0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by renee

renee8512UID: 2376852

In this memorandum, the publisher of the newsmagazine claims that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers to maximize their sales. To support this conclusion the arguer point out that the poorest-selling magazine issues in the last three years were those that featured international news stories on their covers, and during the same time, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of featured international news stories on their front covers. On serveral grounds, this evidence lends little credible support for the publisher's conclusion.
First of all, the memorandum fails to explain why international cover stories are the cause of those poor issues, since it can be affected by a variety of factors. Perhaps, some significant domestic events occurred during those period, and international events were not as attractive to readers as normal days. If so, it might be a mistake to decrease emphasis on international news when those events are attractive enough to increase sales. Or perhaps,  news business were in a short hard time, sales might decreased more drastically regardless of the cover storries. In short, without ruling out all other possible explanations for the poor sales of those issues, the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that front covers featured by international events were the cause of the poor issues.
Secondly, the memo cites that competing news-magazines have significantly decreased their cover stories about international news as an additional reason for the conclusion. Why has competitors reduce cover stories about international news? Have they benefit or make a loss from doing so? Is the news business now same as three years before? Does the situation they face same as their competitors? Even if competitors reducing cover stories about international stories for a better sales and they have achieved expected sales and they face same situations, whether sales can be increased is still a question. If  Newsbeat is a famous for international news,  the reducing act would make it lose its customers. So it would be hasty to implement the publisher's suggestion without enough and necessary investigation.
Thirdly, there is no evidence show that increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureau is a problem for the magazine. Perhaps, the magazine is making a serial report about an important foreign event which can greatly increase the sales with just a considerable increased cost. If so, then it's unwise to decrea adopt the publisher's suggestion. Or perhaps, increasing cost is because of  economical or political factors in a short time. In such a situation, decreasing international news for temporal benefit, may make its readers disappointed and lose more for long term.
In conclusion, the memo is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the publisher must show that covers featured by international news stories is the only deterministic factor for poor sales of those issues. To better access the publisher's suggestion, we should need to know more information about competitors who decreased their cover stories about foreign news. We also need more information about what does increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureau mean to Newsbeat presently.

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

In this memorandum, the publisher of the newsmagazine claims that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers to maximize their sales. To support this conclusion the arguer point out that the poorest-selling magazine issues in the last three years were those that featured international news stories on their covers, and during the same time, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of featured international news stories on their front covers. On serveral grounds, this evidence lends little credible support for the publisher's conclusion.

First of all, the memorandum fails to explain why international cover stories are the cause of those poor issues, since it can be affected by a variety of factors. Perhaps, some significant domestic events occurred during those period, and international events were not as attractive to readers as normal days. (这个反例举得好) If so, it might be a mistake to decrease emphasis on international news when those events are attractive enough to increase sales. 这么说也可以，但是总感觉有点绕，用我那个说法感觉顺一些（there are not such attractive local events now） Or perhaps,  news business were in a short hard time, （我不明白这样写可不可以，但是我觉得你直接写depression会不会更准确一些？）sales might decreased more drastically regardless of the cover storries. In short, without ruling out all other possible explanations for the poor sales of those issues, the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that front covers featured by international events were the cause of the poor issues.

Secondly, the memo cites that competing news-magazines have significantly decreased their cover stories about international news as an additional reason for the conclusion. Why has competitors reduce cover stories about international news? Have they benefit or make a loss from doing so? Is the news business now same as three years before? Does the situation they face same as their competitors? （个人感觉还是尽量少在Argument里面使用问句，尽量都用陈述句去指出错误、举出其他可能性并提出整改意见就可以。）Even if competitors reducing cover stories about international stories for a better sales and they have achieved expected sales and they face same situations, whether sales can be increased is still a question. If  Newsbeat is a famous for international news,  the reducing act would make it lose its customers. So it would be hasty to implement the publisher's suggestion without enough and necessary investigation.

Thirdly, there is no evidence show that increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureau is a problem for the magazine. Perhaps, the magazine is making a serial report about an important foreign event which can greatly increase the sales with just a considerable increased cost. If so, then it's unwise to decrease adopt the publisher's suggestion(the cost of foreign bureau). Or perhaps, increasing cost is because of  economical or political factors in a short time. In such a situation, decreasing international news for temporal benefit, may make its readers disappointed and lose more benefits for long term.

In conclusion, the memo is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the publisher must show that covers featured by international news stories is the only deterministic factor for poor sales of those issues. To better access the publisher's suggestion, we should need to know more information about competitors who decreased their cover stories about foreign news. We also need more information about what does increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureau mean to Newsbeat presently.

整体框架已经出来了，感觉已经上路了，很好。

开头和结尾还可以在简练一些。尽量把那些归纳性的建议用在主体段落每一段结尾处，这样最后文章的结尾来一句话总结就可以了。

语言使用也没什么问题，就是注意一下，不要再Argument中出现问句就好了，尽管这种写法在issue中会起到一些积极作用。