0910AW 同主题写作第七期 Argument101 By xxhhtt

xxhhttUID: 2477361

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.
                                                                                   
*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
WORDS: 398
TIME: 00:54:19
DATE: 2009-7-15 上午 12:27:55

提纲
开头
Conclusion based on the study. Problem
正文
Problem 1.The author fails to define the critical concept insomnia. If insomnia is defined as the inability to fall asleep by its literal meaning, how long or how tired is irrelevant to whether they suffer from insomnia.
Problem 2.Lacking a control sample, it is hard to rule out mental factors that might affect the volunteers. If the volunteer know the purpose of this experiment, psychological suggestion might make them tend to response with the expected answer.所以应分为两组一组使用，一组不使用，会对结果有更全面的认识。
Problem 3. even if the lack of control group is acceptable, there are still some critical problems with the process of study. For instance, 第一周的安眠药会对接下来的研究产生未知的，不可避免的影响。此外，第三周志愿者并未向前两周那样报告睡醒后的情况，缺乏这个方面的对比，很难说他们比以前睡得更好了 而且, there are many factors that might affect the result the experiment are not mentioned at all，比如，在实验前这些人的睡眠状况是怎样的，参与实验的人数，和时间能否从统计学意义上证明结论。这些都使得这篇argument易受攻击。
结尾
Clarify the definition of insomnia; a control sample with a normal pillow should be set as a comparison to the experimental one. Other fact that might affect sleep patterns should maintain constant.
                                                                                          

In the argument, the author draws a conclusion that lavender cures insomnia over a short period of time based on a study of 30 volunteers' sleep-qualities with lavender-scented pillows for three weeks. However, there are critical problems with the study which undermine the strength of the conclusion.
The threshold problem with the argument is that the author fails to define the critical concept --- insomnia. If insomnia is defined as the inability to fall asleep by its literal meaning, how soundly one sleeps and how tired one wakes seem irrelevant with the ability to fall asleep. In short, without a clear definition of insomnia, it is impossible to evaluate the meaningfulness of this study.
Another problem with this study is that it lacks a control group. Without a control group, it is hard to rule out mental factors that might affect the result of this medical experiment. For instance, if the volunteers know the purpose of this study, the psychological suggestion might make them tend to response with the expected answer. Therefore, it is necessary to set a control group sleeping with a normal pillow in contrast with the experimental group sleeping with lavender-scented pillow. In this way, the result could provide us with a complete and clear understanding of the effect of the scent in lavender flowers.
Finally, even if the lack of control group is acceptable, there are still some critical problems with the process of study. For instance, the medication taken in the first week would affect the sleep quality of the following two weeks unknowingly. In addition, the volunteer did not report their feeling when they wakened in the third week. Lacking the comparison of this aspect with the former two weeks, it is not sufficient to conclude that the volunteers' sleeping qualities are improved. Furthermore, many significant factors that might affect the result of the study are not mentioned at all. For example, the sleep states of the volunteers just before the experiment are omitted. And the statistical sufficiency of the number of the subjects and the time of the experiment is not proved by the author. Those together serve to make the argument vulnerable.
In conclusion, with some problems discussed above, the argument is unconvincing. To strengthen the argument, the author should have to clarify the definition of insomnia and a control group should be set as a comparison to the experimental group. Additionally, other factor that might affect the result of the study should maintain constant. If the argument had included the given suggestions, it would be more persuasive.

xxhhttUID: 2477361

楼下的来拍吧

eric_scutUID: 2304889

1# xxhhtt

In the argument, the author draws a conclusion that (the scent of) lavender cures insomnia over a short period of time based on a study of 30 volunteers' sleep-qualities with lavender-scented pillows for three weeks. However, there are critical problems with the study which undermine the strength of the conclusion.

The threshold problem with the argument is that the author fails to define the critical concept --- insomnia. If insomnia is defined as the inability to fall asleep by its literal meaning, how soundly one sleeps and how tired one wakes seem irrelevant with the ability to fall asleep. (这句话是什么逻辑关系？“如果失眠被定义为难以入睡，那么一个人睡得多香，睡起来多累就和是否能够入睡无关了。”) In short, without a clear definition of insomnia, it is impossible to evaluate the meaningfulness of this study. （此段可以再展开说明）


Another problem with this study is that it lacks a control group. Without a control group, it is hard to rule out mental factors that might affect the result of this medical experiment. For instance, if the volunteers know the purpose of this study, the psychological suggestion might make them tend to response with the expected answer. Therefore, it is necessary to set a control group sleeping with a normal pillow in contrast with the experimental group sleeping with lavender-scented pillow. In this way, the result could provide us with a complete and clear understanding of the effect of the scent in lavender flowers.

Finally, even if the lack of control group is acceptable, there are still some critical problems with the process of study. (不要太轻易就even if) For instance, the medication taken in the first week would affect the sleep quality of the following two weeks unknowingly. In addition, the volunteer did not report their feeling when they wakened in the third week. Lacking the comparison of this aspect with the former two weeks, it is not sufficient to conclude that the volunteers' sleeping qualities are improved. Furthermore, many significant factors that might affect the result of the study are not mentioned at all. For example, the sleep states of the volunteers just before the experiment are omitted. And the statistical sufficiency of the number of the subjects and the time of the experiment is not proved by the author. Those together serve to make the argument vulnerable.


In conclusion, with some (the) problems discussed above, the argument is unconvincing. To strengthen the argument, the author should have to clarify the definition of insomnia and a control group should be set as a comparison to the experimental group. Additionally, other factor that might affect the result of the study should maintain constant (be ruled out). If the argument had included the given suggestions, it would be more persuasive.

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

In the argument, the author draws a conclusion that lavender cures insomnia over a short period of time based on a study of 30 volunteers' sleep-qualities with lavender-scented pillows for three weeks. However, there are critical problems with the study which undermine the strength of the conclusion.

The threshold problem with the argument is that the author fails to define the critical concept --- insomnia. If insomnia is defined as the inability to fall asleep by its literal meaning, how soundly one sleeps and how tired one wakes seem irrelevant with the ability to fall asleep. In short, without a clear definition of insomnia, it is impossible to evaluate the meaningfulness of this study.

Another problem with this study is that it lacks a control group. Without a control group, it is hard to rule out mental factors that might affect the result of this medical experiment. For instance, if the volunteers know the purpose of this study, the psychological suggestion might make them tend to response with the expected answer. Therefore, it is necessary to set a control group sleeping with a normal pillow in contrast with the experimental group sleeping with lavender-scented pillow. In this way, the result could provide us with a complete and clear understanding of the effect of the scent in lavender flowers. （写的理由倒是没有问题，但是我有疑问：难道Argument不应当从作者依据某个论据所推出的结论入手先进行驳斥吗？这样直接攻击study的做法，当然不能说错，但是我觉得更应当先从攻击作者依据study做出的判断来入手，然后在举出反例以及最后提出整改意见的时候再加入上面这段的论述。）

Finally, even if the lack of control group is acceptable, there are still some critical problems with the process of study. For instance, the medication taken in the first week would affect the sleep quality of the following two weeks unknowingly. In addition, the volunteer did not report their feeling when they wakened in the third week. Lacking the comparison of this aspect with the former （last）two weeks, it is not sufficient to conclude that the volunteers' sleeping qualities are improved. Furthermore, many significant factors that （which）might affect the result of the study are not mentioned at all. For example, the sleep states of the volunteers just before the experiment are omitted. And the statistical sufficiency of the number of the subjects and the time of the experiment is not proved by the author. Those together serve to make the argument vulnerable (不知为何你这样喜欢这个词，个人建议还是少用这个词比较好).

In conclusion, with some problems discussed above, the argument is unconvincing. To strengthen the argument, the author should have to clarify the definition of insomnia and a control group should be set as a comparison to the experimental group. Additionally, other factor that might affect the result of the study should maintain constant. If the argument had included the given suggestions, it would be more persuasive.(这句话完全可以去掉了)

整体思路没问题，小问题就是有车轱辘话来回说的现象，可以适当的精简一下。