0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by galloper A13蘅芜雪

蘅芜雪UID: 2646650

ARGUMENT 173  （新修改的在下面第三楼，烦请下一位修改的同学帮我看下）
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a
newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."



The publisher suggests decreasing the emphasis on international news and the amount of such stories on the magazine covers with the fact that poorest-selling magazines are with such covers. What’s more, the cost on reporting international news gets higher and competitors have decreased the number of such cover stories. The conclusion seems quite reasonable with all these evidences; however, it’s in fact unconvincing with flaws through the argument.

First, the publisher hasty attributes the responsibility on poorest-selling to covers that contains the international news stories. Since poor selling is due to dimensional reasons, for example, boring writing, high prices or even unappealing cover design, such hasty conclusion is unfair. Since international news is often one of the most important parts of magazines and there is no evidence showing that it doesn’t appeal to readers now, the publisher should consider more about the internal problems about the writing on international news like topic selection, writing style, etc. and thus offer the improvement on such aspects rather than hasty decrease the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories. Without offering a more complete research on the essential reason that lead to disappointing selling, the publisher cannot convince me that.

Second, the publisher fails to consider other motivations about the actions that competitors decreasing the number of cover stories about international news and overlooked the potential development opportunities. Besides the possibilities that competitors tried to interest the audience with other kinds of contents, potential possibilities that they are unable to control such contents exist. As a result, the fact that competitors decrease the amount of reported international news may mean the opportunity for the magazine to control the leading position of reporting such news.

Third, though the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus is increasing, it doesn’t necessarily equal to detailing on profits. Since certain amount of cost isn’t provided by the publisher, the effect brought by such cost isn’t uncertain. If, as discussed above, the publisher take the correct action and control the leading position in reporting international news, such increase on cost may affect little on overall profit of the magazine. Thus, the conclusion of decrease the amount of reporting international news seems quite hasty. Necessarily after providing the certain amount of increase of cost and the estimated profit can the argument be stronger founded.

To sum up, though the publisher offers a lot of facts trying to certificate his approval to decrease the amount of international news stories, s/he probably fails to build a more convincing relationship between such facts. Without offering a more complete research about the reasons of disappointing selling results, the conclusion is too hasty to be approved.

snail8843UID: 2516929

1# 蘅芜雪

The publisher suggests decreasing the emphasis on international news and the amount of such stories on the magazine covers with the fact that poorest-selling magazines are with such covers. (这句子很不通顺啊)What’s more, the cost on reporting international news gets higher and competitors have decreased the number of such cover stories. The conclusion seems quite reasonable with all these evidences; however, it’s in fact unconvincing with flaws through the argument.

First, the publisher hasty attributes the responsibility on poorest-selling to covers that contains the international news stories. Since poor selling is due to dimensional reasons, for example, boring writing, high prices or even unappealing cover design, such hasty conclusion is unfair. Since international news is often one of the most important parts of magazines and there is no evidence showing that it doesn’t appeal to readers now, the publisher should consider more about the internal problems about the writing on international news like topic selection, writing style, etc. and thus offer the improvement on such aspects rather than hasty decrease the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories（这个内容显得多余）. Without offering a more complete research on the essential reason that lead to disappointing selling, the publisher cannot convince me that.（首先指出销量下降的诸多原因，然后又建议了一遍改怎么做，这样显得冗余，我觉得指出其他方面的原因就可以了，建议可以放在结尾段简要陈述，关键问题是找错误，而没有必要过多的建议作者改如何做，做也改放在最有一段来阐述。）

Second, the publisher fails to consider other motivations about the actions that competitors decreasing the number of cover stories about international news and overlooked the potential development opportunities. Besides the possibilities that competitors tried to interest the audience with other kinds of contents, potential possibilities that they are unable to control such contents exist.（无法控制什么？） As a result, the fact that competitors decrease the amount of reported international news may mean the opportunity for the magazine to control the leading position of reporting such news.(你指出的对手降低国际性报道的原因无法证明我们没有必要减少国际性报道。感觉这段论点和论据无法驳作者的结论。)

Third, though the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus is increasing, it doesn’t necessarily equal to detailing（？detail？） on profits. Since certain amount of cost isn’t provided by the publisher, the effect brought by such cost isn’t uncertain. If, as discussed above, the publisher take the correct action and control the leading position in reporting international news, such increase on cost may affect little on overall profit of the magazine. Thus, the conclusion of decrease the amount of reporting international news seems quite hasty. Necessarily after providing the certain amount of increase of cost and the estimated profit can the argument be stronger founded.（攻击作者没有提供成本具体增加值，感觉这个错误不是个主要的错误）

To sum up, though the publisher offers a lot of facts trying to certificate his approval to decrease the amount of international news stories, s/he(不能简写的!) probably fails to build a more convincing relationship between such facts. Without offering a more complete research about the reasons of disappointing selling results, the conclusion is too hasty to be approved.

蘅芜雪UID: 2646650

这是我修改的~~~不知道行不行呢~下一位修改的同学能帮我看下不~

By offering the fact that those issues that featured international news stories on their front covers were poorest-selling over the past three years, during which time the competitors decrease the numbers of such covers, the publisher assumes that such stories may be not popular. With the cost of maintaining the bureaus to report such new is increasing, the publisher then suggest that emphasis on international news should be decreased. The suggestion seems enhancing yet unconvincing for its ill foundation.

First, the speaker may confuse the real cause of poor-selling and hasty contribute it to the choosing of subject. Poorest-selling magazine issues that featured international news stories on their front covers may results from the poor writing, ill angle of dictating of such stories, or even unattractive design of covers. With the reasons discussed above, the notion that emphasis on such subject should be decreased is unwarranted. After all, international news is often the most important part of magazines. Without a complete research on readers’ taste, it’s too hasty to contribute such failure to the subject.

Even the phenomena that competitors decrease the amount of reported international news would not be sufficed enough to prove that such subject is not appealing. The publisher doesn’t offer the sale achievement the competitors gained after they decrease the number of cover stories that devoted to international news. If the sale is disappointing, the defense would fail to support the suggestion. Further, the publisher fails to consider the potential development possibility in the domain of international news because the withdraw of competitors is a chance for the magazine to monopoly such subject in the market.

What’s more, the selling result remains uncertain even the cost of international news bureau is increasing because whether such increasing cost can be carried well in current situation is not provided. If the cost is worthy and would bring more economic interests to the magazine, it’s unwarranted to decrease the amount of international news. Without a deep analyzing of possible future of such measurement, the publisher could not convince me of that.

To sum up, the publisher confused the cause and the affect and fails to provide a complete consideration on the reason of bad sale. Thus, the suggestion made by the publisher is hasty and unconvincing. All in all, such preference could only convince me if the publisher offers more details about the taste of audience, the competition environment and a full evaluation of the magazine.

xiang427UID: 2649178

A31 修改
By offering the fact that those issues that featured international news stories on their front covers were poorest-selling over the past three years, （during which time可省略，简洁一点） the competitors decrease the numbers of such covers, the publisher assumes that such stories may be not popular. With the cost of maintaining the bureaus to report such new is increasing, the publisher then suggests that emphasis on international news should be decreased. The suggestion seems enhancing yet unconvincing for its ill foundation.

First, the speaker may confuse the real cause of poor-selling and hasty contribute it to the choosing of subject. Poorest-selling magazine issues that featured international news stories on their front covers may results from the poor writing, ill angle（没见过这种表达） of dictating of such stories, or even unattractive design of covers. With the reasons discussed above, the notion that emphasis on such subject should be decreased is unwarranted. After all, international news is often the most important part of magazines（这不一定吧）. Without a complete research on readers’ taste, it’s too hasty to contribute such failure to the subject.

Even the phenomena that competitors decrease the amount of reported international news would not be sufficed（去掉be，sufficiently） enough to prove that such subject is not appealing. The publisher doesn’t offer the sale achievement the competitors gained after they decreased（时态要一致） the number of cover stories that devoted to international news. If the sale is disappointing, the defense would fail to support the suggestion. Further, the publisher fails to consider the potential development possibility in the domain of international news because the withdraw of competitors is a chance for the magazine to monopoly such subject in the market.

What’s more, the selling result remains uncertain even the cost of international news bureau is increasing because whether such increasing cost can be carried well in current situation is not provided. If the cost is worthy and would bring more economic interests to the magazine, it’s unwarranted to（it should not） decrease the amount of international news. Without a deep analyzing of（省略） possible future of such measurement, the publisher could not convince me of that.

To sum up, the publisher confused the cause and the affect and fails to provide a complete consideration on the reasons of bad sale. Thus, the suggestion made by the publisher is hasty and unconvincing. All in all, such preference could only（may） convince me if the publisher offers more details about the taste of audience（readers）, the competition（competing） environment and a full evaluation of the magazine.（最后这句话不通顺吧）