dandan的独立作文贴

dandan17UID：2812933

7.27Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Faced with the viewpoint that advertising is more essential than any other determinants, some people make the view that some food on the advertisement looks so delicious which can easily catch consumers' eyes. From my perspective, a large amount of other aspects should be taken on the table, such as pressure in daily life, and the economic development.

To begin with, worker-class in big cities, especially in metropolis, have more pressure than people in the town. Some surveys on newspapers documented that almost eighty percent of workers have unhealthy eating habits. A vast majority of them prefer to eat fast food rather than some nutritious supper by the reason that, the reporter said, they cannot squeeze much time on eating from the tough work, while eating fast food is an appropriate way for them. Day by day, the physically detrimental habit has been fostered. Even though on weekends, most workers are customary to eating unhealthy food.

Furthermore, as the economy develops, the number of delicate food in diverse type which faced to modern people is on the rise. Most children, including myself, have more interest to eat fried food, so called junk food. Although they are delicious, eating too much can cause negative effect on health. As for vegetable, fruits such organic food are being ignored. Back to the mid of last century, most people in China were always in hunger and poverty, but few people have unhealthy habits. How it happened? The answer is evitable, food in that time was not polluted. More importantly, people had less money in the past than in today; therefore as long as the food they can afford, they would catch it. In other words, they got more different nutrition than us.

Admittedly, advertising plays an important role in people's bad eating habit. For example, last week, my parents didn't decide to eat in the restaurant. But when they saw the big range of discount in one restaurant which is revealed by a newspaper, they determined to eat. However, to their disappointment, most food in discount were not fresh, even some was boiled twice. Undeniably they were so regret being attracted by the advertisement.

In conclusion, although advertising can cause people's unhealthy eating habits, it is not the only reason. In my opinion, most bad habits are cultivated by us. Since we cannot control our mouth, we gradually have the unhealthy habits; since we cannot resist the lure of feast, a lot of illness happens. Therefore, I don't think advertising is the most significant cause of unhealthy habits.

fanfan1247UID：2591669

修改好啦~~~~

layla1989UID：2832481

改好啦~~~

dandan17UID：2812933

7.29作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

Faced with the situation that whether young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term or not, some old people, who accumulate much experience argue that possessing a stable job is of less risk than people who do not. From my perspective, taking a variety of jobs can follow the latest development in the world today.

To begin with, interest is more important than any other things, especially for young people in the modern society. For instance, one of my mom's colleagues was a manager in a bank, but now she is teaching for small children in a less-developed countryside. I was so doubtful that why she gave up an attempting job desired by a great people including myself, and then chose to live in a poor and remote place where the buildings are dilapidated. To my surprise, mom told me that because she has an obsession on teaching, besides, people in countryside are so simple; she made a viewpoint that interest was more essential than money.

Furthermore, an individual’s dreams have a tendency to change over the years. Even though one inspired his absolute passion at the early stage of his life, he could regret in his later years and wonder what had made him addicted. Here comes my personal example. When I was a little girl, I was desired to be an officer like my father, because in my impression this was a job without any efforts, just sitting in the office and using computer freely. But since I saw my dad virtually need to face tedious work and same people every day, I changed my perspective. Being a reporter is more meaningful, by the reason that it enables me to communicate with different people every day. Therefore, because I further informed about my personality, I could not confine a single job.

More importantly, people who taking a variety of jobs can acquire more chances to follow the latest development in the world than those fixing in one job. For instance, in1992, many Chinese work-class like teachers, workers and officers resigned their stable jobs and started own enterprise; most of them even build up from nothing. However, it was their courage that leads them to success; it was keeping in step with the times that make them benefit from the era of reform and opening-up. While those who did not dare to cater the requirement of the new society could only admire others’ achievement.


In conclusion, although some people prefer to deserve a comfortable life that is of no risk, in my opinion, young people are supposed to pursue a more colorful life not only for a stable payroll. As my favorite host, Oprah Winfrey, once said that “You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it.” Therefore, I claim that the advantages of trying several different jobs outweigh the shortcomings.

crystal5841UID：2710710

4# dandan17

整体感觉文章结构和思路很清晰。美中不足的是：
1．
词汇的应用有些不是很恰当，并且句子结构中有些谓语不完整，或者谓语时态不对。我大概把我看到的标出来了。
2．
结尾的名言用的不是很恰当。

大家一起努力~~~

By crystal5841

dandan17UID：2812933

5# crystal5841    标在哪里？

Editors4WritersUID：2866341

1# dandan17

修改过程

Faced with the viewpoint that advertising is more essential than any other determinants stands preeminent over everything else, some people make the, individuals view assert that "delicious" food advertisements are responsible for gluttonous behavior.  that some food on the advertisement looks so delicious which can easily catch consumers' eyes. From my perspective However, in my opinion, I disagree that advertising is responsible for encouraging unhealthy eating habits. a large amount of Other aspects should be taken on the table, such as pressures in daily life daily stress, and the socioeconomic development conditions propagate this trend of harmful food consumption.

最终定稿

Faced with the viewpoint that advertising stands preeminent over everything else, individuals assert that "delicious" food advertisements are responsible for gluttonous behavior. However, I disagree that advertising is responsible for encouraging unhealthy eating habits. Other aspects such as daily stress and socioeconomic conditions propagate this trend of harmful food consumption.

dandan17UID：2812933

7# Editors4Writers 楼上义务帮我改额。可是你的结构我写不出来

Editors4WritersUID：2866341

8# dandan17

去掉红色的东西。 蓝色的句子是对的。 我可以教你怎么像我一样写， 哈哈。 不难。 我们有英文写作教学服务，你有兴趣吗？

dandan17UID：2812933

9# Editors4Writers 如果是打广告那就算了

Editors4WritersUID：2866341

10# dandan17

你自己说的我的结构你写不出来，反正我告诉你了，你不用也无所谓。

linran0108UID：2864715

4# dandan17
不好意思，现在才改~~而且不知道怎么传附件。。所以就只能很弱地。。额。。不好意思。。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.4 F# _/ I4 B' \3 J0 [7 O, f
& r8 ~4 H" ~# T% _& X
Faced with the situation that whether young people should take several different kinds of [url=]job[/url][o1] before they take a career in a long term or not, some old people, who accumulate much experience[url=] [/url][o2] argue that[url=] possessing a stable job is of less risk than people who do not.[/url][o3] From my perspective, taking a variety of jobs can follow the latest development in the world today.
& \- O4 C4 j4 r' Y6 E

, k4 y" f; N9 I2 s# ~To begin with, interest is more important than any other things, especially for young people in the modern society. For instance, one of my mom's colleagues was a manager in a bank, but now she is teaching for small children in a less-developed countryside. I was so doubtful that why she gave up an attempting job desired by a great people including myself, and then chose to live in a poor and remote place where the buildings are dilapidated. To my surprise, mom told me that because she has an obsession on teaching, besides, people in countryside are so simple; she made a viewpoint that interest was more essential than money. # c6 P/ o" ~& p. V* l. T+ Y; h/ e- j
+ ?6 B: w2 i% N* c# ]6 D  B- {
Furthermore, an individual’s dreams have a tendency to change over the years. [url=]Even though one inspired his absolute passion at the early stage of his life, he could regret in his later years and wonder what [/url][url=]had made[/url][o4] him addicted.[o5] Here comes my personal example. When I was a little girl, I was desired to be an officer like my father, because in my impression this was a job without any efforts, just sitting in the office and using computer freely. But since I saw my dad virtually need to face tedious work and same people every day, I changed my perspective. Being a reporter is more meaningful, by the reason that it enables me to communicate with different people every day. Therefore, because I further informed about my personality, I could not confine a single job.' K0 J5 K$ N7 I2 H

7 W/ t/ E& ^) LMore importantly, people who [url=]taking[/url][o6] a variety of jobs can acquire more chances to follow the latest development in the world than those fixing in one job. For instance, in1992, many Chinese work-class like teachers, workers and officers resigned their stable jobs and started [url=]own[/url][o7] enterprise; most of them even build up from nothing. However, it [url=]was[/url][o8] their courage that leads them to success; it was keeping in step with the times that [url=]make[/url][o9] them benefit from the era of reform and opening-up. While those who did not dare to cater the requirement of the new society [url=]could only[/url][o10] admire others’ achievement.
. H  L, v/ V7 e/ u
3 n5 L1 F: _! q1 q+ `

1 P, f: w' j7 n/ [In conclusion, although some people prefer to [url=]deserve[/url][o11] a comfortable life that is of no risk, in my opinion, young people are supposed to pursue a more colorful life not only for a stable payroll. As my favorite host, Oprah Winfrey, once said that “You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it.” Therefore, I claim that the advantages of trying several different jobs outweigh the [url=]shortcomings.[/url][o12]

总评：语言很赞，句子词语都非常好。总体来看文章非常好。赞美的话不多说~
我个人觉得，逻辑上欠缺一些些。第一个个人经历用的很到位，但是有兴趣去做这和主题好像没那么大关联，这个点值得推敲。第二个点的更明白一些更好，因为兴趣会变，所以尝试很多工作是正确的，这中间的因果没有点出来，只是写道兴趣会变。。第三点写得很好，我觉得很赞。

[o1]“Jobs?”是不可数名词没错，但是题目里用的是复数.



[o2]加个“,” 可能更清楚些~~



[o3]?前后不对称了，后面是people，前面的主语是possessing



[o4]用过去式或者过去完成时是不是更合适？



[o5]这句话写得很好，但我觉得意思上稍显严重，后面的例子用得很好，但是两个程度上似乎差得有点远。。个人经历中改变只是因为认识不同导致想法不同了，而不是很多年投入后觉得不明白为什么。



[o6]Take



[o7]Their own？



[o8]Was，和后面的leads不匹配



[o9]Made



[o10]一点点别扭Could do nothing but？



[o11]我没看见过这么用，所以谨慎一些，lead/live虽然不鲜明，但保险些



[o12]事实上，你没有提缺点，所以结尾这一句，好像不太对劲……

dandan17UID：2812933

12# linran0108 多回复几个帖子升级到寄托新兵就可以上传了。我就是这么干滴

dandan17UID：2812933

7月31日作业:
(09.02.21 NA) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country.

In the modern society, learning about a foreign country is no longer a dream. There comes a great many vehicles; some people claim that newspapers and magazines are the best ways, while in my perspective, travelling, television can also open a door for us to step into another land.

To begin with, travelling is a most valuable way which can let us experience a bland-new place in person. For example, I take delight in searching some photographs about scenery all around the world. Every time I try to imagine how the culture is, what the people like, and even what the cuisine is behind these pictures. Fortunately, last year, my parents took me to Japan. Besides roaming in the modern shopping heaven in Tokyo, the street which as clean as a glass also gives me a visually incredible impact. Some local residents were so enthusiastic that they even walked with me for company as a guide when I got lost. Undeniably, without that travelling, I cannot acquire a distinct impression about Japan, containing polite residents, fashionable and first-class environmental hygiene.

Moreover, we can also regard television as a telescope to amplify the corner throughout the world into the viewers’ eyes. For example, in the countryside, few farmers have capacity to go outside the mountains, no mention the foreign countries. However, since the televisions prevail in almost every family, people all around the world are no longer distant and isolated from each other; the most distant countries and the strangest customs are brought right to one’s sitting room. A lot of television programs introduce people to things in other continents they never thought of before and never heard of before. More importantly, compared with dull feel from the radio or some paper, everything on television is more lifelike, vivid and real. Therefore, television is a more convenient and dramatic source of foreign information.

Admittedly, newspapers and magazines are also beneficial for us to inform about some current events in foreign world. Sometimes, we have no more time to watch television, or do not accumulate enough money to take a trip. In these cases, reading newspapers and magazines is another alternative which is comparatively cheap. For example, I am accustomed to reading newspaper during the breakfast; isn’t it so comfortable to nibble at a piece of bread and scan some headlines of international news or some gossips about a foreign star at the same time?

In conclusion, although newspapers and magazines do have merit to demonstrate us a little corner of a foreign country, the advantages of television and traveling in excess of the former form. With the development of economic and technologic globalization, the growing number of modern vehicles has been approaching us. If we still confine our international perspectives to some paper, isn’t it out of step of times?

sosodiuUID：2731702

修改好啦~呵呵