum, the conclusion the author made in this memorandum can hardly be accepted. Only if the author places the conclusion on the foundation of considering all great elements that can effect the sale, combines the conlusion with the thorough analysis about the competitor and puts the problem of cost into a comprehensive circumstance, could he find out an effective measure to solve the problem of the poor sale.

在你改好的基础上改的，感觉就像是加长版范文啊，他因很好，语言很棒，很让人羡慕。思考的很全面，向作者学习！

JulymayUID: 2645085

感谢刚刚好帮我修改文章
下面是一点我自己的意见
蓝色是我后来写的
红色是刚刚好的改动
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Through a series of inferences, this memorandum suggests that decreasing the emphasis on international news and avoiding pictures about such stories putted on the magazine covers can improve the sales of the publication. This judgment is based on three factors: the poorest-selling magazines in the past three yesrs all had the covers about international news; the competing magazines have already been reducing the number of cover stories about international news ;and the expenses of international part is growing. This conclusion seems to be reasonable with a quickly glance. However, it is not difficulty（difficult）这个……基于我很烂的英语功底，犯这种低级错误，真是不好意思 to find some logical mistakes after putting a closer analysis on it.

Firstly, the theme of the front covers which were uesd in the past three year's poorest-sellig magazines does not justify the conclusion -- it is the front covers that leads to the poor sales of the magazine.There is no denying that some customors choose magazines by their front covers. But as for newsmagzines, the sale is, on large degree, based on the long-termed evaluation. So the front covers' effect of sale, particularly newsmagines' sale, is very weak. Furthermore, those who buy magazines according to their front covers are minor, and it can be infer that they are not so interested in news information. For the long run, these consumers only can effect （affect）the sale of the magazines in a limit scale which could not last a long time, either. As it is known to all, the factors that cause poor sale are varied, such as the levels of articles, the quality of printing, the amount of materials and so on. In comparision with them, the front covers' effect can even be dismissed. Just like measuring the height of sea wave, in comparision with that of a hurrican and earthquake ,the effect of a ship passing can not be taken into account. So the conclusion the author made that the international news front covers lead to poor sale is as ridiculous as believing that the passing ships cause a tsunami. (很棒的比喻，学习了)
Rather than examin the minor point, the author should overlook the whole problem. It is the right way to serve the question about poor sale.

Secondly, according to the recommendation,the reason why he draw such great attention to the front covers is the author's hostility and precaution to his competitor（题目用的是复数）恩，研究题目的时间不够，下次会注意，谢谢了. Under the pressure of profit and efficiency, the author is driven to be so intense that whatever change made by the competitor will be regarded as a measure to outstriping（outstrip）him. The causes making the competitor to decreasing（make do） the number of international news front covers can be variety: perhaps the competing newsmagazines are in the period of style changing; perhaps there are more interesting events need to reported in other fields; and even perhaps the photographer of international news had resigned. Failing to offer the investigation on either the reason of competitor's change or the real purpose of the competitor, the author, unexpectedly, suggests to imitate the competitor with undetermined direction. It seems to be a little bit arbitrary. Even though, the purpose of the competitor is really to improve sale, there are lack of evidences to show the rightness of the order. It leaves the feasibility of the suggestion to discuss(我不清楚应该是to discuss还是to be discussed,请作者赐教).

Finally, holding the fact that the cost of international news is increasing, the author thinks it is beneficial to decreasing（decrease）the emphasis on international news. This logic is even more absurd. Just as no country will decrease its emphasis on education even if the cost of education is progressively increasing, the increase of the cost can not be the reason to decrease the emphasis now and ever(用教育开支做比方这点我不太懂，教育开支不能减少可以理解，但是还是没有说明为什么不能减少国外新闻的开支啊). 是这样的，我觉得国际新闻开支之于新闻杂志和教育开支之于国家是对等的，所以才这样写。刚刚好这样一说，我觉得这一点论述好像是有问题，最好强调一下国际新闻对于杂志的重要性才比较好，你觉得呢？What is more, the reasons that cause the increase are not mentioned in the memorandum.（Maybe the nation the reporters stay in is inflated or it is sticking to a roily political situation or a virus is spreading in that nation......）Maybe the nation the reporters stay are experiencing in a inflation or a roily political situation or a virus which is spreading nationwild…..（为啥政治原因和病毒蔓延会导致价格上涨尼？）我好像和之前犯了同样的错误，我觉得政治动荡和病毒蔓延会导致社会经济环境动荡，那物价的不稳定就可以预见了。If the reason is just like those above, decreasing the emphasis will lead to a poorer sale, just against the author's expectation.

In sum, the conclusion the author made in this memorandum can hardly be accepted. Only if the author places the conclusion on the foundation of considering all great elements that can effect the sale, combines the conlusion with the thorough analysis about the competitor and puts the problem of cost into a comprehensive circumstance, could he find out an effective measure to solve the problem of the poor sale.