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网兜妮妮
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-8-10 00:35:32 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

It is generally acknowledged that we live in a world which is flooded with advertisements. We follow the advertisement to choose our clothes, transportations, toys, chicken utilizes, and even the most important thing, the food. Food advertisements use exaggeration to claim their flavor, and what’s more, they create fancy pictures and attractive voice to indicate that we will have fun and even meet love when we eat the products. All that leads consumers make unwise choices about food and form the bad eating habits. Therefore, I agree with the statement that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

First of all, snacks and what we call “rubbish food” is the main products which are advertised in the advertisement. And they are actually the biggest enemy to the healthy eating habits. We can see many advertisements about the photo chips and fired chickens, especially the McDonald’s ads. They give us the illusion that it is a happy time when eat in McDonald’s and such friendly atmosphere is indeed attractive to consumers. For example, they always set the scenario of birthday party and lover’s date， and the people eat the food with smile in face and talk to friends with the sweet voice “ tasty!” . However, the fact is that all the fast food, especial the fired ones, are unhealthy to us. We will suffer the high blood pressure and obesity when we depend on these as our main food. An experiment has been done in American which proves the negative effects of eating the fast food for a long time. As a result, a handsome and healthy man finally turned into a fat and weak guy who suffers the risk of hypertension.

Moreover, the advertisement always provides us the impression that we can eat at any time we want, and even worse, some advertisement uses the special image that indicates “the more the better”. Take the coffee advertisement as an example, the KUKU coffee makes the advertisement by providing a weak guy who has a lot of work to do and then he fall asleep when the football match is begin. He feels disappointed. But after he drinks the coffee, he feels energetic and well enough to enjoy the math. And he opened one another cup of coffee in the midnight to help him keep sober. That advertisement gives us the information that we can use the coffee to keep energy and never feel asleep, that is misleading because too much coffee is bad to our body in a long term, but the advertisement never mentioned. In fact, as we know form doctor, we should eat on time and keep a regular diet to keep fit. For example, we cannot drink too much coffee a day especially at night for they will interfere with our inner clock. While the advertisement is always going directly to the oppose way, and as a result, misleading us form the healthy eating habit.

All in all, form the above discussion, we can conclude that advertisement mislead our form the healthy life by attracting us to the rubbish food and unhealthily eat the food too much. So I assert that advertisement is the main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.

清空~~明媚吧~~~

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网兜妮妮
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沙发

发表于 2010-8-10 09:44:59 |只看该作者

自己弱顶一下~

清空~~明媚吧~~~

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capric
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板凳

发表于 2010-8-10 12:36:11 |只看该作者

我试着修改一下。。修改中。。。

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网兜妮妮
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地板

发表于 2010-8-10 13:37:32 |只看该作者

哇呀呀，谢谢LS！

清空~~明媚吧~~~

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capric
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5楼

发表于 2010-8-10 14:13:40 |只看该作者

刚看完一段，如果LZ不介意，我明天下午左右发出来。。
现在接了个小活要先处理一下~~

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雪梦无痕
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6楼

发表于 2010-8-10 14:33:24 |只看该作者

刚看完一段，如果LZ不介意，我明天下午左右发出来。。
现在接了个小活要先处理一下~~
capric 发表于 2010-8-10 14:13

赞效率

此人已死，有事烧纸。

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网兜妮妮
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7楼

发表于 2010-8-10 16:16:06 |只看该作者

5# capric
嗯，谢谢啦！

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capric
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8楼

发表于 2010-8-12 14:26:33 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 capric 于 2010-8-12 14:35 编辑

题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

It is generally acknowledged that we live in a world which is flooded with advertisements. We follow the advertisement (advertisements) to choose our clothes, transportations, toys, chicken utilizes (不明白，汗), and even the most important thing, the food. Food advertisements use exaggeration to claim their flavor (食品广告应该是声称它们代言的产品风味吧，直接和风味联系听起来怪怪的), and what’s more, they create fancy pictures and attractive voice to indicate that we will have fun and even meet love (呃好直白) when we eat (when eating) the products. (说的苛刻一点，不是所有人都会相信这些bullshit吧，所以说一般辨识能力不强的青少年会相信，也就是说广告说服青少年对某些品牌痴迷甚至掌控了他们的口味) All that leads (主语和谓语动词单复数搭配问题) consumers make unwise choices about food and form the bad eating habits. Therefore, I agree with the statement that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

个人理解，广告是引起人们不健康饮食习惯的一个原因，但为什么是最重要的一个原因，作者没有着重点出来。从这个意义上讲，作者对作文题目没有解析完全，很可能会扣分。反而言之，题目里暗含着不健康饮食习惯的养成有多种成因(比如对健康饮食习惯的了解不够，家庭环境的传统习惯影响，广告等媒体对人们饮食习惯的误导，感情或者负面情绪影响了饮食等等)，但为什么广告是最重要的，在我看来，可以从广告对受众的巨大影响力从而改变或者控制了人们(特别是青少年)的饮食习惯来阐述吧。

First of all, snacks and what we call “rubbish food” (本能感觉用junk food，谷歌后发现有rubbish food说法) is (are) the main products which are advertised (换个单词，如promoted) in the advertisement. And they are actually the biggest enemy to the healthy eating habits. We can see many advertisements about the photo chips and fired (fried) chickens, especially (in) the McDonald’s ads. They give us the illusion that it is a happy time when eat (eating) in McDonald’s and such friendly atmosphere is indeed attractive to consumers. For example, they always set the scenario (scenarios) of birthday party and lover’s date， and the people eat the food with smile in face and talk to friends with the sweet voice “ tasty!” . However, the fact is that all the fast food, especial (especially) the fired (fried) ones, are unhealthy to us. We will suffer (suffer from) the high blood pressure and obesity when (if) we depend (largely) on these as our main food. An experiment has been done in American (America) which proves the negative effects of eating the fast food for a long time. As a result, a handsome and healthy man finally turned into a fat and weak guy who suffers( from) the risk of hypertension.(多种时态以及suffer from的搭配。>_<)
B' S( P3 t9 I; Y% B
Moreover, the advertisement always provides us the impression that we can eat at any time we want, and even worse, some advertisement uses (这里单复数实在混乱ing) the special image that indicates “the more the better”. Take the coffee advertisement as an example, the KUKU coffee makes the advertisement by providing a weak guy who has a lot of work to do and then he fall (falls) asleep when the football match is begin (begins). He feels disappointed. But after he drinks the coffee, he feels energetic and well enough to enjoy the math (match). And he opened (时态从一般现在时转到一般过去时>_<) one another cup of coffee in the midnight to help him keep sober. That advertisement gives us the information that we can use the coffee to keep energy and never feel asleep, that is misleading because too much coffee is bad to our body in a long term, but the advertisement never mentioned (that). In fact, as we know form (from) doctor, we should eat on time and keep a regular diet to keep fit. For example, we cannot drink too much coffee a day especially at night for they will interfere with our inner clock. While the advertisement is always going directly to the oppose (opposite) way, and as a result, misleading us form the healthy eating habit.

All in all, form (from) the above discussion, we can conclude that advertisement mislead (主谓单复数一致的问题)
our (us??) form (from??) the healthy life by attracting us to the rubbish food and unhealthily eat the food too much. So I assert that advertisement is the main cause (并未紧扣题目中的the most important cause，偏题ing) of the unhealthy eating habits.

纵观全文，主要问题如下：
1，审题要清，剖析要仔细。
2，名词单复数，主谓搭配，动词时态前后一致，形容词还是副词的选择，拼写手误的问题。
3，用词尽量用托福级别的词，可以展示你一定的词汇量以及用词多样性，内容会更加生动。
4，最后，加油，再加油哈~~~
5，再最后，恳请08童鞋给俺加分分~撒花~~~