0910AW 同主题写作第七期 ARGUMENT167 by Brian

brianwangboUID: 2643722

Argument 167

A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.

1)      1)Control group isn’t set up, a lot of other possibilities may happen. For example, a normal person who is tested and monitored becomes nervous as well. Compare control group with experiment group, we can see if it is lavender flower making their sleeping better. No matter who sleep
2)      2)In the study, volunteers both use sleeping medication and lavender-scented pillows. We couldn’t know it is medicine or lavender-scented pillows works or have an good effect on curing insomnia. And also anyone who do not sleep well for nearly two weeks should have sound sleep.
3)      3)Three weeks is too short to test the function of lavender scent.

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
WORDS: 359
TIME: 00:50:00
DATE: 2009-7-16 12:18:32

In this argument, the author recommends that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia. To support this recommendation the author cites a recent study which includes 30 volunteers with insomnia. The study shows that in the third week the volunteers have a sound sleep. Well-presented and seemingly logical thought at first glance, close scrutiny of the study reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion. I find this conclusion specious, on several grounds.

As a threshold matter, one problem with the argument is that there is no control group for the study. We all know even ordinary person will be nervous when he becomes tested and monitored. Also in common sense, anyone didn't sleep well for nearly two weeks should have a sound sleep. Only through comparison, we can see if it is the lavender scent works on insomnia, not the environment or other factors. Without ruling out all other such factors and providing us data of control group, it is unfair to make such a hasty conclusion.

Another point short of legitimacy in the study is that the experiment makes the volunteers use both sleeping medication and lavender-scented pillows.
Then we all couldn't know which one play a vital role in curing the insomnia. Maybe in the third week sleeping medication just have an effect on insomnia. And the lavender is useless. A study of single factor about lavender is actually needed. Any of these scenarios, if true, would undermine the author's conclusion.

Finally, we all wonder if three weeks are enough. The fundamental causes of the volunteers' insomnia are not found out and the exact function of the scent is unclear. These volunteers may still stay awake all night or have difficulty to be asleep after the study. More work needs to be done before the author get the conclusion.

In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions and ill-logical reasoning that render it unconvincing as it stands. More study on the lavender scent should be done, especially a control group should be set up to rule out some other factors. Therefore, any final conclusion should not be drawn unless more detailed and convincing evidences are available.

打字太慢了，怎么办呢～～～啊啊啊啊啊啊啊～～～～～～～～～

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

In this argument, the author recommends that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia. To support this recommendation the author cites a recent study which includes 30 volunteers with insomnia. The study shows that in the third week the volunteers have a sound sleep. Well-presented and seemingly logical thought at first glance, close scrutiny of the study reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion. I find this conclusion specious, on several grounds. 开头还是繁琐，强烈建议你看一下这个帖子https://bbs.gter.net/thread-920961-1-1.html

As a threshold matter, one problem with the argument is that there is no control group for the study. We all know even ordinary person will be nervous when he becomes tested and monitored. Also in common sense, anyone didn't sleep well for nearly two weeks should have a sound sleep. （既然你这一段主要批驳的是对照组的问题，你为什么要加这一句？这一条跟对照组没有任何关系的吧？）Only through comparison, we can see if it is the lavender scent works on insomnia, not the environment or other factors. Without ruling out all other such factors and providing us data of control group, it is unfair to make such a hasty conclusion.

Another point short of legitimacy in the study is that the experiment makes the volunteers use both sleeping medication and lavender-scented pillows.Then we all couldn't know which one play a vital role in curing the insomnia. Maybe in the third week sleeping medication just have an effect on insomnia. And the lavender is useless. A study of single factor about lavender is actually needed. Any of these scenarios, if true, would undermine the author's conclusion.

Finally, we all wonder if three weeks are enough. The fundamental causes of the volunteers' insomnia are not found out and the exact function of the scent is unclear. These volunteers may still stay awake all night or have difficulty to be asleep after the study. More work needs to be done before the author get the conclusion. （作为本段的改善建议，这里的more work 后面要加一个such as把详细的改进方案写出来吧？这里不该声字数的地方最好就不要偷懒了）另外，本段你要批判的是哪条错误？3周的时间过短？还是别的什么？从你的本段主题句并没有给人详细的信息，后面的话又不知所云，因此基本上可以说，你这段写了跟没写一样

In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions and ill-logical reasoning that render it unconvincing as it stands. More study on the lavender scent should be done, especially a control group should be set up to rule out some other factors. Therefore, any final conclusion should not be drawn unless more detailed and convincing evidences are available.

总评：
开头和结尾的写法我不多说了，看帖子吧。鉴于本人作者是上机限时写作，能写这么多字数也算不错的了。不过，给你一个上机写作的建议，先把开头结尾打出来，然后每段所要批判的主要错误直接写出来。这样子，你再往下一段段的添加反例列举和改善意见就好多了。通过你这篇文章，你的一个很重要的问题并不是出在打字上，而是你对Argument的挑错和批判的路数还没有一个清晰的概念，这是很致命的。建议先依照猴哥Argument部分的提纲参考一下，然后再逐步拓展自己的思路。

brianwangboUID: 2643722

呀呀～～～谢谢谢谢～～～实在是醍醐灌顶呀～～我会加倍努力的～～ 2# iloveusa2009