【MoMA】 8.13作文互改组作业

sharklion_huaUID：2156269

【题目】
8.13 Some people think it's more important to spend more time working than being with family，你的觀點?
【提纲】
1.        对于大多数人来说。工作时间更多，这是一个事实，他们必须在刚进入职场的一段时间用一定的工作时间换取支撑家用的经济收入。
2.        工作对一个人确实很重要。工作中的成绩让人有成就感，工作中的交流满足人的社交需要，工作中的创新和挑战令人兴奋。所以在人生的某些阶段人必须重视工作。
3.        但是到某些情况下，随着职位的提升，他可能只要花费很少的时间作出最重要的决定就够了。这个时候就可以花更多时间陪朋友和家人了。或者有一些机会。

For some of the people, the beginning years after they entering the work force are crucial and arduous. For instance, a college student majored in architecture design, in the first year in a design company, can only do some tiresome draft work and some basic trivial job, which is time consuming and low paid. He is not efficient in creating value for the company and he need money to support his daily life, so he must spend most of his time working. For these people, the decision to be inclined on work seems like a passive choice.

In the same time, in addition to providing a guarantee to solving money problem, working is also a significant way to give people sense of achievement and satisfy their social communication desire. Some kind of job can offer the exiting challenge to people, which made them enjoy the process of working. For example, the voluntary worker who contribute they life to reduce the risk of infection of AIDS in middle Africa country, often describe that they can hear the call of their duty as a human being, and they can feel completely satisfied to help the poor African to live in a better life. These kind of volunteers may even have no time to be together with their family during a year, but their working is valuable and they receive the sincerely support from their family.

But in some condition, if it is possible, I think to be with family for a period is also an attractive idea. The precondition is that I can deal with my job in a very short time, and have enough flexible time to assign. For example, in some companies, the general managers only need to consult to his executives once a week, and make the most important decision in one day. In that condition, if he want to, he can accompany with his family in the rest six days.

arimidyUID：2673973

For some of the people, the beginning years after they entering the work force are crucial and arduous. For instance, a college student majored in architecture design, in the first year in a design company, can only do some tiresome draft work and some basic trivial job, which is time consuming and low paid（low-paid）. He is not efficient in creating value for the company and(前后两者的关系不是并列吧，应该有“而”) he need money to support his daily life, so he must spend most of his time working. For these people, the decision to be inclined on work seems like a passive choice.


In(at) the same time, in addition to providing a guarantee to solving（solve） money problem, working is also a significant way to give people sense of achievement and satisfy their social communication desire. Some kind of job(A job of some kind 比较好吧) can offer the exiting challenge to people, which made（前后时态不一致了） them enjoy the process of working. For example, the voluntary worker who contribute they life to reduce the risk of infection of AIDS（AIDS infection） in middle Africa country, often describe that they（前面是worker哦） can hear the call of their duty as a human being, and they can feel completely satisfied to(with) help the poor African to live in(live) a better life. These kind of volunteers may even have no time to be together with their family during a year, but their working is valuable and they receive the sincerely support from their family." ^& R1 I0 Q8 A$ e- }* V* `

But in some condition, if it is possible, I think to be with family for a period is also an attractive idea. The precondition is that I can deal with my job in a very short time, and have enough flexible time to assign. For example, in some companies, the general managers only need to consult to his(前面是managers哦) executives once a week, and make the most important decision in one day. In that condition, if he want（wants） to, he can accompany with his family in the rest six days.

starter_123UID：2576008

8.13 Some people think it's more important to spend more time working than being with family，你的觀點?
提纲/ k' l" m% ?6 @- }8 y1 o
1.        对于大多数人来说。工作时间更多，这是一个事实，他们必须在刚进入职场的一段时间用一定的工作时间换取支撑家用的经济收入。
2.'        工作对一个人确实很重要。工作中的成绩让人有成就感，工作中的交流满足人的社交需要，工作中的创新和挑战令人兴奋。所以在人生的某些阶段人必须重视工作。
3.     但是到某些情况下，随着职位的提升，他可能只要花费很少的时间作出最重要的决定就够了。这个时候就可以花更多时间陪朋友和家人了。或者有一些机会。
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For some of the people(for some people), the beginning years after they entering the work force are crucial and arduous. For instance, a college student majored in architecture design, in the first year (the first year)in a design company, can only do some tiresome draft work and some basic trivial job, which is time consuming and low(lowly, maybe you can search for other words have the meaning small, such as toothfully) paid. He is not efficient in creating value (producing profits is better i think)for the company and he needs money to support his daily life, so he must spend most of his time working. For these people, the decision to be inclined on work seems like a passive choice.& O4 u
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In the same time, in addition to(the sussessive use of adverbial sentence make it ugly to read) providing a guarantee to solving money problem, working is also a significant way to give people sense of achievement and satisfy their social communication desire. Some kind of job can offer the exiting challenge to people, which made them enjoy the process of working. For example, the voluntary worker who contribute they life to reduce the risk of infection of AIDS in middle Africa country, often describe that they can hear the call of their duty as a human being, and they can feel completely satisfied to help the poor African to live in a better life. These kind of volunteers may even have no time to be together with their family during a year, but their working is valuable and they receive the sincerely support from their family. ( social value is really a good point)

But in some condition, if it is possible, I think to be with family for a period is also an attractive idea. The precondition is that I can deal with my job in a very short time, and have enough flexible time to assign. For example, in some companies, the general managers only need to consult to (consult to or report to?)his executives once a week, and make the most important decision in one day. In that condition, if he want to, he can accompany with his family in the rest six days.(Although the example does support your idea, but firstly, you havn`t clearly state that you point is that when people enter into some higher position, it takes them less time to work and consequently have more time with family, you treat it as an example, secondly, does managers really make the decision in one day, and have the other days free. I think, the readers mostly disagree with you, every desicion making is a very time-consuming, they have to hold many meetings, do many research and consult other materials, beacuse they are the only person responsible for that. you can make up examples, but it should conform to the common experience)

An essay with some good points, but when choosing examples, you can use more familiar ones such as what you have put in you essay:in the first year (the first year)in a design company, can only do some tiresome draft work and some basic trivial job. And if your essay is not strong and interesting to appeal the reader, you`d better have a begining and a strong conclusion. Details is important, but what is really your point in your essay, you support it or not, or somthing esle, i can not get it unless you give me a conclusion.