进军美利坚作文 第二次作业 8.13

arimidyUID：2673973

What should we spend time on? When asked about this question, people are always hesitating. We choose to spend time on working because we want to increase the standard of our life; we choose to spend time on family because we cherish the happiness. As we only get 24 hours per day, people always have a difficulty on distributing time. They want to kill two birds with one stone. In my opinion, what is more important to spend time on should be due to the stages of our life.


Despite the time we spent on study, when we graduate from university and become a newcomer in a company, we should spend more time on working. As we just start our career, there’s an array of tasks. We should work hard on the project to make sure there’s no mistake; we may do some trifles our seniors asked to build a good relationship with them; we often work overtime as we have a backlog of work to deal with. In that case, it is obvious we don’t have more extra time to spend on family. Don’t be upset when you went home late at night and saw your relatives were all in sleep, it is all worth it. It is only with your insistent hardworking, you would be promoted to a satisfactory position and begin your happy life.


When your career comes to be steady, you should transfer your center of life to family. At this point, you earn a salary more than efficient and don’t have to deal with the trifles. In another word, the spare time you once lost is now coming back. You could get rid of the stress you undergo in your job and enjoy the pleasant time with your family. What do we human beings truly pursue? As the saying goes, money will come and go, why we spend more time working when we are young? When you are in this phase of life, you would recognize that our ultimate goal is not money itself, the happiness we experience with our family is.


To draw a conclusion, for a better living, we should first spend more time working to earn money and to get a satisfactory position, it is the most efficient way to reach your goal, and the next stage of your life would spend more time being with family to live your life to the full.

starter_123UID：2576008

What should we spend time on? When asked about this question, people are always hesitating. We choose to spend time on working because we want to increase the standard of our life; we choose to spend time on family because we cherish the happiness. As we only get 24 hours per day, people always have a difficulty on distributing time. They want to kill two birds with one stone(good sentence). In my opinion, what is more important to spend time on should be due to the stages of our life.(开头很新颖，值得学习。)

Despite the time we spent on study, when we graduate from university and become a newcomer in a company（we become a newcomer in a company after graduation from college）, we should spend more time on working(有点突然冒出来的感觉). As we just start our career, there’s an array of tasks. We should work hard on the project to make sure there’s no mistake; we may do some trifles our seniors asked to build a good relationship with them; we often work overtime as we have a backlog(good word choice) of work to deal with. In that case, it is obvious (that) we don’t have more extra time to spend on family. Don’t be upset when you went home late at night and saw your relatives were all in sleep, it is all worth it. It is only with your insistent hardworking, you would be promoted to a satisfactory position and begin your happy life.. Y# K8 F7 I8 E1 f8 \/ k  E

When your career comes to be steady, you should transfer your center of life(it is better to not to mention the word) to family. At this point, you earn a salary more than efficient and don’t have to deal with the trifles. In another word, the spare time you once lost is now coming back. You could get rid of the stress you undergo in your job and enjoy the pleasant time with your family. What do we human beings truly pursue? As the saying goes, money will come and go(another good sentence), why we spend more time working when we are young? When you are in this phase of life, you would recognize that our ultimate goal is not money itself, the happiness we experience with our family is.8 b# C! }+ k5 y
7 O# g! _/ g) x9 }3 B# _
To draw a conclusion, for a better living, we should first spend more time working to earn money and to get a satisfactory position, it is the most efficient way to reach your goal, and the next stage of your life would spend more time being with family to live your life to the full.

At least, there are very good two points in this essay and some exciting words choice and sentenc structure. But when you are writing, keep it in mind that it is better to include more details, and as many examples as possible to make you point more sounding. You can use your own experiences, comman knowledge, others` experiences or simply make up such examples, ETS are not gonna to know how old are you? by which , I mean , you can even put some baby-like examples in your essay if it can support your ideas. This would make you essay more rich and more interesting to read.
By the way, you have no problem in the language I think, which is a good part of you.
And thany you for revising my essay.

sharklion_huaUID：2156269

【8月14日。作文互评】
【MoMA评arimidy】8.14
我归纳的提纲
1. 观点：选择取决于“人生阶段”
2. 强调第一年工作辛苦
3. 工作若干年以后开始陪伴家人
4. 结论
对不住了，那么晚评。
What should we spend time on?（我看多数范文似乎都不重复题目的，我也觉得没必要） When asked about this question, people are always hesitating. （我觉得表达这个意思用dilemma好，例如People are often caught into dilemma by this question.）We choose to spend time on working because we want to increase the standard(觉得应该是level) of our life; we choose to spend time on family because we cherish the happiness(感觉这个happiness需要更多定语限定一下，应该是和家人在一起的快乐). As we only get 24 hours per day, people always have a difficulty on distributing time. They want to kill two birds with one stone. In my opinion, what is more important to spend time on should be due to the stages of our life.（感觉这个句子够复杂，但是不顺畅。如果的话可能会说On different life stages people may make different choice considering on their age, responsibility and income.）
Despite the time we spent on study（似乎没必要，因为这段你在说工作以后的事情。）, when we graduate from university and become a newcomer in a company, we should spend more time on working. As we just start our career, there’s an array of tasks. We should work hard on the project to make sure there’s no mistake; we may do some trifles our seniors asked to build a good relationship with them; we often work overtime as we have a backlog of work to deal with. In that case, it is obvious（加that好） we don’t have more（用any好） extra time to spend on family. Don’t be upset when you went home late at night and saw your relatives were all in sleep, it is all worth it. It is only with your insistent hardworking, you would be promoted to a satisfactory position and begin your happy life.
When your career comes to be steady, you should transfer your center of life to family. At this point, you earn a salary more than efficient（这句没看懂） and don’t have to deal with the trifles. In another word, the spare time you once lost is now coming back. You could get rid of the stress you undergo in your job and enjoy the pleasant time with your family. What do we human beings truly pursue? As the saying goes, money will come and go, why we spend more time working when we are young? When you are in this phase of life, you would recognize that our ultimate goal is not money itself, the happiness we experience with our family is.
To draw a conclusion, for a better living, we should first（我觉得说first,we should比较好） spend more time working to earn money and to get a satisfactory position, it（应该用which）is the most efficient way to reach your goal, and （需要In）the next stage of your life would spend more time being with family to live your life to the full.（最有一句话的主语如果是we, 那么后面的the next stage of 就不应该是Your life而应该是 Our ，）
整体的文章逻辑清晰，框架结构合理。就是有的句子感觉语序不太舒服。可能需要加强阅读的训练。