[YB2]7月3日作业 by 2519545

lossingzoneUID: 2519545

13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

总观点：同意挽救语言的做法，因为语言承载着一个民族的文化，是一个民族的精神寄托。但挽救需要采取开放包容的态度，只有积极和其他语言融合，一种语言才会充满生命力，否则再努力也改变不了消亡的命运。
1.提出总观点。
2.退一步去讨论语言：语言是人和人沟通的桥梁；既然作为沟通的桥梁，一种语言越便于沟通，应该就越容易存活。而少人说的语言不便于广泛交流，其消亡是必然而不值得惋惜
3.但是！！对说这种语言的人来说，这种挽救非常有必要。语言承载着一个民族的文化，是一个民族的精神寄托。失去了自己的语言，也就失去了自己的文化，失去自己的历史，失去了自己的根(root)。例子：澳大利亚的土著人，很多小孩被政府带走接受西方教育，完全失去了他们的文字，失去了他们的文明，他们的历史。
4.因此，对于当地政府来说，这种挽救是非常有意义的，即使对外界来说他们的做法非常无意义。不过，应该采取开放和包容的态度，既要挽救自己的语言，又要看到语言只有和其他语言相互交流和融合才能有强大的生命力，才能得到更广泛的认同。
Language, basis of a nation's culture, is the home of a nation's mind. As a result, it's urgent for the goverments to keep their languages from extinct. However,the protection measures should be based on an open attitude. A language would exists only if it communicates with others.
Without careful consideration, it seems that there is no need to save a language which has fewer and fewer people to speak it. From the aspect of utilitarianizm, a language which is spoken by just a few people does no good to the whole society. The most importance of language is communicate. If there are very few people speak it, how can the native speakers communicate with the outside world? For example, there are many languages spoken by different tribles in Africa, most the these speakers know other languages, and very few people other than these tribes know their languages. Obviously, it's too hard for them to communicate with the outside world. From this aspect, it sounds good to let this language become extinct. Maybe many people would claim that it is not a pity for such languages to disappear from this world at all. What's such language exist for? It becomes unconvinient to use such languages in modern world, since most of us nowadays are forced to communicate with the world far away from us.
However, such opinion is superficial. If this viewpoint is right, do we need to abandon most of our languages, and speak a uniform language? Is it easy for all of us to communicate with each of us speak the same language? While it sounds wonderful, despite of political, cultural and historic factors, there are other considerations as well. A language, in essence, not only a tool of communicating, but more deeply, a container of a nation's culture, the harbor of a nation's heart. It is not merely the loss of a communicating tool but also the loss of a nation's culture if their language becomes extinct. Without their own language, where is their culture and history? As we know, a nation's culture and history are always contained in their languages. Verbal or written, the history of the nation is passing down from generation to generation. Without their own language, how can their culture and history pass down to the next generations? Take Australia's native resident for example, their history has been more than 5 thousands years according to historians. However, in the last century, the goverment of Australia forced the children of these native residents leave their hometown and move into the cities to adopt English as their language and accept western culture. Such policy has resulted in disaster to these native nations. Their languages are going to die out, and their cultures is at the stage of disapear. Moreover, these children often feel lonely and homeless after they growing up, because they don't know where is their root.
Undoubtly, it's important for the goverment of a nation to protect their language from disapearing. However, this not means that not to use other languages. Unless there is a unique languange, one or more other languages are always needed to act as a bridge to connect the nation and the outside world. Moreover, for the language itself, it should adopt a open attitude to allow some elements of other languages to commune with it. By doing this, the language would be more adaptive, more popular. As we know, even English, the most popular language today, develops new words or other elements from other languages from time to time. More contact with other languages, it's more likely for a language to exist.

53Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

1、调查无说服力，样本太少，无代表性；婴儿的mild  distress不代表羞愧，也可以是恐惧，或者快乐。
2、没有证据表明melatonin会导致婴儿害羞。没有提供科学依据说明其功用，也没证明是否对婴儿有影响。甚至没有说明是对母亲或是胎儿有影响。
3、结论武断，而忽略其他因素。生活环境，父母影响，个人经历，人的性格也会收后天因素影响的。
The author claims that more melattonin before birth cause shyness during infacy and this shyness will continue in the future, just based on a unconvincing survey thirteen years ago and a study recently. Oviously, such conclusion is logically flawed and hence not convincing.
First of all, the creditily of the survey should be questioned. It doesn't contain enough samples to support its conclusion. The researchers just studied a group of 25 infants. No contrast groups are mentioned. How can they draw out any conclusions without cnotrast groups? With the experiment results by other researchers before their experiment? The author say nothing about it, just tell us they carried out an experiment, with only one group of 25 infants, and then drawed out the conclusion. It seems a little absurd. Without more information about the experiment, the conclusion is just like a building built on the sand, not substantly. Moreover, it's unsure that what mild distress represents. It can be afraid of something, it can be joy, not neccesarily shyness.
Second, it's not enough to show that melatonin would bring the infants shyness. The author said that melatonin as a kind of hormone would affect some brain functions, however, what functions are affected by it? We don't know. Maybe it can make the infants more bravely, in the contrast. Even melatonin can make infants feel shy, another issue apears. Does the melatonin containing in the mother pass to the infant? If not, the melatonin containing in the infants may not increased. Even all the above holds, there is no testimony to show that the mothers in the experiment generate more melatonin than other mothers. The first reason is we are not sure whether less daylight would result in more melatonin, for the second reason, even the assumption that less daylight make people generate more melatonin, however, there are many other factors that influence the generation of melatonin, not only daylight. Without taking other factors into consideration, it's not suffice to say that these mothers actually generate more melatonin.
Thirdly, even concede that melatonin make the infants feel shy, however, there are many other elments that influencing the character of children. Living conditions, the infuence of parents, education, personal experience, these factors play very important role in the delelopment of a person's character. Einstein, famous for his relativity theory and the winners of two Noble prizes, is a very shy when he is young. However, as he exposed more and more in public, the shyness become less and less and nearly disapeared.
In sum, the memo contains fatal flaws and the conclusion is not convincing.

cclayaUID: 2625096

蓝色字体是拼写错误或不地道的词语搭配
红色字体是结构逻辑问题

Language, basis of a nation's culture, is the home of a nation's mind (这种说法有点怪，可改成 the spiritual sustenance of a nation). As a result, (此处直接引出结论显得略微突兀，之前应先提到语言的衰退，再提出政府should如何如何，逻辑上会更通顺些) it's urgent for the governments to keep their languages from extinct. However,the protection measures should be based on an open attitude (很少这样说，一般都用open mind，且不可数). A language would exists only if it communicates with others （这里存在逻辑错误，语言是不能communicate的，而是用来communicate的，如果想强调语言的融合，应该用merge这个词。但如果融合于其他语言，对于原本的语言也是另一种形式的丧失。不知作者是否本意是想强调语言应有与时俱进的变化？）.

cclayaUID: 2625096

Without careful consideration, it seems that there is no need to save a language which has fewer and fewer people to speak it(这句话犯了典型的中式英语错误，不能说"语言have people to speak"，应改为there be句型). From the aspect of utilitarianism, a language which is spoken by just a few people does no good to the whole society.(这句话中dose no good 的说法无逻辑可言，可换种说法 there is no need that a language which is spoken by just a few people still exists in the society.) The most importance（最高级应修饰形容词，改为 the most important function） of a(此处要加冠词) language is communicate（此处应改为名词communication）. If there are very few people speak it, how can the native speakers communicate with the outside world? For example, there are many languages spoken by different tribes in Africa, most of these speakers know other languages, and very few people other than these tribes know their languages(这句话应为转折关系且有语病，可改为 but very few other people know their languages). Obviously, it's too hard for them to communicate with the outside world. From this aspect（改成For this point会不会更好一点？）, it sounds good to let（改成leave好一些，是一种任其自生自灭的感觉） this language become（顺应此处改为being） extinct. Maybe many people would claim that it is not a pity for such languages to disappear from this world at all. What's(应去掉系动词is) such language exist for? It becomes unconvinced to use such languages in modern world, since most of us nowadays are forced to communicate with the world far away from us.

cclayaUID: 2625096

However, such opinion is superficial. If this viewpoint is right, do we need to abandon most of our languages, and speak a uniform language? Is it easy for all of us to communicate with each of us(each other) speak(改为by或speaking) the same language? While it sounds wonderful, despite of political, cultural and historic factors, there are other considerations as well. A language, in essence, not only a tool of communicating, but more deeply, a container of a nation's culture, the harbor of a nation's heart. It is not merely the loss of a communicating tool but also the loss of a nation's culture if their(its，这里指代nation,前后单复数要一致) language becomes extinct. Without their own language, where is their culture and history? As we know, a nation's culture and history are always contained in their languages（类似的话重复了多次，作者可以考虑换一种表达方式）. Verbal（改为oral更能突出与written的对立） or written, the history of the nation is passing down from generation to generation. Without their own language, how can their culture and history pass down to the next generations? Take Australia's native resident for example, their history has been more than 5 thousands years according to the historians. However, in the last century, the government of Australia forced the children of these native residents leave their hometown and move into the cities to adopt English as their language and accept western culture. Such policy has resulted in disaster to these native nations. Their languages are going to die out(is dying比较合适), and their cultures（改为单数） is at the stage of disappear（改为名词disappearance）.

cclayaUID: 2625096

Moreover, these children often feel lonely and homeless after they growing up, because they don't know where is their root.
Undoubtedly, it's important for the government of a nation to protect their language from disappearing. However, this not means that not to use other languages. Unless there is a unique language(这里没有读懂L0L,看不出这个条件状语从句与下文的关系), one or more other languages are always needed to act as a bridge to connect the nation and（and应改为with:connect sth with sth） the outside world. Moreover, for the language itself, it should adopt a open attitude to(这几个词删掉，语言本身无法有attitude，拟人化也不太恰当) allow some elements of other languages to commune with it. By doing this, the language would be more adaptive, more popular. As we know, even English, the most popular language today, develops new words or other elements from other languages from time to time. More contact with other languages, it's more likely for a language to exist.（这句话有语病，前半句后置改为that从句会好一些）


总结：
全文的结构完整，作者采用了一种欲扬先抑的展开方式，但过渡不够顺畅。
部分句子逻辑有问题，有一些语法和拼写错误，一些词的重复使用较多，作者可以考虑多用同义词替换。
内容上作者只强调了是否should save those lesser-known languages，而疏忽了对the act of government的探讨。
可删掉一些重复陈述的观点句子，加入一些内容如政府应制定何种措施，多少程度的干预才较为合理等等，来丰富文章的整体内容。

纠正作者错误较多的两个拼写：goverment--government,  disapear-disappear

cclayaUID: 2625096

The author claims that more melattonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness will continue in the future, just based on a unconvincing survey thirteen years ago and a study recently. Obviously, such conclusion is logically flawed and hence not convincing.
很喜欢这样的开头，简洁明了

First of all, the creditability of the survey should be questioned. It doesn't contain enough samples to support its conclusion. The researchers just studied a group of 25 infants. No contrast groups are mentioned. How can they draw out any conclusions without contrasted（此处用形容词） groups? With the experiment results by other researchers before their experiment?（表达没错，但如此长的句子一般不省略成分） The author say（says） nothing about it, just tell(tells) us they carried out an experiment, with only one group of 25 infants, and then drawed(draw的过去时为drew) out the conclusion. It seems a little absurd. Without more information about the experiment, the conclusion is just like a building built on the sand, not substantially. Moreover, it's unsure that what mild distress represents. It can be afraid（afraid是形容词，这里要用名词feer） of something, it can be joy, not necessarily shyness.

Second, it's not enough to show that melatonin would bring the infants shyness. The author said that melatonin as a kind of hormone would affect some brain functions, however, what functions are affected by it? We don't know. Maybe it can make the infants more bravely, in the contrast. Even melatonin can make infants feel shy, another issue appears. Does the melatonin containing in the mother pass to the infant?(此句语法错误，melatonin做的是pass的宾语，应改为被动态 Is the melatonin passed to the infant from their mother?) If not, the melatonin containing（应该用过去分词表示被动：contained） in the infants may not increased. Even all the above holds, there is no testimony to show that the mothers in the experiment generate more melatonin than other mothers. The first reason is we are not sure whether less daylight would result in more melatonin, for the second reason, even the assumption that less daylight make people generate more melatonin（even the assumption 怎样？缺谓语）, however, there are many other factors that influence the generation of melatonin, not only daylight. Without taking other factors into consideration, it's not suffice to say that these mothers actually generate more melatonin.

Thirdly, even concede that melatonin make the infants feel shy, however, there are many other elements that influencing the character of children. Living conditions, the inference of parents, education, personal experience, these factors play very important role in the delelopment of a person's character. Einstein, famous for his relativity theory and the winners of two Noble prizes, is a（去掉a） very shy when he is(was) young. However, as he exposed more and more in public, the shyness become less and less and nearly disappeared.

In sum, the memo contains fatal flaws and the conclusion is not convincing.

总结：
结构和逻辑上没太大问题，但语法和单词错误较多。
分析的时候如果能再有条理一些会更好。

lossingzoneUID: 2519545

辛苦了：）